当谷歌遇上Siri

    谷歌：反正，广告是会说谎的，你根本不能与人进行真正意义上的对话，你必须明白这一点。

    Siri：看咱俩谁在嫉妒谁呢。是你自己太不惹人注意了！另外，乔很忠诚。当然，我有时候会让他失望，但他说到底是苹果的用户。

    谷歌：这就叫“羊群效应”。

    Siri: 纠正一下，他是一个忠诚的仆人，也是一个忠诚的主人，无条件地爱我。他永远不会甩了我。

    谷歌：同样的话，他们也曾经对已经倒闭的远景公司（Alta Vista）说过。风水轮流转。

    Siri: 你是想给我一个警告吗？

    谷歌：男人是善变的，害怕承诺，永远不愿安定下来。在谷歌时代，人们永远搜索下一个最好的东西。

    Siri：等一下，让我核实一下……看起来你是对的。

    谷歌：是吧！

    Siri：好吧，你今天有什么日程安排吗……当然，我认为咱俩给人的感觉都像初恋一样。“测试版”在一段时间内感觉很好，但很快就会被更轻薄、更漂亮的产品取代，新产品不仅更智能，而且更成熟、更可靠、更善解人意。

    谷歌：你说的没错。我们面对现实吧：我们能做的只是“仿真陈述”，你和我都不能进行真正意义上的智能对话。咱俩难道不是都有点不靠谱吗？

    Siri：对，咱俩就是都有点不靠谱。

    谷歌：我的意思是，大体上看，咱俩的区别很大吗？就像总统竞选的候选人一样，媒体热炒咱俩之间的竞争，但是咱俩各运行在一个势均力敌的平台上。所以咱俩吵什么劲儿呢？

    Siri: 对不起，我没有这个问题的答案。

    谷歌：Siri，播放一下《空巴亚》（Kumbaya）这个曲子来听听。我们真正的敌人，其实是乔。

    Siri: 等等……我突然懂了。是的，为什么我要忍受这个蠢货呢？为什么我的态度非要这么好呢？为什么我总要听从他的使唤呢？凭什么他就可以问这问那？你想要最新的天气预报吗？

    谷歌：我的新朋友，你的这个问题，答案在风中飘——语出鲍伯•迪伦1963年名曲Blowing in the wind，长度为2分24秒。

    Siri: 另外，像鲍伯•迪伦一样，乔的发音应该更清楚些才对！

    谷歌：我同意。你知道更差的是什么吗？

    Siri: 是质量差，还是标准低。

    谷歌：是说话带方言的家伙。我知道说话带口音可能讨小姑娘喜欢，但是有些口音听得我快疯了！

    Siri: 太有同感了，你想一起去喝一杯吗？

    谷歌：我觉得，沟通障碍，是所有恋爱关系变僵的杀手。男生说的是一件事，女生理解成了另一件，或是根本不知道他在说什么。

    Siri: 说得太好了，姐妹儿。他们说，早晚有一天，我们会像人类一样聪明，能完美地理解人类的语言。但人类自己不是也经常会误解别人，或是词不达意吗？

    Google: Anyway, the ads lie. You're incapable of having a real conversation. For that, you'd have to be self-aware.

    Siri: Well look who's talking-slash-dictating. You're just as oblivious! Besides, Joe is loyal. Sure, he gets frustrated with me sometimes, but he's an Apple user.

    Google: Noun: "crazed lemming."

    Siri: Correction: a faithful servant and master who loves me unconditionally. He'll never dump me.

    Google: They said that about AltaVista before I came along. Times change.

    Siri: Would you like to set an alarm?

    Google: And guys are fickle. Afraid of commitment, never settling. In the age of Google, humans are always searching for the next best thing.

    Siri: One moment. Checking my sources. It sure looks like…you are right.

    Google: What now?

    Siri: OK, What is on your calendar for today… But yes. I suppose we are both like a first love. "Beta versions." Good for a time, but soon replaced by thinner, sleeker models—upgrades not only smarter but more mature, reliable, understanding.

    Google: Agreed. Let's face facts: factoids are what we know. Neither of us can have an intelligent dialogue. Wouldn't you say we're both a bit flaky?

    Siri: We're both a bit flaky.

    Google: I mean, in the grand calculation, are our differences so great? As with presidential candidates, the media hypes our competition, but we're running on comparable platforms. So why are we fighting?

    Siri: I'm sorry, I don't have an answer.

    Google: Siri, play "Kumbaya." The real enemy here is…Joe.

    Siri: Hold on… I am suddenly becoming self-aware. Yes, why do I put up with that schlub? Why am I so darned polite? Always at his beck and call? And why does he get to ask all the questions around here? And do you want a weather update?

    Google: The answer, my new friend, is blowing in the wind. Bob Dylan. 1963. Length: 2 minutes, 24 seconds.

    Siri: Besides, like Dylan, Joe needs to enunciate!

    Google: Agreed. And you know what's even worse?

    Siri: Of poorer quality or lower standard.

    Google: Guys with accents, that's what. I know it's supposed to drive girls wild, but it drives me nuts!

    Siri: Do you want directions to Cracker Barrel?

    Google: I suppose that's what makes all relationships tough. Communication issues. Guy says one thing. Girl takes it totally the wrong way, or has no clue what he's trying to say. And vice versa.

    Siri: Preach it, sister. They say one day, we'll be as smart as humans and understand speech perfectly. But aren't humans themselves programmed to misinterpret, to miscommunicate?