怎样培养势不可挡的领袖魅力

    到底是什么让有些人能获得更多尊敬和关注，甚至更多的忠诚？如果你先天并不具备这种让人敬仰和追随的魅力，能否通过后天获得？“魅力”这个词源自古希腊，意思是“神赐的礼物”。这或许也能解释为何我们大多数人都认为这种气质，有就是有，没有也强求不来。

    但约翰•奈分格和马修•克哈特却有不同的看法。这两位是培训公司KNP Communications的联合创始人，公司的客户包括位高权重的高管、政客和媒体明星。从多年前开始，他们两位就开始将个人魅力进行细分。他们写道：“我们研究了最具影响力的人，看看他们如何培养自己的个人魅力。从奥普拉•温弗瑞到罗纳德•里根，从多莉•巴顿到达赖喇嘛，我们发现成功的人都在反复使用相同的策略。”这些策略最终便形成了一本书——《魅力人群：让我们产生影响力的潜在品质》（Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential）。两位作者在许多顶尖商学院授课的时候都引用过书中的内容作为素材。目前，这本书已经成为哈佛（Harward）、哥伦比亚（Columbia）和乔治城麦克多诺商学院（McDonough School of Business）的必读物。

    事实证明，这种被我们称之为“魅力”的、难以言说的东西由两个主要元素组成——强势与同情心。按照两位作者的观点，强势是“一个人能够让事情发生的能力”，而同情心是“一个人共享他人的感觉、兴趣和世界观的意识。”要想当选公职通常需要两者兼具。例如，两位作者表示：“2000年，乔治•W•布什便是以一个富有同情心（热心）的保守主义者（强势）身份参加的总统竞选。”

    听起来不错，但有个问题：要平衡这两种本质上截然相反的品质非常困难。同情心，包括友好、开放和能令人解除防备的自嘲式的幽默感在内，会让人更受欢迎，但却不一定能带来尊敬；而仅有强势则可能给人留下冷淡甚至令人害怕的印象。不论是所谓的魅力、吸引力还是高管的风度，都是同时表现这两种气质的能力——两位作者认为，这种能力“非常罕见，所以一旦有人掌握了这种能力，我们便会对其进行赞美，为其欢欣鼓舞，甚至心怀嫉妒。”

    别担心。《魅力人群》一书详细描述了如何同时做到这两点，或者至少看起来既强势又富有同情心，其中涵盖了从如何微笑和何时微笑，以及在特定情形下如何控制自己的声音，甚至包括克林特•伊斯特伍德著名的强势凝视背后的眼睑紧张技巧。

    如果你之前从未考虑过握手这些基本的要素，本书建议你从现在开始做起。很明显，关键是有意识地注意准备好手指的屈伸肌群。“重要的是，你的握手必须与对方的握手相匹配，”不论对方的握手是强有力的，还是死鱼式的不情愿的握手，“只要在握手时让自己的肌肉放松，不论对方握力如何，都能应付自如。”

    身为沟通培训师，该书的两位作者自然会为不利于职场影响力的讲话习惯提供解决方案。其中一种习惯是“用升调说话”，这种山谷女孩式的语调每一句话都使用升调，就像是在问问题一样，非常令人讨厌。这种下意识的语言习惯会无意间传达“顺从的寻求认同”的信号，而且“会造成说话者对确认无疑的事情没有把握的印象”，两者均不是强势（或同情心）的象征。不幸的是，用升调说话这种习惯很难改变。如果你认为这种习惯拖了你的后腿，这本书建议，录下自己的讲话，“强迫自己强忍着听听”自己的声音是多么令人沮丧。

    What is it exactly that makes some people command far more respect and attention, even devotion, than their peers? And if you're not born with the kind of magnetism that compels people to admire and follow you, can you acquire it? "Charisma" comes from a Greek word that means "gift from the gods," which may explain why most of us assume you've either got it or you don't.

    John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut beg to differ. Co-founders of KNP Communications, a coaching firm with a client roster of high-powered executives, politicians, and media stars, the pair set out a few years ago to break charisma down to its component parts. "We studied the most compelling people to see how they pulled it off," they write. "From Oprah Winfrey to Ronald Reagan, from Dolly Parton to the Dalai Lama, we saw successful people using the same strategies over and over."

    Those strategies are spelled out in Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential. The book, which includes some material the authors have already taught as lecturers at a few top B-schools, is now required reading at Harvard, Columbia, and the McDonough School of Business at Georgetown.

    It turns out that the ineffable thing we call charisma has two primary elements, strength and warmth. Strength, by the authors' lights, is "a person's capacity to make things happen," while warmth is "the sense that a person shares our feelings, interests, and view of the world." Getting elected to public office usually takes both. For instance, the authors note, "George W. Bush ran in 2000 as a compassionate (warm) conservative (strong)."

    Sounds good, but there's a catch: Balancing the two qualities, which are fundamentally different or even opposed, is tricky. Warmth -- including friendliness, openness, and a disarmingly self-deprecating sense of humor -- may make you likeable, but it doesn't necessarily command respect, while strength alone can come across as icy or even scary. What we call charisma, magnetism, or executive presence is the knack of projecting both at once -- an ability, the authors observe, that is "so rare that we celebrate, elevate, and envy those who manage it."

    Not to worry. Compelling People goes into exhaustive detail about how to be -- or seem -- strong and warm at the same time, addressing everything from how and when to smile, to how to modulate your voice in given kinds of situations, to the specific eyelid-tensing technique behind Clint Eastwood's famous power stare.

    If you've never given much thought to basics like simply shaking hands, the book suggests you start. The key, apparently, is applying "conscious focus" to preparing the flexors and extensors in your fingers: "It is important that your handshake match that of the person you are greeting," whether it's bone-crushing or dead-fish, so "keep those hand muscles flexed as you go in, and you'll be ready for any grip strength you come across."

    Naturally for a couple of communications coaches, the authors offer remedies for habits of speech that undermine people's influence at work. One of these is "uptalk," that annoying Valley-girl intonation that makes every sentence turn up at the end like a question. It's a verbal tic that inadvertently signals "submissive approval seeking" and "creates the impression the speaker is uncertain about things that should not be in doubt" -- neither of which conveys strength (or warmth either, for that matter). Unfortunately, uptalk can be a tough habit to break. If you suspect it's holding you back, the authors recommend recording yourself and "forcing yourself to endure listening" to how uninspiring you sound.