谢莉尔•桑德伯格如何克服自我怀疑

    在前不久的一次工作会议上，我意识到自己居然在说：“这个主意不怎么样，但如果我们尝试一下……”于是我打住了。我记得，刚进麦肯锡公司（McKinsey & Company）做咨询顾问时，我在最初的几次会议上用过这样的表达方式。今天，作为一名已成功创建公司并推动它不断成长的人，我认为自己肯定不会再无中生有地自我怀疑了。但这种念头确实又冒出来了，它意味着，我认为自己的想法并不值得讨论。

    在2010年的一次女性大会上，有人问黛安•冯芙丝汀宝，没把握的时候怎么才能表现得自信些，她的建议是：“先装得很自信，直到把事情做了为止。”

    2011年《纽约客》（New Yorker）的一篇短文中，Facebook的首席运营官谢丽尔•桑德伯格表达的观点与冯芙丝汀宝不谋而合。在听完一个关于“感觉自己像骗子”这个话题的大学讲座后，她表示：“我这辈子对自己都是这种感觉。”她说自己在整个大学生涯中“把人们给骗了”。在2011年的巴纳德学院（Barnard College）毕业典礼上，她在致辞中称，直到如今有时都会觉得不自信：“一直以来，我经常——而不是偶尔——有这种感受；我得说，绝大多数时候我觉得自己并没有那么成功。”

    麦肯锡公司资深总监、《杰出女性的领导之道》（How Remarkable Women Lead）一书的作者乔安娜•巴斯表示，自己职业道路上最大的挑战来自于如何解开心结，超越自我：“无论是过去还是现在，我都被一些画地为牢的担忧所困扰……由于愿意帮助我的人们并不了解我这种心理，他们会把我礼貌的婉拒‘不，多谢了’当真，转而把工作机会给下一个人——往往是个决心抓住这一机会的男人。所以，如何打破这种自我限制成了我所面临的最大难题。”

    起初我觉得，“假装自信”的办法太虚伪，那意味着要对周围的人撒谎。我担心自己会露馅——他们会发现我其实不具备应有的工作技能，或者我根本就不明白自己在干什么。后来我渐渐明白，这些担心是没道理的。但确实有太多时候，我会被心底里自我怀疑和不真诚的质疑声牵着鼻子走。

    冯芙丝汀宝、桑德伯格和巴斯让我知道，我并不是唯一一个产生过这些消极念头的职场女性。然而，仅仅知道这些影响力巨大的女性也会自我怀疑是不够的：她们到底是怎么做到不再听任这种感觉摆布，从而一路迈向今天的成功？

    巴斯的建议是，“提醒自己，或是发现自己真正想要什么。把注意力重新放到发展各种潜力上……摆脱无关紧要的工作，接受自己并不完美这个事实，而且不要把完美作为追求目标。”桑德伯格的建议也差不多：“别让恐惧压倒内心的渴望。困难永远存在，要让困难成为外在因素，而不要来自于你的内心。幸运总是偏爱勇敢的人，如果不去尝试，永远也不会知道自己有多大能耐。”这是她给巴纳德学院学生的忠告。

    我是个有梦想的人。无论对公司还是对自己，我都有远大的目标。但一旦落实到行动上，我经常会犹豫不决。更糟糕的是，做了某件事后，我常常不断责问自己本应如何做得更好。我现在懂了，这种糟糕的感觉是作为职业人士的正常心理，对职业女性来说尤其如此。我已经学会每天只专注于做自己擅长的事，不再纠结于对失败的恐惧。要成长就要敢冒风险，承担重任，在自己没有十足把握的情况下也敢大声表达。这个过程中也许会有许多路障，但是小小的尴尬只会让你学到更多东西。

    每当我开始怀疑自己的时候，我就会想，我到底是出于什么动机去做自己没把握的事。我训练自己专注于未来的可能性，同时努力让头脑中那些负面的声音消失无踪。（财富中文网）

    阿曼达•坡措特与卡洛琳•戈恩共同创办了The Levo League

    译者：清远

    At a recent work meeting, I caught myself saying the following words: "Well, this isn't a great idea, but what if we did …" and then I stopped. I remember saying such things during my first few meetings as a consultant at McKinsey & Company, but I thought surely by now -- as someone who had created and developed a company -- I would not succumb to that kind of preemptive self-doubt. But there I was, suggesting that my thoughts weren't worthy of discussion.

    At a women's conference in 2010, Diane von Furstenberg responded to an audience member's question about how to behave confidently when you are not quite there with the following advice: "Fake it 'til you make it."

    Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook (FB), echoed von Furstenberg's sentiment in a 2011 New Yorker profile. After listening to a college lecture on feeling like a fraud, she claimed, "I felt like that my whole life." Throughout her college years, Sandberg says, "I really fooled them." Addressing Barnard College graduates in 2011, she said that to this day she sometimes doesn't feel confident in herself: "All along the way, I've had all of those moments, not just some of the time; I would say most of the time, where I haven't felt that I owned my success."

    Joanna Barsh, senior director at McKinsey & Company and author of How Remarkable Women Lead, says her biggest career challenge was getting out of her own way: "I was -- and am -- plagued by limiting fears … and because my sponsors were not versed in how to interact with such a creature, they took my 'no thank you' at face value and offered their opportunity to the next person -- a man who invariably grabbed it. It turns out that the challenge of getting out of my own way was the biggest one I ever faced."

    At first I thought the concept of "faking it" was insincere, and that I would be lying to those around me. I was worried I'd be found out -- that they would discover that I don't have the skills to be doing what I am doing, or that I don't know what I am doing. I've come to recognize that these fears are irrational. But there are so many moments where I've let that little voice of doubt and insecurity take control.

    Von Furstenberg, Sandberg, and Barsh make me feel less alone in falling prey to these negative thoughts. But just knowing that these powerful women had youthful moments of doubt is not enough: How did they actually learn to not listen to that feeling and get to where they are today?

    Barsh suggests you should "remind yourself or find out what it is that you really want. Re-center yourself on possibilities ... Let go of non-mission critical tasks, accepting that you are not perfect and should not have that as a goal in mind." Sandberg's suggestion is similar: "Don't let your fears overwhelm your desire. Let the barriers you face -- and there will be barriers -- be external, not internal. Fortune does favor the bold, and I promise that you will never know what you're capable of unless you try," she told the Barnard audience.

    I'm a dreamer. I have big ideas for my company and for myself, but when it comes to action, I often hesitate, or worse, after I do something, I beat myself up over how I could have done it better. What I've come to learn is that the terrified feeling is part of being a professional, and especially part of being a female professional. I have learned to focus on what I can do one day at a time, ignoring the fear of failure. The opportunity to grow comes from taking risks, stretch assignments, and speaking up when you aren't 100% confident. There may be a few bumps, but slight embarrassment only leads to learning.

    When I begin to doubt myself, I think about my motivations for doing whatever it is I'm uncertain of. I train myself to focus on what is possible and try to silence that voice in the negative voice in the back of my head.

    Amanda Pouchot co-founded The Levo League with Caroline Ghosn.