亲爱的安妮：我曾在一家公司担任高级经理，现在我真的很想回到那里。但到目前为止我连个面试机会都没有争取到，原因是我写的一封电子邮件。在我离职前，顶头上司的指示总是和总部的意思相悖，这让我受了很多挫折（这是我辞职的一大原因）。从那以后，情况有了很大变化，公司进行了兼并，我原来的老板也不在了。

因此，我决定应聘，那个职位和我原来的工作差不多。但不幸的是，在写给前老板继任者的电邮里，我解释了自己此前离职的原因，也就是在前老板手下工作为什么那么让人沮丧。结果，我发现这封电邮让人力资源总监和新老板非常生气，而且现在依然如此，所以他们无论什么职位都不愿意考虑我，尽管我有这样的资历。虽然有这样的问题，但我真的很想回去，因为我发现在那儿工作是我度过的最快乐的时光。有什么办法能让我向他们道歉并说服他们重新聘用我吗？——匿名者，恳请帮忙

亲爱的匿名者：哎，你可能已经彻头彻尾地毁掉了这个机会。但在很大程度上，这还要看你是不是真的对自己在那封糟糕的电邮里说的话感到后悔。

管理人员培训机构The Gregg Ward Group首席执行官格雷格·沃德认为：“人们都有相当出色的测谎功能，而且通常他们都能分辨出你是否真的感到抱歉。”这家公司设在圣地亚哥市，客户包括百时美施贵宝、洛克希德·马丁以及美国航空航天局。沃德还写了部新书，名叫《令人尊敬的领导者：去影响而不是胁迫别人的七种方法》（The Respectful Leader: Seven Ways to Influence Without Intimidation）。“如果你道歉的原因只是想达到自己的目的——具体来说是重新上岗——那就不用麻烦了，还不如干点儿别的。”

不过，让我们假设你真的感到抱歉，就像作家多萝西·帕克说的，“说实话办坏事”。职场上的道歉特别需要技巧，而且CEO们特别不善长这样做，这一点众所周知。沃德认为，公众人物经常躲在“不是道歉的道歉”背后，“我们都见过，政坛人物、电影明星和运动员搞砸了事情，从而让自己的职业生涯处于危险之中，然后做出不是道歉的道歉。” 沃德还说，这些虚情假意的道歉会用一些“模糊词语，比如‘如果我说了伤人的话，我很抱歉’或者‘我向所有我可能冒犯了的人道歉’。所有这些表达方式都是在为道歉的人甩锅，所以大家都会觉得他并不是出于真心。”

你一定得避免这种情况，并且要真的道歉。按沃德的定义，这至少包括七个部分（顺便说一下，大量学术研究都支持沃德的这个观点。比如说，俄亥俄州立大学最近的一项研究发现，在获得别人原谅的六个步骤中，“承担责任”是最重要的一环。）

这七个步骤如下：

1.承认自己的错误。人们总想把自己的过失归咎于别人，比如天气、交通或者木星逆行。别这样做。要直截了当地承认自己不应该写那封电邮，而且就此打住。

2.解释一下自己所做的为何如此不妥。明确指出你的电邮有哪些不友善或者不专业（亦或二者兼有）的地方，这可能有助于说服那些被它冒犯的人，让他们相信你理解并重视他们的观点。

3.不要做解释。这一点非常重要，基本上等同于第一步的重复。也许你这一天都过的很糟心，或者你的长尾小鹦鹉刚刚死去，又或者（最有可能）原来的老板让你受打击的时间太长，以至于你必须一吐为快。但问题在于，你想求得谅解的人不关心这个问题。沃德说：“你一找借口，对方就什么也听不进去了。”

4.表示自己真的很抱歉。沃德指出，低声下气对许多人来说都是件痛苦的事，原因是“我们不喜欢负罪感，特别是我们本来就根本不打算伤害别人的时候。这会让自尊大受打击。”

5.保证不再犯。沃德说，为了不让别人觉得你道歉只是想重新进入那家公司，“你必须非常清楚地表明，无论今后在哪里工作，自己都绝不会再犯这样的错误了。这和求职无关。这是从错误中吸取教训，并且取得进步。”

6.提出补偿建议。对于自己冒犯的人，如果能想到任何补偿办法，就提出来。既然你跟对方（还）不是同事，你就可以用这样的方式来表明自己希望他们再给你一次自我证明的机会。

7. 就第六步采取行动。如果可能，用实际行动来证明自己的话。

沃德说：“如果贯彻这七个步骤，人们一定会原谅你，而且往往会比你犯错之前更尊敬你”。但做到这一点并不容易，特别是你这样的情况，因为“你必须分别向两个生你气的人道歉。”

当然，让人感到鼓舞的是你愿意重复这七个步骤的态度或许就能让人力资源总监和新老板相信你的诚意。

祝你好运！（财富中文网）

译者：Charlie

校对：詹妮

Dear Annie: I really want to be rehired by a company where I used to be a senior manager, but so far I haven’t even been able to get an interview there. The reason is an email that I wrote. Before I left my former position, I had been reporting to someone whose expectations conflicted with what headquarters wanted, which created a lot of frustration for me (a big reason why I quit). A lot has happened since then, including a merger, and my old boss is no longer there.

