学会说“不”，让你更进一步

    有句众所周知的谚语：有了好篱笆，才有好邻居。这句话的根本意思是要设定牢固的界线。设定好界限后，令人分心的琐事和意想不到的干扰就会少很多，我们就可以自由地从事符合自身最佳利益的事情。这在数字时代尤为重要，因为在数字时代，有太多人在争抢我们的注意力，我们不得不面对各种各样的干扰。

    不管是对于个人生活，还是对职业发展而言，修建“好篱笆”，或者设定界线，都是最重要的技能之一。而“好篱笆”最重要的意义之一就是，能对我们不喜欢，或对我们个人或职业发展没有益处的人、活动和约定勇敢拒绝的能力。你拒绝对自己没有帮助的事情，实际上就是在赞成对你有帮助的事情。拒绝，也是给对你有益的事情开辟必要的空间。

    对于大多数人而言，拒绝非常困难。我们似乎对所有事情都在说“是”。在我看来，我们，尤其是女性，之所以认为拒绝非常困难，原因之一是我们希望被别人喜欢。我们希望被看成是善于团队合作的人。我们想融入团队。我们不想因为拒绝某个人或某件事而伤害对方的感情。我们之所以对太多事情说“是”，或许是出于愧疚，抑或是为了证明自己无所不能。

    不论这背后有怎样的心理因素，也不论有怎样的理由，对太多的事情说“是”，会令你疲于应付，甚至产生适得其反的效果。对太多事情说“是”，可能意味着我们要对一些非常重要的事情说“不”。如果我们的时间安排得太满，哪里还有空间去容纳意想不到或梦寐以求的机会？如果我们的“篱笆”不够牢固，就会有各种不速之客闯进来。

    我们要修建“好篱笆”，要下定决心只对自己喜欢的、有利于职业发展或不会令我们分心的事情说“是”。

    以下七条建议将帮助你学会说“不”：

    执行24小时的暂停期。在接受任何工作或个人邀请之前，给自己24个小时。你不需要马上回复。考虑一下你能从邀请中得到什么，它是否值得你拿出宝贵的时间，是否是你真正想要做的事情。还要考虑一下自己已经接受了哪些任务？你是否不得不放弃某些事情？

    例如，收到邀请时，你可以这样说：“感谢您的邀请。但我要查看一下日程安排，并且考虑一下。我会在明天给您回复。”如果这确实是你想做的事情但你却无法参加，一定要表达出这样的意思：“非常感谢您的邀请。我现在无法参加，但我希望未来能够有机会。希望未来有活动或项目的时候，您还能想到我。”

    要得体且果断地拒绝。我们知道如何说“是”，却不知道如何说“不”，尤其是面对我们确实不想做的事情时，我们通常会编造一个又一个借口。如果你考虑过对方的邀请，并且答案是否定的，一定要得体且果断地拒绝。用下面的方式，将使你不必再为找借口而纠结，也不必受愧疚感的折磨：

    Everyone knows the adage: good fences make good neighbors. Basically, it means to set firm boundaries. By setting boundaries, we find the freedom to behave in our best interest, with fewer distractions and fewer unwanted intrusions. This is even more important in our digital age, where there are so many people vying for our attention and so many ways to be distracted.

    Building good fences—setting boundaries—is one of the most important skills to master for both personal and professional growth. And one of the most important aspects of a good fence is the ability to say no to the people, activities and engagements that we do not enjoy or that do not advance us personally or professionally. When you say no to the things that don’t help you, you are, in effect, saying yes to the things that will. By saying no, you open up the space necessary for yes.

    For most of us, saying no is exceedingly difficult. We seem to say yes to everything. I think one of the reasons we find it so hard to say no, especially as women, is that we want to be liked. We want to be seen as team players. We want to be included. We don’t want to hurt feelings by closing our door or, God forbid, saying no to someone or something. We say yes to too many things maybe out of guilt or maybe to prove that we can do it all.

    Whatever the psychological back story, whatever the reason, the fact remains that saying yes to too many things is overwhelming and counterproductive. By saying yes to too many things, we may be saying no to some very important things. If our plate is too full, there’s no room for the unexpected or ideal opportunity. If our fences aren’t strong, everything gets in.

    We have to build good fences and resolve to say yes only to the things we enjoy, that advance our careers, or that don’t distract us from our goals.

    Here are seven tips to help you say no:

    Implement a 24-hour pause period.Give yourself 24 hours before accepting any invitations, professional or personal. You don’t have to give an answer right away! Think about what you will get out of it, if it’s worth your precious time, and if it’s something you really want to do. Also consider what is already on your plate? Will you have to give something up?

    For example, when you have received an invitation, simply say: “Thank you for the invitation. Let me check my schedule and think about it, and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” If it is something you really want to do but simply can’t, be sure to convey that: “Thank you so much for the invitation. I can’t do that right now, but I would love to serve in the future, and I hope you will keep me in mind for future events/projects.”

    Say no with grace and authority.We know how to say yes, but we don’t know how to say no, and we often go down a rabbit hole of excuses, especially if it’s something we don’t want to do. If you’ve thought about the invitation and the answer is no, decline gracefully but authoritatively. Here’s how to do it without twisting yourself in a knot of excuses and guilt: