如何管理以自我为中心的员工

作为千禧一代的代表，我参加过一个名为“下一代人才”的专题讨论会。我喜欢研究和讨论这类话题，因为它能让所有人都兴奋起来。千禧一代感觉所有人都对他们摆出一副居尊俯就的样子，X一代则认为他们被无视了，而婴儿潮一代却对千禧一代做的每一件事都看不顺眼。

（需要说明一下：千禧一代是指1980年至1999年出生的一代，X一代指1965年至1979年出生的一代，婴儿潮一代是指1946年至1964年出生的一代。）

尽管“代际臆想症”随处可见，但并没有科学证据证明，代际差异实际存在。有无数项研究显示，如果存在代际差异，其原因很可能与生活阶段有关，并不能代表每一代人不可改变的特征。例如，一名千禧一代员工提前下班，可能并不是因为这代人不喜欢长时间工作，而是因为他要去幼儿园接孩子。

然而，根据我们千禧一代从父母老师那里得到的无数赞扬，我们已经被打上了“自我的一代”的标签。在研讨会期间，许多观众愤怒地表示，千禧一代是“过度以自我为中心的自恋狂”（直接引用原话）。一位X一代CEO说出下面一番话后，赢得了热烈的掌声：“该死的小家伙们，你们并不是都擅长足球！你们并不是都应当获得奖章！你们有些人简直太差劲了！”

他的话说到我心里去了。

不论在工作单位还是在家中，以自我为中心确实都是成功的敌人。有研究确认，以自我为中心的员工，会毫无根据地肯定自己的能力和贡献，他们感觉自己理应得到未能赢得的东西，甚至认为上司在虐待他们。此外，对于自己的工作，他们的满意度也更低，更有可能表现不佳、寻衅滋事和出现不道德行为。

但是否有确切证据显示，相比其他年龄段在相同年纪时的表现，千禧一代更加以自我为中心？在这方面，这项研究却含糊其辞。也有一些研究支持这种观点。一项EY研究发现，68%的千禧一代以自我为中心（但他们并没有对相同年纪时的X一代和婴儿潮一代进行统计）。其他研究认为，千禧一代并没有比前辈们更加以自我为中心。另外，还有研究指出，X一代也有同样的问题！

一项研究分析了上世纪50年代至80年代期间，高中生们对于“我很重要”这种观点的看法。在50年代，仅有12%同意这种观点；至1989年（当时正是X一代的高中时代），这一比例增至80%。

那么，这个结果意味着什么？我的观点是，整个世界都在变化，而不仅仅是我们千禧一代：我们的社会正在诱使各年龄段的人变成自恋狂！在我即将出版的新书中，我把这种现象称之为“自我崇拜”。

导致这种情况的原因不难想象：科技、电视和社交媒体。但这些原因对人类行为的影响有多深，或许会让许多人感到意外。例如，有研究显示，频繁发短信的人更少进行自我反省。经常自拍的人，与人的关系更肤浅。看电视真人秀与自我专注有直接的关系。甚至有证据证明，使用社交媒体会导致自恋。有一项研究将参与者随机分成两组：一组浏览自己的MySpace页面（让你回想起过去了吧？），另一组则被安排上网冲浪。浏览MySpace的参与者，自恋倾向很快便开始上升！

尽管几乎所有人都希望我们并不推崇这种“自我崇拜”，但我们都是时代的产物。最近，我和丈夫在一家新餐厅吃饭。邻桌有一群年轻的女孩，在某一刻，我看到她们每个人都在自拍。当时我就震惊了。

我发牢骚说：“真是一群自恋狂。”我丈夫顿了一下，然后面无表情地说：“某人昨天还被我抓到在谷歌上搜自己的名字，今天竟然说出这样的话，真是有意思。”我甚至都没有辩解说，我只是在搜索一篇我之前写过的文章。因为他说的有道理。

但希望依旧存在。领导者、职业人士甚至父母都可以打破这种“自我崇拜”，以下是对管理者的一些建议。

1. 强调温情而不是特殊性。

一些有趣的证据证明，温情或许可以成为“以自我为中心”的解毒剂。研究人员询问父母，他们是否认为自己的孩子比其他孩子更加特殊。6个月后，他们对孩子们的自恋倾向进行了一番测量（使用“像我这样的孩子应该得到更多”这类问题）。结果发现，获得家长过高估计的孩子会更加倾向于以自我为中心。强调温情而不是独特性的家长（告诉孩子“我爱你”而不是“你很特别”）的孩子，对自己很满意，但不会感觉自己高人一等。

