The reason for that, she notes, is that they're afraid the answer will be "more money" or "a promotion." Let's say someone does reply with one of those. "You can say, 'I wish I could do that, but right now, I can't. Let's talk about what else you might want that I can give you,'" Kaye says. "If you keep probing, you will probably get at least three or four answers -- flexibility, recognition, the chance to do more of what they really love doing -- that you can deliver."

    In some respects, these conversations resemble a job interview, she notes. "Curiosity about each person can uncover valuable information. Ask, 'When was the last time you really loved working here? Why?' Or, 'What is one skill you have that we're not making use of now?,'" Kaye suggests. "You'll get some surprises and, even if you can't act on the answers right away, you can keep them in mind for when the opportunity arises."

3. Recognize that one size does not fit all.

    "Never before have we had to treat valued employees so much as individuals," Kaye says. "A big copout managers often use is, 'If I do this for one person -- letting someone telecommute a couple of days a week, for example -- I have to do it for everyone.' No, you don't. If someone has earned a break of some kind, he or she should get it, regardless of whether anyone else does."

    This approach requires managers to grow a backbone. "If you reward one of your stars with a special privilege, and someone less stellar says, 'I want that too,' you have to be honest with that person, even if it means frankly telling them, 'So-and-So got that because he or she earned it. When I see the same performance from you, we'll talk again,'" says Kaye. "That's a tough conversation to have, so most managers just avoid it and say 'no' to everyone. That's one of the biggest reasons why stars leave."

    Kaye pooh-poohs the excuse she often hears from bosses who say there are company rules, written or unwritten, that dictate treating everyone exactly the same. "One question we often ask is, 'Would you rather keep the rulebook or the people?,'" she says. "Sticking to a rigid policy of rewarding everyone equally, just because it's easier or seems safer, is guaranteed to make your best employees look elsewhere."

    Talkback:Last time you quit a job, what made you do it? Would a bigger paycheck have enticed you to stay, or did other issues matter more? Leave a comment below.