5年后的热门职业是什么？帮你任性帮你装

我们身边的世界变化太快，只有那些甚至都不试图去理解它的人，才有机会去应对它。曾经提供薪水的那些工作，很快就会像装卸工、电梯操作员和区分社论和广告的职位一样，消失在历史长河之中。好消息是，旧的工作会消失，新的工作又会涌现。以下仅举几例。

带上手环替你跑：面对现实吧。有时候你没有时间或是不想走路。请个人，让他戴上你的可穿戴设备，替你走上1万步，这样就能确保你心安理得了。

营造身份帮你装：我们的“真实”自我实在太平凡，越来越难在现实世界中脱颖而出。这些经纪人可以为我们营造更有魅力、更有卖相的形象。我计划成为一个寻找乐趣、斗志高昂、理想主义的登山家，就算内行出现，我也仍然很难被识破。

对付网络暴民：与网络怒气管理者一道，这些专家可以帮助你避免在Twitter和Facebook惹到不该惹的人，同时不会因为某句玩笑、评论或诚实的观点遭到愤怒的网络暴民围攻。

帮你开自动驾驶汽车：硅谷会继续发展自动驾驶汽车，很快，我们可能都没有权利和能力来自己开车了。但实际上，驱动这些汽车的人工智能几乎和我们一样笨，也得有人控制。当这些汽车遭遇麻烦时，能够让汽车亮起黄灯避免事故的人就需要登场了。

寻找真正的朋友：我有许多不熟的“好友”。他们祝我生日快乐，就和电梯语音让我今天过得愉快一样，意义不大。在这些联系的背后，我需要有一些对我有意义的真实的好友。这个人能帮助我找到他们。

修理高调的成功人士：我已经受够了这些傲慢的混蛋和在媒体上吹嘘他们的人，愿意花大价钱让某个拥有疯狂技术的人把他们修理一翻。

根除表情符号：现在的表情太多了，是时候去掉一些了。

老寿星帮手：自负的富豪名流想要努力获得永生。看起来他们可能会比上一代人多活10年、20年甚至40年。到他们120岁的时候，他们可能身体还行，但是分辨不出哪边是北，或是拥有多少套住房了。

给电脑宠物实施安乐死：一只已经60岁的电子狮子狗还在高亢地吼叫，你应该怎么办？这时候你需要一个人来打开它蓬松的脑袋，关掉它那个小小的硅制脑中枢。

重启你的大脑：很快就会诞生让我们在派对聚会上变得更聪明、更快、更风趣的药物。此外，它们可能还会把我们的小脑从脑胼胝体中分离。我们可以找这样的专家来把我们的脑子组合在一起——直到我们决定再次把大脑搞得一团糟。

自耕农：古老的事物又要重新出现了。专家告诉我们，气候变化的进程目前只进行了30%。当整个世界只剩下尘土时，我们依然需要吃蔬菜。

火星葬礼承办人：伊隆·马斯克想要死在火星上。到目前为止，他预测对了很多事情。这是殡葬业者期待的好机会。 （财富中文网）

译者：严匡正

The world around us is changing so quickly that only those who don’t even try to understand it have any chance of dealing with it. Jobs that used to pay the bills will soon fade into the murk along with such former occupations as stevedore, elevator operator, and the guy who separates editorial content from advertising. The good news is that as old careers disappear, new ones are arising to take their place. Here are just a few.

Fitbit walker: Face it. Sometimes you just don’t have the time or inclination to do your steps. This employee will don your wearable tech and do your 10,000 for you, making sure you stay in shape.

Identity broker: Increasingly, our “real” selves are simply too quotidian to make it where it counts in the virtual space. These entrepreneurs will provide personae that are much more engaging and marketable. I plan to be a pugnacious, idealistic mountaineer looking for fun, but still capable of deep commitment if the right person comes along.

Online shaming consultant: Along with an Internet rage manager, these professionals will work with you to make sure that you’re properly gang-bullying the right people on Twitter and Facebook and not being attacked by the angry mob yourself for a random joke, comment, or honest opinion.

Self-driving-car driver: Silicon Valley will have its way, and at some point pretty soon none of us will have the right or ability to drive ourselves. Instead, vehicles powered by AI almost as stupid as we are will be in control. When they get into trouble, individuals capable of running a yellow light in order to avoid an accident will be needed.

Genuine friend locator: I have many “friends” who are unknown to me. When they wish me happy birthday, it’s about as meaningful as when a talking elevator tells me to have a nice day. Somewhere buried in all those contacts, I must have some real friends who mean something to me. This person will help me find them.

Disrupter disrupter: I’m sick of these buttheads and their enablers in the media and would pay big money to see somebody with some mad skills mess them up.

Emoji exterminator: There are simply too many. Some must die.

Geriatric navigator: Egotistical billionaire moguls are working hard to live forever. It appears they’ll be around for 10, 20, even 40 years longer than prior generations. By the time they hit 120, they’ll be physically fine but unable to tell which end is up or how many third homes they own.

Cyber-pet euthanizer: What do you do with a 60-year-old cyborg Shih Tzu who won’t stop its high, strobed-out barking? Someone will be needed to take Fluffy out and gently remove its tiny little silicon brain center.

Brain rebooter: Drugs will appear soon that make us smarter, faster, and more fun at parties. In addition, they’ll tend to separate our cerebellums from our corpora callosa. Enter this specialist to get our heads back together—until we choose to scramble them again.

Dirt farmer: What’s old is new again. Experts tell us we’re only about 30% through the whole climate change thing. When the entire world is covered with nothing but dust, we’re still going to need broccoli.

Funeral director on Mars: Elon Musk wants to die there. He’s been right about a lot of things so far. A clear opportunity for the right mortician awaits.