做重大决策前，一定要先经过这9步

我花了几周时间来准备申请，经过了两轮面试，在几个月的期待以后，收到了某个著名的商业团体的2016级班的录取通知书。我是几百甚至几千名申请者中入围的12人之一。但是最后，我拒绝了。

甚至在写这篇文章的时候，我还有一丝后悔。我的意思是，我怎么能拒绝在简历里添上如此光鲜一笔的机会？而且还是在付出了那么多努力终于成功的情况下？我将会得到怎样的人际关系网络？赚到多少钱？

本质上，我的决定可以归结为一系列更重要的问题：我这样做是因为我真的想要吗，还是因为它看起来不错？我这样做是因为我很害怕，不敢拒绝吗？

我经常用以下的快捷纲要来找到答案。它们不仅让我有信心拒绝这次邀请，还有助于帮我做出许多重大的人生决策。

1. 试着冥想

对我来说，这意味着在印度农村10天密集而安静的冥想。不过你没必要跑到世界的另一边来获得同样的效果，只需要空出一块安静的冥想地，在那里倾听自己的心声。当你的心灵不再恐慌或淹没在其他人的想法之中，会告诉你什么呢？

暂时让自己远离外部刺激，以及那些你应该成为谁、你应该做什么的想法，这能让你把握自己的价值观，掌握你生活的前进方向。

2. 关注你的身体反应

在阅读那份邀请邮件时，我立刻开始理智地思考整件事情。但接着我后退了一步，开始关注我身体的感觉，这是我从冥想中得到的经验。随后我发现，我的头脑很混乱，但是我的身体已经给出了清楚的答案。

当我考虑接受邀请时，身体的所有肌肉都紧张了起来。但当我拒绝时，我感觉到身体都放松了下来。停下来听听身体的反应，我们就能知道潜意识里的直觉对生活怎么看。

3. 考虑最佳情况

我们通常会在决策前考虑最差的情况。不过这种思考方式很容易失控：“我应该接受这份工作，因为别的公司可能不会要我，那样我的简历就会有段巨大的空白期。我再也找不到工作，只能住在河边的面包里。于是我也找不到对象，只能与一群猫和鸡做伴，最后孤独死去。”噢，别瞎想了！

与其深陷于这些臆想的灾难中，我选择设想最好的情况，据此做出选择。这让我在决策时得以排除那些消极可怕的疑虑。我没有考虑上文说的住在面包车里的情况，而是仔细思量是否应当接受邀请：“如果这个机遇能够到来，其他机遇也一样。我的重点是坚持自己的目标。”

我仍然在寻找自己的目标，但我知道这个选项并非我想要的。

4. 不要询问直接的建议

相反，我会问一些亲友，他们碰到某些情况会怎么做，而不是如果他们是我会怎么做。这之间有重要的差别：我求教的是决策思路，而不是决策本身。到最后，我需要自己下决定，因为要承担后果的是我。

5. 培养“富足心态”

我们受到的教育告诉我们，现有的工作、资源、金钱、时间和空间永远还不够。与其陷入这种匮乏的心态，告诉自己：“如果我能像抓住这次机遇一样，努力工作把握下次机遇，我就一定会成功。”听到了吗？一定会成功。眼下的机遇只有一个，以后还会有几十个等着你。

6. 分析你的语调

当我的大脑让我接受奖学金时，我听到的是无力的辩护。当我倾听让我拒绝的声音时，我听到的是真诚的信念。在做出决定时，听听你的想法的质量——有时候它和内容一样重要。

7. 不要害怕错过

啊，害怕错过是我们这一代的流行病。追求各种事情，“害怕错过”，就像你没病还要吃药一样。

生活只会前进，不会后退。即便我们错过了，感到后悔，也必须继续走下去。我们不能因为害怕后悔，就做到所有的一切。后悔是生活的一部分，我们的时间是有限的。决定我们每天想花时间干什么，是我们必须掌握的一项艺术。

8. 问自己：“这是我的出口吗？”

一个朋友如此形容：“如果你在高速公路上，你前面那辆车在下一个出口出了高速公路，是否就意味着你也得在那个出口出去？”当然不是。你有自己的目的地，你需要清楚它在哪里——或至少，它不在哪里。

9. 拥抱你的恐惧

有时你必须确定你害怕什么，然后向那个方向前进。在我这个情况里，接受邀请很保险，短期来看是很容易做出的选择。拒绝一件我想要但是理由不正确的事情，需要冒更大的风险。但我确信其中蕴含着真正的机遇。（财富中文网）

译者：严匡正

I spent weeks preparing the application, went through two rounds of interviews, and finally, after months of anticipation, received an offer to join the 2016 class of a prestigious business fellowship. I was one of a dozen selected from hundreds, if not thousands, of applicants. And in the end, I said no.

