你是太强势还是太软弱？

    在哥伦比亚商学院（Columbia Business School）教谈判课的管理学教授丹尼尔•埃姆斯指出：“大多数人都能想起某一位缺乏自知之明的人。可悲的是，研究显示，我们自己往往也是这样。”

    为了测量人们在谈判中的自我意识，埃姆斯和研究伙伴阿比•瓦兹拉威克进行了四项独立测试，其中三项针对哥伦比亚商学院的MBA学生，一项针对500名未在商学院就读的美国成年人。研究人员首先将测试者配对，让他们就许可权等问题进行模拟讨价还价，之后，每一位MBA学生就自己和对方的立场是否足够坚定回答了一系列问题。研究称：“一个关键问题是，人们是否知道对方如何看待自己。”

    测试结果令埃姆斯大感意外，虽然他已经预料到会有一些认知差异。比如：被对方形容为太强势的受访者中，有56%认为他们的表现恰到好处，甚至有点太过软弱。相反，被对方认为软弱的谈判者，有57%认为自己足够自信，甚至有些过火。

    这项研究声称：“两方面的结果表明，立场是否足够坚定这一点被对方误解的人，有一半机会来获知对方如何看待自己。”

    在现实的谈判中，埃姆斯与瓦兹拉威克所谓的“越界错觉”会产生昂贵的代价。所谓“越界错觉”是指谈判者相信他们太过火，或者说越界了。错误地认为自己做得过分的谈判者，更有可能尝试弥补双方的关系，有时候会在随后的谈判过程中同意一些不太重要的条款，这样做只是为了缓和双方的关系。

    这项研究声称：“这些谈判者正在付出高昂成本来修补根本没有破裂的关系。最终结果是双方都错过了一笔本应该更好的交易。”埃姆斯表示，研究的主要对象是“哥伦比亚商学院的学生。他们都不是会羞怯的人。但即使这些人也会认为自己做的太过火，即便对方并不这么认为。”

    那么，我们到底应该如何准确判断自己表现出的坚定程度呢？埃姆斯为谈判课的学生提供了三条建议。他说道：“首先，要培养导师和同伴关系，他们会给你提供诚实的意见。”其次，在进行重要的讨价还价之前，“与可以给你提供指导的人进行一次排练。比如你要申请加薪或升职。提前与朋友进行练习，他会告诉你表现得太过强硬还是不够坚决。”

    埃姆斯建议，在谈判结束后，“尽量获得谈判对手的反馈。在双方达成协议的时候，或者对方愤而冲出房间的时候，往往不可能得到对方的反馈。但之后，可以询问对方对谈判过程的看法。”他补充道，对于自认为在谈判中被逼迫地太过分的谈判者，第三步尤其有用。“你得到了对方的同意，并不代表他们对你没有意见。”（财富中文网）

    译者：刘进龙/汪皓

    “Most of us can think of someone who is unaware of how others see them,” notes Daniel Ames, a professor of management at Columbia Business School who teaches courses in negotiation. “Sadly, often enough, this research suggests that person is us.”

    To measure the self-awareness of people involved in negotiations, Ames and fellow researcher Abbie Wazlawek conducted four separate tests, three of them on Columbia MBA students and one on 500 U.S. adults not enrolled at the B-school. After being paired up for mock bargaining sessions over things like licensing rights, each of the MBA students answered questions about their own assertiveness and that of the person across the table. “A key question was whether people knew what their counterparts thought of them,” the study says.

    The results surprised even Ames, who had expected to find some differences in perception. Consider: 56% of the people described by their counterparts as too pushy believed they had come across as just right, or even a little bit too soft. Conversely, 57% of the negotiators perceived as pushovers thought they had been assertive enough, or even pushed too hard.

    “Together, these results suggest that people who got assertiveness wrong in the eyes of others had about a coin-flip’s chance of recognizing how they were seen,” the study says.

    In real-life negotiations, what Ames and Wazlawek call the “line-crossing illusion”—negotiators’ belief that they had gone too far, or crossed a line—can be expensive. People who mistakenly thought they had pushed too hard were more likely to try to repair relationships, sometimes agreeing to less valuable terms in subsequent sessions, just to smooth things over.

    “These negotiators were attempting costly repairs for something that wasn’t broken,” the study says. “The result was that both sides lost out on what could have been a better deal.” Ames notes that the main research subjects “were Columbia B-school students. These are not shy people. But even they tended to think they’d gone too far, even when others didn’t think so.”

    So how can you get an accurate reading on how assertive you seem? Ames offers three tips he gives his negotiating classes. “First, cultivate mentors and peer relationships, where people will give you their honest opinion,” he says. Second, before any important bargaining session, “role-play with someone who can coach you. Say you’re asking for a raise or a promotion. Practice ahead of time with a friend who will tell you if you’re pushing too hard or not hard enough.”

    Then, when a negotiation is over, “try to get feedback from your counterparts,” Ames says. “This isn’t always possible when you’re shaking hands on a deal, or when the other party has stormed out of the room, but later on, ask how they think it went.” This third step may be especially useful for negotiators who are seen as driving too hard a bargain, he adds. “Just because you got to ‘yes’ doesn’t mean they don’t resent you.”