你的老板最喜欢用的词是“我”和“我自己”，从不真正理解什么叫“团队之中无个人”，原因是他们眼里从来都只有自己。

很不幸，这个世界充满了自恋型老板，自我吹嘘和对批评的免疫力帮助他们攀上了领导岗位（当然了，也有不少人的职业前途牺牲在过于自负上。）

为自恋者工作会让人精疲力尽、士气低落，而且不利于健康和职业发展。但专家们指出，如果更新简历迅速找新工作不现实，可以暂时采用一些策略对付自恋型老板。

了解具体情况。

纽约州立大学宾汉姆顿分校组织研究和领导学助理教授塞斯·斯派恩说：“有一点人们没太在意，那就是自恋分两种，浮夸型和脆弱型。”其中，浮夸型自恋者的危害较小。斯派恩指出：“他们可以承受批评，因为心里根本不相信 。”另一方面，脆弱型自恋者容易妄想，任何他们眼中的冒犯举动都会睚眦必报，无论冒犯多么温和或无意。斯派恩说：“他们的自我膨胀是由于不自信而采取的心理防御。”所以他们会不惜一切代价守住膨胀的自大感。

采取回避策略。

斯派恩认为，如果你的老板是脆弱型自恋者，最佳方案就是敬而远之。他说：“如果不得不给这个人干活，千万不能流露出批评的意思。尽可能减少面对面接触……你跟他们接触越多，就越有可能在意中冒犯对方。”

当好职场盟友。

如果自恋者认为你和他们是一边的，事情顺利的可能性会大一点。佐治亚大学心理系主任W·基思·坎贝尔教授说：“你得让老板认为你很有帮助，可以提升他们在公司中的地位。”有一点对你很有用，就是让他们认为你能帮他们撑面子，尤其有别人在的时候。坎贝尔说：“多奉承，别去抢他们的风头。”

了解他们的弱点。

肯尼索州立大学管理学助理教授李·麦肯扎克最近在学术期刊《Personality and Individual Differences》上发表研究报告称：“自恋者特别容易犯过度自信的错误。”

美国心理学协会最近发表的文章指出：“如果自恋型老板气势凌人、自认为老资格而又总是渴望赞美，可能更容易做出有风险的决定。”如果你自以为是的老板不过脑地夸海口，结果可能惹麻烦，你最好提前应对免得受牵连。

管住他们不现实的预期

如果自恋者的自我受到威胁，会倾向于忽略事实。斯派恩警告说：“你确实得想办法消除自恋者相信的错误信息。他们总会以功臣自居或者大谈特谈别人没法接的事。”这有可能让你很不利，具体影响视职责而定。斯派恩说：“如果老板提出一些完全不合理的预期，你必须得想办法摁住。”

用事实来反击。

如果你的老板用整个部门都能听见的音量冲你大喊大叫，你可能会有向他们大吼“自大狂”的冲动（这样做也许会让你心里舒服点）。但斯派恩指出，对付无礼老板更有效方法是谈具体细节。他说：“紧紧围绕错误行为，只谈当前情况[并]尽量把批评变得具体。”你要小心措辞，别伤到他们无处不在的自我。比如你可以说，虽然他们大喊大叫让你很难过，但你更担心的是这种行为可能损害他们光辉的领导形象（他们的形象是不是真的很好并不重要）。斯派恩说：“如果你能把批评变成恭维，效果就会很好。”

相办法减压。

这很重要。为自恋型老板工作是出了名的累，你得经营好人际关系网，以防哪天他们自大爆棚突然炒了你。坎贝尔说：“在公司内外建立一个广泛而且能充分支持你的社交圈，哪天老板让走人或者因为受不了而辞职也能找到去处。”

意识到总体上都是他们的问题

斯派恩说：“自恋的一部分是支配欲。打压别人让他们觉得自己高大。”换句话说，他们在会议上贬低你，或者发给你言辞尖刻的电子邮件并不是反馈，更多的是为了感知自我。斯派恩指出：“要清楚当前的问题实际上跟你毫无关系，可以保护你的自尊。”（财富中文网）

译者：Charlie

Your boss’s three favorite words are “me,” “myself” and “I,” and they’ve never really gotten that “There’s no I in team” thing, because it’s all about them, all the time.

