亲爱的安妮：有位朋友给我发了一篇你的专栏文章，谈论如何缓和办公室里的政治讨论，我的问题有点不同。我们公司的人不会争论政治问题（我倒希望他们是这样——至少这可能是一场实质性讨论），但他们只是恶言相向，往往还自诩“幽默”。有时候，我感觉这就像一场真人秀，谁说的最出格，谁就能胜出。

    我原先的公司文化正好相反——员工们都竭力与人为善——因此，这里的氛围很是让我震惊。最糟糕的是我好像开始近墨者黑，妻子说我比刚进这家公司时惹人厌了。我试过和老板谈这个问题，但她说我“太敏感”了。你和你的读者们对于如何处理这个问题有何高见？——幸存者

    亲爱的幸存者: 如果这么说能给你一点安慰的话，我可以告诉你，你并不是唯一一个有这种困惑的职场人士。近年来的大量研究显示，粗鲁行为呈现上升之势。传播公司Powell Tate和万博宣伟（Weber Shandwick）的一项研究显示，约40%的美国职场人表示，近几年来粗鲁行为在工作场所有抬头之势，67%的人认为提供正式的常规礼仪培训或许能够有所帮助。

    而且，你的老板在对你的担忧嗤之以鼻前应该三思。《哈佛商业评论》（Harvard Business Review）几个月前发布了一项研究称，普遍存在的粗鲁行为会降低生产率：在工作场所遭遇粗暴相待的员工们有一半会故意降低工作的卖力程度，超过1/3承认工作质量会急剧下降。

    “粗鲁，不尊重他人，长此以往都会损害团队和组织，”多年从事人力资源工作的顾问杰夫•科恩说。他常驻纽约，曾在通用电气（General Electric）、强生（Johnson & Johnson）、摩根大通（J.P. Morgan Chase）等很多大公司通过培训帮助暴躁易怒的高管和涣散失谐的团队。科恩称：“经常面对负面问题和冲突，这样的环境会让人倍感压力。它会毒害（团队和组织），导致缺勤率和人员流失率上升，生产率下降，甚至赤裸裸的破坏行为。”

    为什么职场中的粗鲁行为越来越常见？科恩认为，你把自己现在的工作环境比作真人秀有一定的道理。“整个社会文化中，文明让位于粗鲁很大程度上与我们的行为榜样有关，特别是媒体热点人物，”他说。“卡戴珊姐妹（The Kardashians）、查理•辛、 热门电视节目《舞蹈妈妈》（Dance Moms）和《新娘酷斯拉》（Bridezilla）里的人们言语举止越是出位，就能获得越多关注。因此，粗鲁行为的社会接受度有所上升。友善礼貌不再是期待的行为标准。”

    Dear Annie: A friend of mine sent me your column about toning down political arguments at work, but my problem is a little different. The people I work with don't fight about politics (I wish they would -- at least it might be a substantive discussion.), but they are just rude and obnoxious to each other all the time, often in the guise of "humor." Some days I feel like a contestant on a reality TV show where whoever makes the most outrageous comment wins.

    I came here from a company where the culture was totally different -- amazingly, people there went out of their way to be nice -- so this is a shock. The worst part is, I think it's rubbing off on me, since my wife tells me I am nastier than I was before I started working here. I've tried talking to my boss about it but she says I am "oversensitive." Do you and your readers have any suggestions on how to deal with this? — Survivor

    Dear Survivor: Cold comfort though it may be, you are not the only one wondering. A raft of recent research suggests that rudeness is on the rise. About 40% of employed Americans report that incivility has pervaded their workplaces in the past few years, says one study by communications firms Powell Tate and Weber Shandwick, and 67% think that formal training in common courtesy might help.

    Moreover, your boss should think twice about pooh-poohing your concern. The Harvard Business Review published research a few months ago suggesting that endemic meanness damages productivity: Half of the employees studied who experienced nastiness at work intentionally cut down on the amount of effort they put into their jobs, and over a third admitted that the quality of their work took a nosedive.

    "Rudeness and disrespect undermine teams and organizations over time," notes Jeff Cohen, a longtime human resources consultant based in New York who has coached irascible executives and dysfunctional teams at General Electric (GE), Johnson & Johnson (JNJ), J.P. Morgan Chase (JPM), and many other big companies. "Constantly dealing with negativity and conflict is an extraordinarily stressful situation. It becomes toxic, and it can lead to more absenteeism, higher turnover, less productivity, even outright sabotage."

    Why is rudeness so much more prevalent than it used to be? Cohen believes that your comparison of your office to a reality show is not far off the mark. "A lot of the decline in civility in the culture as a whole has to do with who our role models are, particularly who gets the most media attention," he observes. "The Kardashians, Charlie Sheen, the people on hit shows like 'Dance Moms' and 'Bridezilla' -- the more mean-spirited they are, the more attention they get. So being mean has become much more socially acceptable. Kindness and courtesy are no longer the expected norm."