性别定势思维：女儿给父亲上的一堂课

    债券行业巨擘太平洋投资管理公司（PIMCO）首席执行官兼联合首席投资官默罕默德•埃尔-埃利安曾对我说，他把Facebook首席运营官谢莉尔•桑德伯格撰写的《向前一步》（Lean In）中的部分内容读给自己10岁的女儿听，让我觉得他是个超前的人。他在为《财富》杂志（Fortune）网站撰写的一篇精彩文章中解释了高管人员为什么应该读一读桑德伯格的这本最畅销著作。从那以后，他对职业女性的评价就接二连三地出现在我的收件箱里。上周，他把下面这个故事发到了我这里，故事内容是他在自己家里对性别思维倾向问题处理不当，以及他从这个任何聪明的父母都可能犯的错误中吸取的教训。

    子女刚刚开始成长时，家长需要保护他们不受性别思维倾向或思维定式的影响。我从来没想过我会在这种时候掉链子。

    但我错了。

    虽然这个错误很小（但愿如此），但它很重要。它让我意识到保证机会均等仍旧是多么的困难。

    我犯下这个失误的过程中，有好几次我都应该更清晰地意识到自己正面临着性别思维倾向所构成的陷阱，这让我感到特别不安。我在公司加入了包容与多元化项目。我参加过足够多的学校活动，目的就是让我辨别那些妨碍女孩子接触科学、技术、工程或数学学科的因素。我是国际女性研究中心（International Center for Research on Women）理事。我拜读了谢莉尔•桑德伯格的《向前一步》（还就此写过文章）。此外，由于男性等于科学，女性等于艺术和人文这种有害而过时的习惯思维仍然困扰着大多数人，我和我妻子一直在努力让我们的女儿去接触那些杰出的女性科学家。

    考虑到上述因素，你也许认为我可以战胜挑战，从而为自己女儿的兴趣提供支持，同时保护她不陷入性别问题陷阱。

    告诉大家这件事并不是因为我乐于让自己陷入尴尬境地，而是因为它再次表明克服有害的性别遗留问题有多难。

    今年是我们10岁的女儿第二次参加为期三周的学术夏令营。上次她选的题目是科学，她很喜欢。随后的一个学年里，她一直乐于学习数学，而且成绩出色。所以，当她告诉我这次她决定选“古代文明”时，我稍有些意外。请不要误会。这个主题没有任何问题。我觉得它不仅有趣，还能开拓眼界。此外，我在埃及度过了一段年轻时光，所以当女儿说选择“古代文明”的原因之一是“想更多地了解我曾经待过的地方”时，我深受感动。

    但女儿的理由没能完全说服我。因此，在她为夏令营做准备时，我不断地追根问底。这让我发现了她选择这个课题的另一个原因，而这个原因则不那么让人放心。

    原来，在之前的科学课上，她是唯一的女生。女儿告诉我：“我不想再成为班上唯一的女生。”所以她选了“古代文明”，因为班里的男女比例可能会更平衡一些。

    Ever since Mohamed El-Erian, the CEO and co-CIO of bond giant PIMCO, told me that he read sections of Facebook (FB) COO Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In to his 10-year-old daughter, I pegged him as an evolved guy. El-Erian wrote a terrific piece for Fortune.com about why executives should read Sandberg's best-seller. Since then, he has peppered my in-box with comments about women in the workplace. And last week, he sent me this story. It's a confession about mishandling gender bias in his own family and learning from a mistake that any smart father or mother could make.

    I never – ever – thought that I would be one of those parents who slips up when it comes to protecting our young daughter from gender biases and stereotypes that emerge early in a child's development.

    Well, I was wrong.

    And while the blunder is (hopefully) small, it serves as an important reminder of how hard it still is to ensure equal opportunities.

    I find my misstep to be particularly disturbing because of the many chances I've had to enhance my awareness of gender bias traps. I've taken part in the Inclusion and Diversity Program at work. I've attended enough school events to recognize obstacles that discourage girls from STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) subjects. I served on the board of the International Center for Research on Women. I've read (and written about) Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In". And, because most people still fall hostage to the harmful and outmoded habit of associating "male" with science and "female" with arts and humanities, my wife and I have worked hard to expose our daughter to impressive women scientists.

    With all that, you would think that I would be up to the challenge of supporting our daughter's interests and protecting her from falling into a gender trap.

    I am not telling you this because I enjoy embarrassing myself. Rather it is because this serves as yet another example of the challenges that we all face in overcoming harmful legacy gender issues.

    This is the second summer that our 10-year old daughter has attended a three-week camp centered on an academic discipline. The first time around, she chose to focus on science and loved it. During the subsequent school year, she continued to enjoy and excel at mathematics. So I was a little surprised when she informed me that, this time around at camp she had decided to focus on "ancient civilization."

    Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with the topic. I view it as both interesting and mind-expanding. Moreover, I was so touched when she told me one reason for choosing "ancient civilization: "I want to know more about where you came from," she said to me. I had spent part of my youth in Egypt.

    Yet her reasoning did not sound totally convincing. And so, as she was getting ready for camp, I kept on pushing. And I uncovered another – less reassuring – reason for her selection.

    It turns out that she was the only girl in her previous science class. "I don't want to again be the only girl," she told me. So she opted for a subject that would have greater gender balance in the classroom.