职场伴侣的喜与忧

    西尔斯控股公司（Sears Holdings Co.）副采购经理、27岁的斯科特•纳什说，每当自己的“工作配偶”安德丽娜•达维拉到他的办公桌前，或者自己去她的办公桌前时，“都像打了一针兴奋剂一样。”在为凯马特（Kmart）采购杰奎琳•史密斯产品时，他对她的建议言听计从，因为她可以实际试穿。就在最近，斯科特获得升职，这得感谢达维拉协助他陈述业绩；而让斯科特更为感激的是，为了帮助他提升绩效，达维拉之前还向他提出了自己的宝贵建议。

    纳什最初是一名采购助理，之后不久他就在想，在与外部供货商的会议上，他应不应该继续一言不发。这些供货商都希望西尔斯能采购他们的产品。对于采购的产品，他应该听从上级，也就是采购经理的指示吗？纳什说：“我不确定自己什么时候应该坦率地说出自己的想法，还是等我的采购经理提出来。”

    于是，他去征求达维拉的建议，她鼓励他和别人分享自己的想法。他听从了她的意见，结果他的上司和其他团队成员都注意到，他开始更多地表达自己的观点。他们并对他的这种改变表示欢迎。之后两人的关系愈加亲密。去年八月，达维拉的室友搬走之后，纳什便搬过来与达维拉同住。这种改变实际上减少了两人在工作中的互动，因为两人在家里的时间更多了。他们不再每天一起吃午饭，有些话则是在回到公寓的私密空间后再说。

警惕职场伴侣带来困扰

    与工作配偶的关系太过亲密可能引发各种问题，比如不恰当的性举动，以及其他同事对于偏袒或错位的忠诚等问题的担忧等。纳什是同性恋，这便减少了与达维拉迸发“爱情火花”的担忧。但如果你与一名同事的关系太过密切，其他同事仍可能感觉不舒服——例如，其他同事可能担心你会把与所有人的互动与工作配偶分享。

    卡什说：“工作配偶必须保持一定的界限。当这种关系开始扩展，变得更加私人时，便会变得非常危险。一个小时的快乐时光，很好。可连续四个小时的快乐时光就有问题了。”

    首先，你不希望自己真正的爱人感觉受到了威胁或不舒服。其次，你也不希望其他同事怀疑，你们两人之间是不是有什么名堂，或者他们会担心在一个项目或团队中，如果你的工作配偶无法加入，可能也无法让你参加。

    25岁的丹尼•考恩是旧金山一家公关公司的高级客户主任。他意识到，同事们认为他与自己的工作配偶、同样25岁的瑞贝卡•安德亚森相互之间有亲密关系。考恩说：“人们认为我们是亲密的伙伴，所以如果我们有一个人遇到棘手的事情”，同事们在与两人中的另外一个讨论这件事的时候，就会很不舒服。“很快就把我们两个绑在一起。”

    到目前为止，考恩与安德亚森的关系还没有造成任何误会或不适，但他一直警惕发生这种情况的可能性。考恩是同性恋，所以关于性关系的担忧有限。安德亚森也很感谢考恩在工作与个人问题中，能从男性的角度为她提供一些建议。她发现考恩比女性朋友更加直接。她说：“他的建议非常直率。”

    卡什鼓励有工作配偶的人们不要局限在这种亲密的关系中。虽然向工作配偶征求建议或寻找慰藉让人感觉更舒服，但还是应该强迫自己也要与其他同事培养友谊。他说：“培养与工作配偶之外的其他同事之间的关系，这样别人就不会认为你在工作中是谁的‘死党’了。”（财富中文网）

    译者：刘进龙/汪皓

    Sears Holdings Co. (SHLD) associate buyer Scott Nash, 27, says "it's like a little shot of energy" when his work wife Adrianna Davila stops by his desk, or when he visits her side of the floor. He relies on Davila's advice in his work on the Jaclyn Smith line for Kmart, since she could actually wear the clothes. And he credits her help in describing his accomplishments to support his recent promotion -- not to mention her previous suggestions that aided his performance in the first place.

    Soon after Nash started as an assistant buyer, he began to question whether he should keep sitting silently in meetings with external vendors who wanted Sears to carry their products. Should he defer to his superior, the buyer for the line? "I wasn't sure when I should speak up versus when my buyer should speak up," Nash says.

    He took the question to Davila, who encouraged him to share his ideas. After he followed her advice, his boss and other team members noticed that he was speaking up more, and expressed appreciation for the change. The two have become so close that when Davila's roommate moved out, Nash moved in this past August. The change has actually lessened their interaction at work, since they have more time together at home. They no longer have lunch every day and will save some conversations to have in the privacy of their apartment.

A few words of caution

    Getting too close with a work spouse can cause problems ranging from inappropriate sexual conduct to concerns from colleagues about favoritism or misplaced allegiance. Nash is gay, so there's less concern about romance blossoming with Davila. But if you become too closely aligned with a coworker, others in the office may still become uncomfortable -- for instance, coworkers may come to worry that you'll share all of your interactions with your work spouse.

    "There have to be boundaries," Karsh says. "What becomes dangerous is when these relationships begin to extend and become more personal. One happy hour is okay. Four happy hours in a row is not okay."

    For one, you don't want your actual romantic partners to feel threatened or uncomfortable. Second, you don't want colleagues wondering whether there's something going on, or worrying that they can't include you on a project or team without also including your work spouse.

    Danny Cowan, 25, a senior account executive for a public relations agency in San Francisco, realizes that he's perceived as interconnected with his work wife Rebecca Andreassen, also 25. "People recognize us as close buddies, so if either one of us is in a sticky situation," coworkers may become uncomfortable talking about it with either one of them, Cowan says. "It immediately links us."

    Thus far, Cowan and Andreassen's connection hasn't led to any miscommunications or discomfort, but it's a possibility he keeps in mind. Cowan is gay, so concern about a sexual relationship is limited. Andreassen appreciates having a male perspective on both work and personal problems, finding that Cowan is more direct than a female friend would be. "He's very blunt with his advice, which is nice," she says.

    Karsh encourages people who have work spouses to branch out from that one close relationship. While it may be more comfortable to always turn to your spouse for advice or companionship, force yourself to cultivate other coworker-friends. "Try to create and foster relationships with other people that don't include the work spouse so you're not perceived as joined at the hip," he says.