亲爱的安妮：提出这个问题，让我感到难堪，但我就是那1/4中的一员，希望你（或你的读者）能给我一些帮助。几周前，我的老板给我做了年终考评，那简直是一场灾难。他解释说，虽然我的工作“很出色“，没有给我一直期待的升职是因为我“太情绪化”，不能胜任更高一级的管理工作。他特别提到，有一、两次我在极度压力之下，曾经当众放声大哭。

    更糟糕的是，当他向我宣布不能升职这一出乎我意料的决定时，我的泪水又一次夺眶而出。我是我们公司目前唯一的一位女性部门主管。我讨厌人们总是强化女性“柔弱”、“情绪化”的僵化认知，特别是我根本就不柔弱。但我在极度压力之下总是会哭。我就是止不住泪水。有什么方法补救吗？——水弹

    亲爱的水弹：这个世界上有很多像你这样的人，知道这一点或许能让你感觉好一点。安妮•克里默在撰写她的新书《职场情绪管理》（It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace）时，曾与广告公司智威汤逊（JWT）合作，就“情绪在职场中的作用”对商业人士进行了广泛调查。 调查有很多有意思的发现，包括：约25%的职场人对极度压力的反应是哭泣。女性中这一比例更是高达41%。

    “这不是说男性不会在压力下哭。当然他们也哭，”曾担任Nickolodeon执行副总裁兼全球创意总监的克里默说。 “但（男性和女性的）身体反应有差异。男性可能会有眼泪涌上来，但他们可以通过眨眼来抑制泪水。女性的泪管相对较细，泪水更可能溢出流到脸颊上，”结果，大家都能看到她在流泪。

    好哭不一定会终结一个人的职业生涯。不信？用谷歌（Google）搜索一下“约翰•博纳哭”。无论你怎么看待（美国众议院议长）博纳的政治主张，他在这一领域都算得上相当成功。

    虽然在很多工作场合喜怒形于色仍然被视为禁忌，你对这一点肯定很清楚，但克里默的研究令她相信这一点可能正在缓慢地发生变化，原因有三。第一，近些年来情绪作为一项科学探索领域，已获得更多尊重。“它真的很新，”克里默说。“如今我们从神经和生化角度理解情绪反应，以及它们对包括决策在内的生活各个方面造成的影响。”因此，她说：“把情绪留在家中，在工作中保持完全理性，这样的旧模式显然不现实。”

    从另一个原因来看，这样做也是不现实的。“我们在文化层面上已经发生了改变，”克里默指出。“我们现在拥有每天24小时、每周7天的不间断科技服务，时时刻刻收到来自各方的信息。因此，工作和家庭更加不可分割地交织在一起。”在工作和家庭这两个场合不断切换时，关闭或抑制个人情绪对于很多人来说还是一项有待掌握的技能。

    Dear Annie: I am really embarrassed to even be asking this question, but I am in a quandary here and am hoping you (or your readers) can help. A couple of weeks ago, my boss gave me my year-end evaluation and it was a disaster. He explained that, while my work is "fantastic," I'm not getting a promotion I had been counting on because I am "too emotional" to move up to the next level of management. He was referring specifically to a couple of times when I was under extreme pressure and burst into tears with other people watching.

    Making matters worse, when he dropped this bombshell about the promotion on me, I teared up again. Right now, I'm the only female department head at my company, and I really hate reinforcing the old stereotypes about women being "weak" and "emotional," especially since I am not weak at all. But I have cried in stressful situations all my life. I can't seem to help it. Is there any way to fix this? —Waterworks

    Dear W.: It might help a little to know that you've got plenty of company. In researching her new book, It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace, Anne Kreamer teamed up with ad agency JWT to survey a wide range of businesspeople (of both genders) about the role of emotion where they work. Among the many interesting findings: About 25% of the working population overall is made up of people who respond to extreme stress by crying. Among women, it's 41%.

    "That's not to say that men don't cry under pressure. Of course they do," says Kreamer, who is a former executive vice president and worldwide creative director at Nickolodeon. "But there are physical differences. A man may start to tear up and then blink back his tears. Women have smaller tear ducts, so the tears are more likely to spill out onto their cheeks," where everyone can see them.

    Nor is puddling up now and then necessarily a career killer. Don't believe it? Google "John Boehner crying." Nonetheless, and whatever you may think of Boehner's politics, he's certainly a success in his field.

    Although showing emotion still carries a stigma in many workplaces, as you know only too well, Kreamer's research led her to believe that may be slowly changing, for three reasons. First, emotions have gained respect in just the past few years as an area of scientific inquiry. "This is really new," notes Kreamer. "We now understand the neurological and biochemical aspects of emotional responses, and how they affect every area of life, including decision-making." As a result, she says, "the old model of leaving your emotions at home and being totally logical at work is clearly just unrealistic."

    It's unrealistic for another reason, too. "Culturally, we've changed," Kreamer points out. "With the 24/7 technology we have now, we have stuff coming at us from all directions all the time, so that work and home are inextricably intertwined." Turning off or tamping down our emotions when switching our attention back and forth between the two realms is a skill that many have yet to master.