So I decided to apply for an opening similar to my old job, and unfortunately I sent an email to the person who replaced my old boss that included an explanation of why I left, that is, why working for this new person’s predecessor was so frustrating. Now, I’ve discovered that both the director of human resources and the new boss were, and are still, so offended by that email that I won’t be considered for any position at the company, despite my qualifications. I really want to go back because, despite the problems, I’ve realized that I was at my happiest when I worked there. Is there any way I can apologize and persuade them to rehire me? —Anonymous, Please

Dear A.P.: Yikes. You may have well and truly burned this bridge right down to the ground. But a lot depends on whether you genuinely regret what you put in that disastrous email.

“People have pretty good B.S. detectors, and they can usually tell whether you’re sincerely sorry,” says Gregg Ward, CEO of San-Diego-based executive coaching firm The Gregg Ward Group, whose clients include Bristol-Myers Squibb, Lockheed Martin, and NASA. Ward is also the author of a new book, The Respectful Leader: Seven Ways to Influence Without Intimidation. “If you’re only apologizing in order to get what you want — in this instance, to get rehired — don’t even bother. Just move on.”

But let’s suppose you really are sorry about having given in to what Dorothy Parker used to call “a bad case of the frankies.” Apologies in workplace settings are especially tricky, and CEOs in particular are notoriously bad at them. Public figures often hide behind “a non-apology apology,” says Ward. “We’ve all heard politicians, movie stars, and athletes make non-apology apologies after they’ve screwed up somehow and put their careers at risk.” The hallmarks of these phony mea culpas are “weasel words, such as, ‘I’m sorry if what I said was hurtful’ or ‘I’m sorry to anyone I might have offended,’” he adds. “All of these phrases shift responsibility away from the apologizer, so nobody believes he or she really means it.”

You definitely want to avoid that, and make a real apology, which by Ward’s definition includes no fewer than 7 parts. (Plenty of academic research backs him up on this, by the way, including one recent Ohio State University study that found that, among the half-dozen steps it takes to win someone’s forgiveness, “accepting responsibility” is the single most important element.)

Here are the 7 steps:

1.Admit you were at fault. It’s tempting to try shifting the blame to other people — or the weather, or the traffic, or Jupiter in retrograde — for our own mistakes. Don’t. Simply acknowledge that you shouldn’t have written that email, period.

2.Describe why what you did was wrong. Pinpointing exactly what was unkind or unprofessional (or both) about your email could help persuade the people offended by it that you understand, and value, their point of view.

3.Skip the excuses. This one is so crucial that it’s essentially a reiteration of Number One, above. Maybe you were having a rotten day, or your parakeet had just died, or (most likely) you had been frustrated with your old boss for so long that you just needed to vent. But here’s the thing: The people whose pardon you’re seeking do not care. “As soon as you make an excuse,” says Ward, “the other person shuts down.”

4.State that you’re truly sorry. Swallowing a big gulp of humble pie is painful for many of us, Ward notes, because “we don’t like feeling guilty, especially when we really didn’t intend any harm. It’s a blow to our self-esteem.”

5.Promise it will never happen again. To avoid creating the impression that you’re only apologizing in order to get rehired, “you have to make it crystal clear that you will never make this mistake again no matter where you work in the future,” says Ward. “It’s not about getting a job. It’s about learning from your mistakes and becoming a better person.”

6.Offer to make amends. If you can think of any way to make it up to the people you offended, suggest it. Since you don’t work at the same company (yet) as the recipients of your apology, here’s where you could say that you’re hoping they’ll give you a second chance to prove yourself.

7.Act on #6. If possible, demonstrate you mean it by following through.

“People do forgive you if you take all seven steps, and often they respect you even more” than they did before you messed up, Ward says. But getting there isn’t easy — particularly in your case, he adds, because “you have to apologize, separately, to each of the two people who are upset with you.”

The encouraging part, of course, is that your willingness to repeat this process twice just might convince both the HR chief and the new boss that you’re sincere.

Good luck!