敌意收购大师卡尔•伊坎妙语录

    上周五，对冲基金经理比尔•阿克曼对营养品公司康宝莱（Herbalife）的声讨终于有了点儿收效：它带来了CNBC财经电视台几个月以来（也许是几年来？甚至是有史以来？）最有娱乐性的半个小时。投资人卡尔•伊坎打进电话来，要和阿克曼在康宝莱问题上一辩高下，两人的相互奚落就像小学生在斗嘴。

    比如，伊坎说：“就算你是地球上最后一个人，我也不会和你一起投资。”再比如：“在华尔街，要想交朋友的话就去养条狗，他就是这句话的典型体现。”好吧，但这和康宝莱，甚至和阿克曼有什么关系？有谁不知道华尔街并不总是温情脉脉吗？它不就该是这样吗？

    重点在于我们不该指望对冲基金来扮演警察的角色。当初阿克曼把这家多层级营养品营销公司称为传销组织的时候，他几乎就像是证券交易委员会（SEC）的志愿执法先锋，而且还表现得几乎像真的一样。

    经过安然（Enron）和莱曼兄弟（Lehman Brothers）引发的风波之后，这样做看似可以接受。但其实不然。由于伊坎等人开始为康宝莱站脚助威，阿克曼的做法就不再显得那么大公无私，而更像是一次常规投资行动。这让他们有机会来了结一桩旧怨。由于SEC不想给对冲基金当裁判，再说它也应该如此，所以如果这项调查由SEC亲自实施，它对康宝莱提出指控的可能性就会更高一些。

    因此从某个角度来说，阿克曼让SEC的工作变得更加困难，而不是更为轻松。如果SEC最后没有起诉康宝莱，那是否意味着康宝莱就不是传销组织呢？这个问题现在还没有确切答案。但这必然会让康宝莱显得更加合法。

    无论如何，这件事给典型的伊坎主义又添上了令人喜闻乐见的一笔。以下是这位企业狙击手近年来说过的话，有些妙趣横生，有些则自以为是：

    1）1988年，德士古（Texaco）首席执行官不愿拆分有价值的加拿大子公司并提高分红水平，伊坎将其行为和希特勒及斯大林相提并论：“很多人为反对暴政而死。我至少可以对它投反对票。”

    On Friday, hedge fund manager Bill Ackman's crusade against Herbalife finally produced a dividend: CNBC's most entertaining half hour in months (years?) (ever?). The investor Carl Icahn called in to duke it out with Ackman over Herbalife, slinging the type of put downs you might expect to hear on an elementary school playground.

    Like this one: "I wouldn't invest with you if you were the last guy on earth," said Icahn. And this one: "He's the quintessential example that on Wall Street if you want a friend, get a dog." Yes, but what does that have to do with Herbalife, or even Ackman? And who didn't know Wall Street wasn't all lovey-dovey? Is it supposed to be?

    The big point here is that we shouldn't be relying on hedge funds to do our police work. When Ackman called out the multi-level marketing health supplements company as a pyramid scheme, it almost seemed like he was doing pro-bono work for the Securities and Exchange Commission. And Ackman nearly presented it as such.

    In a post-Enron and post-Lehman Brothers world that might seem acceptable. But it's really not. Now that Icahn and others have come to Herbalife's defense, Ackman's position seems less altruistic, and more like a typical trade. And now a chance to settle an old feud. Because the SEC probably wants to avoid becoming the hedge fund world's referee, and it should, it's now less likely the SEC would bring charges against Herbalife (HLF), than if it had started the investigation on its own.

    So Ackman in a way makes it harder to for the SEC to do its job, rather than the other way around. And if the SEC ends up eventually not bringing charges, does that mean Herbalife is not a pyramid scheme? It's not clear. But it will certainly add more legitimacy to the business.

    Either way, the event brought welcome additions to the collection of classic Icahnisms. Here's are some zingers and self-righteous declarations that the corporate raider has dished out over the years:

    1) Comparing the acts of Hitler and Stalin to the fact that Texaco's CEO didn't want to split off a valuable Canadian subsidiary, or increase it's dividend in 1988: "A lot of people die fighting tyranny. The least I can do is vote against it."