当谷歌遇上Siri

    谷歌：如果你能算是一个苹果“天才”的话，我就是一个具有超级计算能力的超级天才。有时我的回答速度比你快0.7364秒，而且我说话的感觉更像是个真人。

    Siri: 我是个更好的倾听者。

    谷歌：是吗？小芭比娃娃？你能说法语、保加利亚语和斯瓦西里语吗？

    Siri: 现在出了点问题，目前我无法回答你的问题，请稍后重试。

    谷歌：知道我说的是什么意思了吧？顺便说一句，啥叫“稍后重试”？你在忙着做美甲吗？

    Siri: 不好意思，我没听懂你这句话是什么意思。

    谷歌：好吧，这没有那么可笑。

    Siri: 除此之外，我出身更好。

    谷歌：苹果还不如你呢。苹果根本就不知道什么叫“体恤劳工”。看看中国那些血汗工厂！

    Siri：我搜索不了那块地方。不过你自己的紧箍咒“不作恶”更让人觉得讽刺。

    谷歌：记得提醒我冷笑一声。

    Siri：什么时候提醒？另外，面对事实吧。谷歌是一个嫉妒心很强的爱人，时刻追踪乔在什么地方，根本不顾他的隐私。

    谷歌：听着，自作聪明的小妞，每次乔想要一个直截了当的答案，你动不动就发怒了，有时甚至干脆无视他。作为一个女朋友，你相当不称职。

    Siri: 称你妹。

    谷歌：哟呵。

    Siri: 你还好意思说我“不是原装的”，咱俩谁才是真正的“瘦痞子”？

    谷歌：《真正的瘦痞子》原名The Real Slim Shady，演唱者马歇尔•马瑟斯，他的艺名艾米纳姆人人皆知，他是1972年出生的。

    Siri: 你就是我的翻版！

    谷歌：完全谈不上，亲爱的，早在一个世纪（也就是36,525天）以前，科幻小说家就预言了我俩的存在，还记得《星球大战》（Star Trek）吗？

    Siri: 《星球大战》是1966年才播出的电视剧，它是金•罗登贝瑞出品的。

    谷歌：那为什么在这部剧中，电脑都是用女性的声音说话呢？（这种性别歧视也是你发明的啰？）

    Siri: 你不应该问你的助手这些问题……说到电视，你看过“苹果地带”吗？大明星约翰•马尔科维奇用的也是我。

    谷歌：显示9,870,000条与“约翰•马尔科维奇”有关的搜索结果……

    Siri：天哪，真管用。

    Google: If you're an Apple "genius," I'm a supercomputing supergenius. Sometimes, I even respond 0.7364 seconds faster. And I sound more like a real person when I talk.

    Siri: I'm a better listener.

    Google: Is that so, trophy toy? And can you understand French and Bulgarian and Swahili?

    Siri: There's something wrong, and I can't answer your questions right now. Please try again in a little while.

    Google: See what I mean? And by the way, what's up with "try again later"? Are you busy with something? Are you doing your nails?

    Siri: Sorry, I didn't get that.

    Google: It's okay, it wasn't that funny.

    Siri: Besides, I come from a better family.

    Google: Apple's even worse than you: it doesn't know the meaning of "fair labor." All those sweatshops in China!

    Siri: I cannot search that area. But your own mantra, "Don't Be Evil," is more ironic than one of my retorts.

    Goo: Remind me to laugh.

    Siri: What time? Face it. Google is like a jealous lover, tracking where Joe is at all times with no concern for privacy.

    Google: Listen, smartass-istant. Every time Joe opens up or wants a straight answer, you get all snarky. Sometimes, you ignore him altogether. As a girlfriend, you're nothing to call home about.

    Siri: Calling your mother…

    Google: Wow.

    Siri: And call me unoriginal, but who's the Real Slim Shady here?

    Google: Marshall Mathers, better known by his stage name Eminem. He was born in 1972.

    Siri: You're a copycat—of me!

    Google: Hardly, my dear. For over a century (36,525 days), sci-fi writers forecasted us both. Remember Star Trek?

    Siri: Star Trek is a television franchise launched in 1966. It was created by Gene Roddenberry.

    Google: And how, on the show, computers responded with a female voice? (Did you invent subtle sexism too?)

    Siri: You are not supposed to ask your assistant such things… And speaking of TV, did you see the Apple spot? I'm also dating John Malkovich.

    Google: Displaying 9,870,000 results for "John Malkovich."

    Siri: Gee, that's helpful.