帮朋友忙要不要收钱

    身为离婚律师，是不是每个人都给你打电话咨询他们的婚姻危机？身为会计师，你是不是发现晚餐的谈话不可避免地转向你朋友的新款iPad平板电脑或百慕大之旅可以免税的话题？又或许，你是位技术专家，你的朋友和父母的朋友会反复打电话，询问如何上传照片到云盘或者分享在线视频？

    成为你所在领域的专家感觉不错，别人征求你的意见或建议也让你颇为得意，不过有时候人们越过了个人交往和工作与生活平衡的界限。不能因为乔纳斯•索尔克免费提供脊髓灰质炎疫苗，克雷格•纽马克拒绝对Craigslist网站收费，你也必须当个慈善家。你也许大公无私，但是不必全天候为朋友或家人提供无穷无尽的建议。你应该在你力所能及的时候提供帮助，但是你有权为你日常提供的无偿建议加上有益的限制。

    当你发现自己的处境超越极限的时候，那么你要在愿意致力于解决朋友的问题方面，限定“免费”的时间或精力范围，然后在时间允许的情况下慷慨地帮助对方。接下来告诉你的朋友或家人，他们在最初的免费范围以外，还可以选择哪些方式继续获得你的帮助。

    朋友总是相互帮助。如果有个非常亲密的人向你咨询某个问题或事项，你要尽量慷慨大方，免费分享你的才华和专业知识。比如，你愿意用一个小时处理某人的电子邮件，用30分钟查看一份简历，花一个下午的时间集体讨论经营理念，这些做法都在提供友好建议以及为家庭做出奉献与回报的范围内。用一个星期的时间建立一家网站，无休止地解答疑难的高科技问题，或者起草、撰写和审核一份法学院申请信，这些做法就越过了界限。

    想想你要付出多少时间和精力，既适合你的日程安排，又不用做出过分的个人牺牲，确定向他人提供真正价值所需要的时间。作为一名职业咨询专家，我很高兴抽出一个小时的时间准备朋友的业绩评估，撰写要求加薪的腹稿，详细讨论与老板的沟通不畅问题。但是，我不会定期指导你，也不会免费和你的员工交流。

    久住难为人。客人待得太久，难免遭人厌烦。人们认为你会无限期地继续扮演顾问、咨询师、治疗师、问题解决达人或生活教练的角色，最终将给你带来过于沉重的负担。分享你最初的想法、无偿提供一些有益的建议之后，改变这种状态是完全合情合理。

    如果你提供的建议直接关系到你的专业或者你的副业，那就坦白直言，承认你需要达成一项协议，确保你付出的时间和精力能够获得报酬。如果这些建议只是涉及你的天赋或爱好，但是并不是你的谋生之道，你也仍然有权得到补偿。

    一旦向人明确，你不能毫无限制地免费提供意见，你就可以减轻对别人的伤害。你可以表态，愿意继续以更轻松自在的方式提供免费意见，担任后备顾问的角色。一方面，这样做显示了你的慷慨大度，真心诚意地愿意帮助别人，另一方面也维护了你的职业操守。如果朋友们从来没有想过向你付钱的话，这种方式还让你的朋友保全了面子。

    Are you the divorce attorney everyone calls with their marital woes? The accountant who finds that the dinner conversation inevitably turns to whether or not your friend's new iPad or trip to Bermuda is tax-deductible? Maybe you're the techie whose friends and parents' friends call repeatedly with questions about uploading photos to the cloud or sharing videos online.

    It's great to be an expert in your field, and it's flattering to be asked for your opinion or advice, but sometimes people cross the limits of personal and work-life boundaries. Just because Jonas Salk gave away the polio vaccine for free and Craig Newmark refuses to charge for Craigslist, you don't have to be a philanthropist too. As altruistic as you may be, you don't have to provide unlimited counsel to friends and family around the clock. You should be helpful when you can, but you are entitled to put meaningful limits on the pro bono advice you dish out regularly.

    When you find yourself in situations that push the envelope, determine the amount of "free" time/energy you're willing to dedicate to a friend's issue and then give of yourself graciously within that time allotment. Next, give your friend or family member options of how you might continue to be helpful after their initial free pass.

    Friends help friends. When someone near and dear to you comes with a question, issue, or problem, be generous and share your talents or expertise freely. Agreeing to spend an hour setting up someone's email, 30 minutes reviewing a resume, or an afternoon brainstorming business ideas is well within the bounds of friendly advice and familial give and take. Spending a week setting up a website, troubleshooting tech issues endlessly, or drafting, writing, and reviewing an application to law school is crossing the line.

    Think about the amount of time or energy that fits into your schedule without undue personal sacrifice and the amount of time necessary to provide real value to the other person. As a career expert, I'm happy to give an hour of my time to prepare for a friend's performance review, script out asking for a raise or talk through a difficult conversation with the boss. I won't, however, coach you regularly or talk to your employees for free.

    Just as a houseguest eventually overstays his welcome, so too do people overburden you by assuming you'll continue your role as adviser, counselor, therapist, problem solver, or life coach, indefinitely. After sharing your initial thoughts or giving some meaningful advice for free, it's entirely acceptable to change the dynamic.

    If the advice you're providing is directly related to your profession or your side hustle, then be upfront and acknowledge you'll need to put together an agreement to make sure you're compensated for your time and energy going forward. If the advice relates simply to a natural talent or hobby but not how you earn your keep, you're still entitled to be compensated.

    Once you've established your inability to provide bottomless advice for free, you can then soften the blow. State that you're willing to stay involved on a more casual level for free and serve as a background adviser. This shows you to be generous and genuine in wanting to help while at the same time protecting your professional integrity. It also gives your friend a way to save face if they never had any intention of paying you in the first place.