Even as I write this I feel a tinge of regret. I mean, how could I say no to something that would have looked so good on my resume? And after all that work to finally get accepted? The network it would open up for me? The money?

Essentially my decision boiled down to a more important set of questions: Am I doing this because I really want to, or because it would look good? Am I doing this because I’m just too scared to say no?

Here’s a quick rundown of the strategies I used to find answers. Not only did they give me the confidence to turn down the fellowship, but they’re helpful for making a variety of major life decisions.

1. Try meditation

For me, this involved 10 days of intense, silent meditation in rural India. But you don’t have to travel to the other side of the world for the same effects. Instead, set aside a quiet meditation space where you can listen to your heart. What does it communicate when it’s not panicked and inundated with other people’s ideas?

Temporarily removing yourself from all external stimuli and ideas of who you should be and what you should do allows you to access your own values and take ownership of the direction you want your life to take.

2. Monitor your physical reactions.

When I read the email offering me the fellowship, I immediately began to process it on an intellectual level. But then I took a step back to pay attention to the sensations in my body, an idea I learned in meditation. As it turns out, my mind was terribly confused, but my body had already given a clear answer.

When I thought about accepting the offer, all the muscles in my body became tense, but when I imagined saying no, I felt a physical wave of relief. By pausing to listen to the body, we can tap into our subconscious instincts about life.

3. Consider the best-case scenario.

We often envision the worst-case scenario before making a decision. But this line of thinking can quickly spiral out of control: “I should take this job because maybe another one won’t come along and then I’ll have a huge gap on my resume and I’ll never get hired again and will have to live in a van down by the river and then no one will ever love me and I’ll die alone with a lot of cats and chickens.” Oh, come on!

Instead of getting bogged down in theoretical disasters, I chose to envision the best-case scenario and make decisions based on that. This allowed me to make a decision unclouded by destructive, crippling doubt. Instead of the above, van-by-the-river scenario, when ruminating over whether to accept the fellowship offer, I thought the following: “If this opportunity came into my life, so will many others. My priority is to stay on purpose.”

I’m still figuring out what that purpose is, but I know this particular option isn’t it.

4. Avoid asking for direct advice.

Instead, I asked a few people close to me how they would make a decision like this, not what they would decide if they were me. It’s an important distinction: I solicited frameworks of decision-making, rather than the decision itself. In the end, I needed to make the call because I was going to live with the consequences.

5. Cultivate an “abundance mentality”

We’re taught there are never enough jobs, resources, money, time and space. Instead of succumbing to this scarcity-driven mindset, tell yourself: “If I work as hard to secure the next opportunity as I did for this one, I’m bound to be successful.” Hear that?Bound to be successful. Where there’s one opportunity, a dozen more await.

6. Analyze your tone.

When I listened to the voice in my head telling me to accept the fellowship, I heard empty justification. When I listened to the voice telling me to say no, I heard sincere conviction. Listen to the quality of your thoughts when decision-making — sometimes, it’s just as important as the content.

7. Resist FOMO

Ah, the epidemic of our generation. Pursuing things out of the “fear of missing out” is like taking medicine when you’re not even sick.

Life moves forward, not backward. Even if we miss out and feel regret, we have to keep moving forward. We can’t do everything that comes our way because we’re scared of what regret tastes like. Regret is part of life, and our time is finite. Choosing how we want to spend our days is an art we must all master.

8. Ask yourself: “Is this my exit?”

A friend put it this way: If you’re on the highway and the car in front of you takes the next exit, does that mean you also get off the highway? Of course not. You have your own destination, and you have to be clear-minded about where that is — or, at least, isn’t.

9. Embrace your fears.

Sometimes you must identify what you fear and then proceed in that direction. In my case, accepting the job would have been the safe, easy thing to do on a short-term basis. Saying no to something I knew I only wanted for the wrong reasons was the riskier choice. But I’m convinced it’s where the real opportunity lies.