“建立人际关系”这个说法通常会让人不由自主地想予以回避。然而，如能恰当运用，它会成为人们可以掌握的最有价值的技能。

它的核心是建立真正的联系。作家玛格丽特·惠特利曾优雅地写道：“联系即一切。宇宙万物之存续只因其间的种种联系。绝无孤立之物。我们须不再假装自己是可以独来独往的个体。”

不要低估建立人际关系在个人生活和职业生涯中的作用。历史上一些最伟大的思想家都对这门艺术青睐有加。因此，在接近这个概念时，请转变思路，接纳下列观点：

“要明白人是目的，勿将其作为达到目的之手段。”

——伊曼纽尔·康德

“人际关系就是你的净值”，这个观点不可小觑。当今社会无所不联。最有价值的货币是社会资本，这个词语的重点就在于互惠的益处，包括信息的流动、想法的交换和共同的行动。社会资本可以为那些相互有联系的人创造价值，它鼓励以“我们”为出发点来思考问题，而不是“我”。大多数人都通过关系网络找到工作，40%的成年求职者通过个人关系找到“自己最喜欢或者最棒的工作。”原因很简单，无论在哪个行业，人们自然都倾向于和他们了解并喜欢的人做生意。

“我从不担心行动，我只担心没有行动。”

——温斯顿·丘吉尔

如果意图不明，人际关系就会带来损耗。要确切地把握两件事：一是自己能提供什么样的价值，二是自己想获取什么样的价值。与人谈话时一定要注意听，以便判断自己怎样才能为对方带来最大的价值，无论这种价值是某个领域的专长，是重要的联络方式，还是有用的资源。俗话说：“接受之前最好先给予。”人际关系也是如此。真诚而大方地贡献出自己的特长，别人就会觉得他们也得这样做。最终，所有人都会得到更多的东西。

“人生在世的状态很奇怪。我们每个人都是短暂的过客，但不知为什么，有时似乎又在揣度其中的目的。不过，从日常生活的角度而言，我们确知一点，那就是人是为了别人而活着。”

——阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦

没有什么独立存在的事物，人们之间的关系就更不用说了。我们这个时代的繁荣靠的就是相互联系，领英的二、三级联系人图示就是例证。最善于处理人际关系的人把这样的关系理解为相互需要，进而投入所需的时间和精力来建立互信，这样的关系最终将使双方受益。当有人说他们“通过发展人际关系取得成功”，那就意味着他们支持动态的互惠型价值交换，并有策略地借助人际关系走到了目前的位置。

“财富青睐勇者。”

——维吉尔

不要把发展人际关系视为必要之恶，相反，要把它看成展示真我的练习机会。想象一下，站在一屋子陌生人中间让你感到不适，这时有人走过来和你说话，让你几乎立刻就完全放松下来。要成为能让别人放松的人，无论谁独处一隅，都要积极地走上前去。最坏情况下，你们没有任何共同点，你无法为他提供任何真正有价值的东西。如果是这样，就走开吧。但要记住，如果不问，就永远也没有收获。

和别人的密切关系是有建树的领导者和成功企业的关键。年轻的创业者和经验丰富的专业人士都不要再把发展人际关系视为摆布别人，利用他人才能的策略。相反，要把它当作一门建立关系的艺术，并且开始以这样的态度来对待它。（财富中文网）

作者莉萨·王（音译）为SheWorx联合创始人。

译者：Charlie

校对：詹妮

It’s typical for the word “networking” to evoke an involuntary sense of aversion. But when approached correctly, it’s one of the most valuable skills you can develop.

At its core, it is the art of developing real relationships. As author Margaret Wheatley elegantly postulates, “Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.”

Don’t underestimate the power of building relationships for your personal and professional life. Some of the greatest thought leaders in history appreciated this art, so as you approach networking, shift your mindset to embrace the following beliefs:

“Always recognize that human individuals are ends, and do not use them as means to your end.”

——Immanuel Kant

The idea that your “network is your net worth” shouldn’t be taken lightly. In today’s hyper-connected society, the most valuable currency is social capital, a term that specifically points to the benefits of reciprocity: information flow, idea exchange, and collective action. Social capital creates value for those who are connected and encourages the “we” vs. “I” mentality. Most jobs are found through networking and 40% of adult job seekers have found their “favorite or best job” through personal connections. Quite simply, no matter the industry, people are naturally inclined to do business with people they know and like.

“I never worry about action, but only about inaction.”

——Winston Churchill

Networking can be a drain if you aren’t clear about your intentions. Have a firm understanding of two things: 1. What value you can offer and 2. What value you want to receive. Always approach a conversation with an ear to figuring out how you can offer the most value to the other person, whether that’s domain expertise, relevant connections, or helpful resources. As the old proverb goes, “It’s better to give before you receive,” and the same goes for networking. By authentically and generously sharing your expertise, others will feel compelled to do the same, and ultimately, the pie becomes bigger for everyone.

“Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men.”    

——Albert Einstein

Nothing exists in isolation, least of all our relationships. We live in times that thrive upon interconnection, which is exemplified by the visual mapping of LinkedIn’s second and third-degree functionality. Top connectors understand that networks function upon mutual need and as a result, invest the time and energy required to build trusting relationships that will ultimately pay dividends. When people say they “networked their way to the top,” it means they have embraced the dynamic of reciprocal value exchange and have strategically leveraged their contacts to arrive at their current situation.

“Fortune favors the bold.”

 ——Virgil

Instead of viewing networking as a necessary evil, perceive it as an opportunity to practice revealing your authentic self. Imagine uncomfortably standing in a room of strangers, and the almost immediate relief that swells when someone comes over and actually talks to you. Be that person for others and actively go toward whoever is standing alone. The worst thing that can happen is neither of you have anything in common and can’t offer anything of real value. If so, move on. But just remember, if you never ask, you’ll never receive.

Strong personal relationships are the linchpins of accomplished leaders and successful businesses. Young entrepreneurs and seasoned professionals alike must stop thinking of networking as a manipulative strategy that takes advantage of others’ talents. Rather, embrace networking as the art of relationship-building and begin treating it as such.