14个诀窍教你“高攀”社会名流、富商大咖

谢天谢地，《Getting There》这本书出版后反响很好，大家对我的采访对象说的话非常感兴趣。但到目前为止，我最常碰到的问题是：你是怎么认识这些人的？

说起来这并不容易，也不可能一蹴而就。下文列举的，是我所有的人际关系技巧。你可以利用这些技巧去认识那些貌似“不可能”高攀的人，不管他们是你潜在的老板、投资人、客户还是其他什么大人物。

1、搞清状况。

大多数杰出人物都极其忙碌。他们每天都会接到许多许多的邀请：采访、演讲、谈生意、搞慈善等等，更不用说还有事业、家庭和个人生活在等着他们。他们根本没有时间接受所有的请求，所以就算拒绝你，也是人之常情。

如果你自己本身不是一个名人，或者不能提供让他们非常感兴趣的东西，那么，你就得接受他们不会特别重视你的事实——不管这些请求在你自己看来有多重要。

2、抛弃自尊。

你可能会被忽视或拒绝很多次，切勿因事非人，也不要让它摧毁你的信心。

记住，你可以牵着马去饮水，但最大的障碍是要让马知道面前有水喝。

3、你必须让你的请求获得决策者的注意。

如果你有任何用得上的关系，别忘了充分利用。这也未必非得是一个特别“硬”的关系。

我是这样联系上CBS公司总裁兼CEO莱斯利•穆恩维斯的：我闺密的老公有一个朋友曾在CBS工作过，也愿意介绍我认识穆恩斯的助理。这个助理每天都跟着穆恩斯工作，足以确保他看见了我的请求。

如果你没有这种关系（大多数情况下我也没有），以下几种方法可以让你的请求得到注意：

4、让自己尽可能有人情味儿——越显得没有人情味儿，越容易被拒绝。

当面提出请求，是最好的方法，这样可以给他留下一个活生生的印象。（在看不见对方表情的电子邮件或微博上拒绝人，要比当面拒绝容易得多。）如果你有办法直接接近你的目标，而且用一种看起来不像是个跟踪狂的方式，那就容易成功得多，比如在一场宴会或活动上。但切记，千万别喋喋不休，或占据对方太多时间。我通常只是简单介绍自己，用一两句话进行试探，然后问如果我想采访他的话需要具体联系谁。一般情况下，这位名人会给我一个具体负责人的名字，然后我就会尽快联系他。

比如，我曾经给艺术家杰夫•昆斯的办公室发送过几次采访请求，但都没有获得回复。后来，我恰好在纽约一场活动上看到了昆斯。我直接走向他，告诉他我在写一本什么样的新书，曾经联系他的办公室，却一直没有回音，所以我需要知道到底应该联系谁。昆斯给了我一个人的名字，然后第二天早上我直接给那个人写了封邮件说：“杰夫与我昨晚碰了面，我们短暂探讨了他参与我的新书的可能性，他要求我与你联系具体细节。”

联系名厨丹尼尔•布鲁德、企业家沃伦•巴菲特的方式也是大同小异。

5、如果你无法直接见到本人（大多数时候都是见不到的），那么你可尝试联系你能够接触到的人（比如采访目标的公关负责人或助理）。

记得要直接称呼对方的名字，因为这样会营造更个人化的联系。如果你不知道那个人的名字就去问。一封发给有名有姓之人的邮件，要比一封发给“致有关人士”的邮件更受待见。

我是这样联系上诺贝尔和平奖得主穆罕默德•尤纳斯的：我曾经与一位女士吃饭，她恰好是尤纳斯女儿的朋友。她试图帮我联系尤纳斯的办公室，但是没能成功。后来我们又商议了另一个计划，她告诉我，尤纳斯正好要在城里某家酒店做一个演讲。于是，我埋伏在酒店大厅里，等到他的演讲结束后，我迎上前去和他搭话，边说边陪他拦出租车。然后，我迅速地拍了一张他的照片，以备他最终同意参与我的新书（毕竟，他住在孟加拉）。为了让他同意接受电话采访，我追了他整整一年半的时间，期间我周而复始地联系他的两个办公室的5名助理。我知道所有助理的名字，他们也认识我。

6、如果一个人不能给你一句“Yes”，就永远不接受他说的“No”。

我的朋友（史蒂夫•柯恩）早先对我说了这番话，我一直把它牢记在心。重点是，不要让一名员工嘴里说出的“No”毁了你的自信。前门锁上了就走后门，后门锁上了走旁门，如果旁门也锁上了就爬窗户。如果窗户也爬不进去，那就等一等，然后再试试前门。这次总有人会回答你的！