The world is unfortunately full of narcissistic bosses whose self-aggrandizing and resistance to criticism has propelled them to leadership positions. (Of course, there are just as many, if not more, whose career ambitions are sacrificed on the altar of their ego.)

Working for a narcissist can be draining, demoralizing and destructive to your well-being and career, but if updating your resume and finding a new job is impossible, experts say there are some tactics for managing a narcissistic manager until you can leave.

Know what you’re dealing with.

“One thing that’s under-appreciated is that there are generally two types of narcissist, the grandiose narcissist and the vulnerable narcissist,” says Seth Spain, assistant professor of organizational studies and leadership at Binghamton University. Of the two, the grandiose narcissist is the more benign one. “They take criticism alright because they don’t believe it,” Spain says. On the other hand, the vulnerable narcissist is prone to paranoia and acutely defensive against anything they perceive as a slight, no matter how mild or unintentional. “Their ego inflation is a defense against not really believing in themselves,” Spain says, so they’ll defend that over-inflated sense of self at all costs.

Practice avoidance.

If your boss is a vulnerable narcissist, your best bet is to keep a wide berth, Spain says. “You want to avoid even the appearance of criticism if you’re stuck working for this person,” he says. “You want to have as little face-to-face contact as you can possibly manage… The more you interact with them, the more likely it is you’re going to unintentionally slight them in some way,” he says.

Be a good professional ally.

Things are more likely to go smoothly if the narcissist sees you as someone who’s on their side. “You want your boss to see you as an asset to further his or her status in the organization,” says W. Keith Campbell, professor and head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Georgia. It’s useful for you if they see you as useful for propping up their ego, particularly in front of others. “Use flattery and try not to outshine him or her,” he says.

Know their weak spots.

See what trips them up and anticipate where their behavior might cause problems for them. “Narcissists are especially prone to errors of overconfidence,” Lee Macenczak, assistant professor of management at Kennesaw State University, wrote in a recent study in Personality and Individual Differences.

“A narcissistic boss who radiates feelings of superiority, entitlement and a constant desire for admiration may also be more likely to make risky decisions,” a recent Association for Psychological Science article points out. If your big-headed boss makes big promises that could swamp them, you can better position yourself to avoid the fallout.

Manage their unrealistic expectations.

If the narcissist’s ego is at stake, even facts can go on the back burner. “You do sort of have to actively fight misinformation on the part of the narcissist,” Spain warns. “They’re always going to be taking credit or making grand claims people can’t back up,” and depending on your role in the organization, this can put you in a bad spot. “If the boss is trying to set expectations that are completely unreasonable, you have to try and push back against that,” he says.

Use specifics to fight back.

If your boss screams at you within earshot of the entire department, it might be tempting (and satisfying) to call them out as a the egomaniac they are, but Spain says a more successful way of trying to thwart such behavior is to focus on concrete details. “Make it about the problematic behavior, try to focus on the current situation [and] keep your criticism as specific as possible,” he says. You also could frame it as an appeal to their all-encompassing ego, saying that while you were hurt by their outburst, for instance, you’re also concerned that this behavior could damage their reputation as a great leader. (Whether or not they actually have such a reputation is unimportant here.) “If you can couch a criticism in a flattery it can work well,” Spain says.

Have an outlet to vent.

This is important; narcissistic bosses are notoriously exhausting to work for, and you might need that network if they fire you in an egomaniacal fit. “Build a broad and supportive social network within and outside the organization in case you are let go by the boss, or want to leave because you just can’t take it anymore,” Campbell says.

Realize that it is about them, in a way.

“Narcissism is partially about dominance. They make themselves feel big by making other people feel small,” Spain says. In other words, belittling you at a meeting or sending a scathing email is more about feeding their ego than providing feedback. “Knowing it really has nothing to do with you can help your self-esteem,” he says.