在工作中，你可以表示对团队成员的支持和欣赏（我感谢各位所做的一切），而不是去撩拨他们的独特性感觉（“你是这个团队中最优秀的初级分析师”）。

2. 设定明确的预期。

研究人员保罗·哈维认为，另一个导致自我为中心的原因是未满足的预期。要想解决这个问题，领导者（和父母）可以完全透明地说出他们期望的努力、绩效和行为。例如，“我希望你在未来三个月将客户基数增加10%，”或者“我让你打扫房间，是说整理床铺，把衣服放在筐子里。”

这样一来，其他人便没有余地对真正的标准进行“创造性地解释”。

3. 提供有创造性的、无法预知的奖励。

我曾有一位客户，连续两个周五都出人意料地用百吉饼来奖励团队的努力工作。到了第三个周五，她没有带早餐，结果一位优秀员工来到她的办公室。他问道：“我们的百吉饼在哪儿呢？”

提供可预知的奖励，会在无意中使员工产生以自我为中心的心态。我并不是说你应该抑制对团队成员的欣赏，但为了防止他们变成一群以自我为中心的牢骚大王，连早上准时上班都想要获得奖励，你一定要保证他们必须通过努力才能获得奖励，并且要提供无法预知的奖品。我们的百吉饼领导人其实可以在周三给大家提供咖啡，在下周五发放百吉饼。拜托，要有点变化呀！

4. 切莫养虎为患。

尽管对于管理者是否会增加员工以自我为中心的意识这一问题，各方众说纷纭，莫衷一是（我认为有可能），但也有研究认为，干扰这类员工的行为，可能会让问题变得更糟糕。幸运的是，既不鼓励也不惩罚这些行为，或许可以帮助他们表现得更为合理。例如，根据你所设定的明确预期，你可以就对方是否达到了预期提供反馈，如果没有达到预期，要让他们承担后果。

5. 做好采取果断措施的准备。

在某些情况下，做到上述几点的领导者，依旧可能遇到认为自己优于其他人的员工。这时候，最好记住《平静祷文》：“主啊，请赐我勇气，去改变我所能改变的一切；赐我平静，去接受我不能改变的一切；赐我智慧，去分辨两者的不同。”

有时候，对于领导者、团队甚至员工来说，最好的做法是帮助他们找到更好的机会。很显然，最后一条建议仅适用于职场。俗话说得好，你可以选择朋友（以及自己的员工），但你无法选择家人！

最后，不论以自我为中心的员工属于哪一代人，在产生疑问的时候，要记住：领导者奖励和容忍什么样的行为，别人便会有什么样的行为。这是永恒不变的真理。（财富中文网）

译者：刘进龙/汪皓

审校：任文科

Last week, I served as the token millennial on a panel discussing “The Next Generation of Talent.” I love researching and speaking about this topic because it always gets everyone lathered up. Millennials feel patronized, Gen Xers feel overlooked, and baby boomers are usually incensed about everything the millennials do. (To keep everyone age referenced, millennials were born between 1980 and 1999, Gen Xers between 1965 and 1979, and baby boomers between 1946 and 1964.)

Despite the “generational hysteria” we see just about everywhere, few scientifically-supported generational differences actually exist. Countless studies show that if there are differences, it’s more likely due to life-stage than immutable characteristics of each cohort. For example, a millennial might leave work early not because his generation shuns long hours, but because he has to pick up his toddler from day care.

But based on the endless praise we millennials supposedly received from our parents and teachers, we have been labeled the “Me Generation.” During our panel, multiple audience members indignantly observed that millennials are “overly-entitled narcissists” (a direct quote). One Xer CEO got a loud round of applause for declaring, “Dammit kids, you’re not all good at soccer! You don’t all deserve a ribbon! Some of you actually kind of suck!”

I’d say he struck a nerve.

At work and at home, it’s true that entitlement is the enemy of success. Research confirms that entitled employees have unjustified positive opinions about their talents and contributions, feel deserving of things they haven’t earned, and even see their supervisors as abusive. They’re also less satisfied with their jobs, more likely to underperform, pick fights and behave unethically.