所谓前门/后门/旁门/窗户，其实是指那些能帮助你和采访对象搭上线的人，比如公关负责人、中间人、员工、跟他共过事的人，或者是他的朋友的朋友的朋友……

我很少只是联系一个员工或只走一扇门，如果某个人一再忽略或拒绝我，我就会转而走另一个人的门路，并且装作什么都没发生的样子——我绝不会提起我之前曾被忽略或拒绝过。（很多时候你的采访目标甚至根本就不知道你的请求——往往是被他的某位下属径直拒绝。）

7、就按字面意思去理解对方的回复。

如果你没有从对方那里听到确切的“No”，就再尝试一次。比如，如果对方回答说“很不幸，他目前没有办法参与”，就要按字面意识理解这个“目前”，稍后再次跟进。

8、永远友好和善，让人乐意相处

面对陌生人“摆脸色”，没有人会给出比较好的回应。那种行为只会令你进一步受到忽视，或者被永远拒之门外。（甚至有可能给你带来坏名声。）

如果你觉得对方最终的确坚定地拒绝了你，也要做到优雅地消失，并且感谢对方曾考虑过你的提议。

9、不要向对方表示他曾有任何忽视你的行为。

比如不要抱怨你已经打过5次电话了。如果某个人忽略了你，你给他发跟进邮件时，不要在下面附上你上次发送的旧邮件。你可以发一封新邮件，也可以把上次的邮件再发一遍，总之装作你从来没有被忽略过。

这样一来，如果对方选择回信的话，你至少已经给人家留了面子，而且对方也就不必就之前忽略你的事再编任何借口了。

10、信件内容要简洁明了。

要迅速切入要点。记住，大家都很忙，没时间揣测你的真实意图。

11、如果获得了某人的回复，就紧紧抓住那个人，不要让他跑了。

我是在1993年夏天学到这个教训的，当时我还是一名房地产中介。有同行教导我，如果客户看中了房子，在交定金之前，千万不能让他们脱离你的视线。原因很简单，如果你让他们走了，“明天再来”，那么他们就会重新考虑自己的决定。所以我基本上会陪着客户去银行，等他们取出定金。搞人际关系也是同样的道理。如果有人回复你的请求，一定要迅速做出回应。你要让他们在忘记你这个人或忙别的事之前，先着手处理你的要求。

12、只要有机会，就不惜代价地尽快抓住它。

这意味着，如果你的目标人士说从哪天到哪天有空，就一定要占用他的第一天——不管你自己本来的安排是什么。

13、想尽一切办法挤到门里。

我对巴菲特的采访原定只有10分钟，为了这10分钟，我特地从纽约飞到奥马哈。

在我见到巴菲特之前，他不想让我拍摄他的照片。我告诉他，我需要拍一张他的照片，但我向他保证，这不会占用他给我的采访时间。我在电子邮件中开玩笑道：“……哪怕是一张你从我跟前夺路而逃的照片。”

最后，我刚刚走进巴菲特的办公室，就立即给他拍了一张照片，我们的采访整个持续了大约半小时。

最难搞定的嘉宾之一是建筑师弗兰克•盖里。我按照他公司官网的电子邮件盲目地发送了两封采访请求，好消息是我并没有被完全置之不理，坏消息是两次都被拒绝了。

几个月后，我发现一个朋友的爸爸的新女朋友（请把这重关系看两遍，充分认识到任何关系都可能是好关系）认识他，并且愿意替我转达我的请求。于是她把我的请求转给了盖里，结果两次都遭到无视！

几个月后，我觉得我应该再试一次（毕竟电子邮件是免费的，而且你永远不知道会发生什么！），于是我又向他公司的邮箱地址发了一封邮件，奇迹发生了——我收到了一封回复！我只能想，是不是他的公司那天来了一名新的助理。

我立即给她回了邮件，问了她的名字，然后问她能否给她发一些我的作品拿给盖里看看。俗话说趁热打铁，当时我虽然不在家，但我让替我养猫的人连夜把材料快递给了她。

然后我给她的办公室打了电话，确保她收到了邮件。记住，通过电话交流会多有几分人情味儿。她把我的材料拿给了盖里，盖里说可以，然后我们就预约了采访！

不过这并不是故事的结局。盖里整整一年都没有接受我的采访（我在他那儿的份量就是这么低）。当时我像皮球一样被他的4个助理踢来踢去（每次我打电话跟进，都有一个新人问我是谁，盖里曾经答应过我什么），但最终我还是获得了采访他的机会，你可以在《Getting There》中看到相关内容。

顺便说一句，当我最终与盖里会面的时候，他压根不知道我曾经缠着他或他的办公室那么久。（事实上我的采访对象没一个知道。）

14、坚持就有回报。

如果说我从这本新书的采访历程中学到了什么，那就是，决心和坚持最终总会有回报。伊恩•施拉格在《Getting there》中的一段话再恰当不过地表达了这个道理。他说：“最终，人和人之间的区别是很小的。那些最想成功的人，那些最百折不挠地追求的人，就是最终获得成功的人。”

如果你对于想追求的事物真正怀有激情，那么追求任何目标都会容易得多，正是这种激情给予了你坚持的力量。以我为例，我真心相信书中的观点，并深信读者们会从采访对象的谈话中获益。我也相信，我的采访对象们会对最终的作品感到满意。如果没有这种信心，我就不可能克服创作和采访过程中遭遇的种种冷眼和拒绝，也不会百折不挠，一次又一次地联系他们。（财富中文网）

本文作者吉莉安•佐伊•西格尔是《Getting There：A book of Mentors》一书的作者。

译者：朴成奎

审校：任文科

Getting There has, thankfully, been well received and people are incredibly interested in what my subjects have to say — but, by far, the most common question I get is: How did you manage to land these people??!!

Well, it wasn’t quick or easy, but laid out below are all my networking techniques — a blueprint you can use for landing your own “impossible” connections, whether they be potential employers, investors, customers, or some other great get.

First, understand the lay of the land:

Most luminaries are extremely busy. They receive multiple requests every day for interviews, speaking engagements, new business opportunities, charity functions, you name it, not to mention the obligations they have with their careers, families, and personal lives. Understandably, there are simply not enough hours in the day for them to say yes to everything. And they definitely don’t.

If you are not a big name or don’t have something major to offer, accept that you will not be at the top of anyone’s priority list — no matter how important your request might seem to you.

Next, toss your ego out the window.

You will be ignored and rejected a lot, and you can’t take it personally or allow it to depress or discourage you.

Know that you can lead a horse to water, but the biggest hurdle is making sure the horse knows that the water is in front of its face.

You must get your request noticed by the decision maker.

If you have any connection at all, use it.Your connection doesn’t need to be a big one.

Here’s how I contacted Leslie Moonves, President and CEO of CBS: My best friend’s husband had a friend who used to work at CBS and was willing to put me in touch with Moonves’s assistant. The assistant, who works closely with him every day, made sure he saw my request.

If you don’t have a connection (and most often I didn’t), here are some ways to get your request noticed:

Make yourself as human as possible — the less human you appear, the easier it is for someone to reject you.

Asking in person is the best method; that way it’s obvious you’re human. (It’s a lot easier to say no to a faceless email or tweet.) If you can figure out a way to run into your target in a not stalkerish way, try to do so — for example at a party or event. But don’t be annoying or take up too much of your target’s time. I usually introduce myself, give a one or two sentence pitch, and then ask whom I should contact with more details. The luminary usually gives me the name of a point person; then I contact that person ASAP.

Example: I had sent several requests to the artist Jeff Koons’ office with no response. I then happened to see Koons at an art event in NYC. I went right up to him, told him about my book and that I had already contacted his office to no avail — so I needed to know exactly who to reach out to. Koons gave me a name and the next morning I wrote to that person with something like, “Jeff and I met last night. We briefly discussed his participation in my upcoming book and he told me to contact you with the details.”

I got the chef Daniel Boulud and Warren Buffett to participate in a similar way.

If you can’t ask in person — and most times you can’t — try to connect to the person you can reach (your target’s publicist, assistant, etc.).

Always use the name of the person you are corresponding with since it makes for a more personal connection. If you don’t have that person’s name, ask for it. An email to a specific person instead of one addressed “to whom it may concern” is a bit harder for the recipient to ignore.

Here’s how I got Nobel Peace Prize recipient Muhammad Yunus to participate: I once had lunch with a woman who is a friend of Yunus’s daughter. She tried to contact his office on my behalf to make the introduction but was ignored. When I checked in with her to come up with a Plan B, she told me Yunus happened to be in town giving a speech at a hotel. I lurked in the lobby until he was done, made my pitch while following him out to get a taxi, and snapped his photo in case he eventually agreed to participate in Getting There (after all, he lives in Bangladesh.) I then pursued him for over a year and a half to get a phone interview — all the while bouncing among about five different assistants at two different offices. I know all those assistants’ names and they got to know mine.

Never accept “no” from someone who can’t give you a “yes.”

My friend (Steve Cohen!) told me this early on, and it really stuck with me. The point is, don’t let a “no” from one employee deter you. If the front door is locked, try the back door; if the back door is locked, try the side door; if the side door is locked, try crawling in a window. If you can’t do that, wait a while then try the front door again. Someone might answer this time!