But is there conclusive evidence that millennials are more entitled than other generations at the same age? The research is equivocal at best. Some studies support the argument. One EY study found that 68 percent of millennials are entitled (though they didn’t measure Xers and boomers at the same age). Other research suggests that millennials are no more entitled than previous generations. Still other work indicts Xers for the same problem!

One study analyzed high schoolers’ response to the question “I am an important person” between the 1950s and the 1980s. In the 1950s, only 12 percent agreed; by 1989 (i.e., when the Xers were in high school), that number jumped to roughly 80 percent.

So what does all of this mean? My belief is our world is changing, not just the millennials: our society is increasingly tempting all ages to become entitled narcissists! In my forthcoming book, I call it the Cult of Self.

The causes are exactly what you’d expect: Technology. Television. Social media. But what might be surprising is just how much they’re influencing our behavior. For example, studies have shown that frequent texters are less reflective. People who take selfies haveshallower relationships. Watching reality TV is directly related to self-absorption. There’s even evidence that social media use causesnarcissism. One study randomly assigned participants to one of two groups: half spent time on their MySpace page (really takes you back, doesn’t it?) and half surfed the Internet. Those who spent time on MySpace showed immediate increases in narcissism!

As much as everyone wants to believe that we don’t worship the Cult of Self, we are all products of our time. I was recently having dinner with my husband at a hot new restaurant. There was a gaggle of young women at the table next to us, all of whom at one point were taking selfies. I was horrified.

“What a bunch of narcissists,” I grumbled. My husband paused for a moment and deadpanned, “That’s an interesting comment coming from someone I caught Googling herself yesterday.” I didn’t even bother justifying my behavior by telling him that I was trying to find an old article I wrote. He had a point.

But there’s hope. Leaders, professionals and even parents can fight the Cult of Self. How Managers Can Banish Entitlement

1. Emphasize warmth over specialness.

There is some intriguing evidence that warmth might be one antidote to entitlement. Researchers asked parents whether they thought their child was special compared to other children. Six months later, they measured the child’s narcissism (with questions like “Kids like me deserve something extra”). The more parents overvalued their children, the more entitled their children behaved. But parents who emphasized warmth over distinctiveness (telling them “I love you” instead of “you’re special”) raised children who were happy with who they are but didn’t feel superior to others.

At work, one might express support and appreciation for your team members (“I’m so thankful for all you do”) over playing to their feelings of uniqueness (“You’re the best junior analyst we’ve ever had on this team”).

2. Set crystal clear expectations.

According to researcher Paul Harvey, another cause of entitlement can be unmet expectations. Leaders (and parents) can combat this through complete transparency about the effort, performance and behaviors they expect. For example, “I expect that you grow your client base by 10 percent in the next three months,” or “When I tell you to clean your room, it means to make your bed and put your clothes in the hamper”.

This leaves less room for creative interpretation of what the standards really are.

3. Make rewards creative and unpredictable.

I once had a client who, two Fridays in a row, decided to reward her team’s hard work with surprise bagels. The third Friday, when she didn’t bring in breakfast, one of her top employees appeared in her office. “Where,” he demanded, “are our bagels?”

Providing predictable rewards can unwittingly breed entitlement. I’m not saying that you should withhold appreciation, but to prevent your team from becoming a bunch of entitled whiners who want a prize just for showing up in the morning, make sure they earn it, and make rewards unpredictable. Our bagel leader could have brought in coffee on a Wednesday and bagels the next Friday. Mix things up for goodness sake!

4. Don’t feed the beast.

Though the jury is still out as to whether managers can increase employee entitlement (I think it can), some research hints that playing into the behavior of entitled people makes the problem much worse. Luckily, not rewarding or even punishing entitled behavior might help them behave more reasonably. Building on the clear expectations you’ve set, for example, you can provide feedback about whether the person is indeed meeting expectations, and create consequences if they’re not.

5. Be prepared to act decisively.

In some cases, leaders who are doing everything listed above may still have an employee who feels superior to others. Here, it’s best to remember the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Sometimes the best thing for the leader, the team and even the employee is to help them find a better opportunity. Obviously, this last piece of advice applies only to the workplace. As the saying goes, you can choose your friends (and often your employees) but you can’t choose your family!

Finally, regardless to which generation an entitled employee belongs, when in doubt, remember: Leaders receive the behavior they reward and tolerate. Always.