What does this front door/side door/window bit really mean? I am talking about ways in — avenues — like a publicist, an agent, an employee, someone who once did business with the person, a friend of a friend of a friend….

I rarely dealt with just one employee and one door. When someone ignored me repeatedly or rejected me, I switched to someone else and acted like nothing had ever happened — I never mentioned I was previously ignored or rejected. (A lot of times your target never even saw your request — an employee rejected it instead.)

Take responses literally.

If you don’t get a definitive “no” from someone, try again. For example, if you get an, “Unfortunately, he can’t participate in that now,” take “now” literally and follow up later.

Never be anything but friendly and pleasant to deal with.

No one reacts well to “attitude” from strangers. That kind of behavior will only get you ignored even more — or axed for good. (It may also earn you a bad reputation.)

If you do get what you consider to be a final rejection, lose graciously and thank the person for considering your request.

Never rub anyone’s nose in the fact that they’re ignoring you.

For example, don’t complain that you called five times already. If you send a follow-up email to someone that has been ignoring you, don’t forward the old email. Send a new email (or send your prior email) like it has never been sent before.

This allows your contact to save face if they do choose to respond — and lets that person respond without having to make any excuses for why they previously ignored you.

Keep your correspondence simple and clear.

Get to your point quickly. Remember how busy everyone is; no one has time to sift through paragraphs to figure out what your email is about.

Once you get a response from someone, grab hold of that person and don’t let go.

I learned this lesson the summer of 1993, when I worked as a real estate broker. When clients decided they wanted to rent an apartment I had just shown them, I was instructed to not to let them out of my sight until they put down a deposit. Why? Simple: if I let them walk away and “get back to me tomorrow,” they might reconsider their decision. So I literally accompanied my clients to the bank while they took out cash for their deposit. The same is true with networking.

If someone responds to your request, act fast and respond immediately. You need to get the ball rolling before they forget about you and move on to something else.

Take whatever you can get as soon as you can get it.

That means accepting the very first day the person is available — regardless of your schedule.

Get your foot in the door any way you can.

My interview with Warren Buffett was scheduled for 10 minutes. I traveled from NYC to Omaha for it.

Before we met Warren said he didn’t want me to take his photo. I told him I needed to take it but assured him it wouldn’t cut into my allotted time with him, joking by email, “… even if it ends up being a photo of you running away from me.”

In the end, I took Warren’s photo as soon as I walked in his office door and our interview actually lasted for about an hour. Check his entire essay out here.

One of the most challenging Getting There subjects for me to land was the architect Frank Gehry. I sent a couple of blind requests to the email address listed on his company’s website. The good news is that I was not totally ignored; the bad news is that I was rejected both times.

A few months later I found out my friend’s father’s new girlfriend (read that relationship twice and realize any connection can be a good connection) knew Frank and was willing to pass along my request. She sent him my request twice and was totally ignored both times!

A few months later I figured I would try again (after all, emails are free, and ya never know!), so I sent yet another email to his company’s email address and a miracle happened — I got a response! I can only assume a new assistant was on duty that day.

I immediately emailed her back, got her name, and asked if I could send her some samples of my work to show Gehry. Again, strike while the iron is hot: I was away at the time so I had my cat sitter overnight the material to her.

I called the office to follow up and make sure that she got it; remember, speaking on the phone makes the connection more personal. She showed my material to Gehry, he said yes, and we set up an appointment!

But that’s not the end of the story. Gehry then proceeded to cancel on me for a full year (I was that low on his priority list). During that time I bounced between 4 of his assistants (it seemed like every time I called to follow up a new person needed to be filled in on who I was and what Gehry had agreed to), but I eventually got some time with him and he is now in Getting There!

By the way: when I finally met with Gehry,Fra he had absolutely no idea I had ever been hounding him or his office. (In fact, none of my subjects did.)

Persistence pays off.

If I learned one lesson from the people who I interviewed for Getting There it is that determination and resilience eventually pay off. Of all my subjects, I think that Ian Schrager sums up this sentiment best in his Getting There essay. He says, “In the end, there’s so little that separates people. Those who want success the most and are relentless about pursuing it are the ones who get it.”

Pursuing any goal is much easier if you are truly passionate about what you want; that’s what gives you the fuel to persevere. In my case, I really believed in the concept of my book and felt that readers would truly benefit from what my subjects could share. I also felt sure my subjects would be happy with the finished product; if I hadn’t felt that way it would have been extremely difficult to overcome all the rejection and keep approaching people over and over again.

Gillian Zoe Segal is the author of Getting There: A Book of Mentors.