亲爱的安妮：昨晚我不得不加班到晚上九点半完成一个项目，还因此错过了女儿的钢琴独奏会。原因是团队的一位成员屡教不改，再一次没有做好自己那部分工作，下午5点就大摇大摆走了。（项目的截止期限是今天早上，“我们”完成了，他啥活也没干。）团队里的其他人也多次遇到过此人干活偷懒，因此不光是我一个人。但我越来越感觉自己像个傻子。

    迄今为止，他从来没有因为偷懒遇到过什么麻烦，因为他在办公室里非常讨人喜欢，每个人都避而不谈他偷懒的事情。但我真地认为，是时候采取点行动了。我应当告诉老板实情吗？你怎么想？——西雅图烦心

    亲爱的烦心：这个人已经千百次地将自己的工作压在你身上，你到现在才感到愤怒？你和其他承受超额工作量的团队成员都太有耐心了。但生闷气可能只会让情况更糟。“别人偷懒的时候不吭声，等于是默许继续这样做，”培训和发展公司VitalSmarts的共同创始人、《必要的冲突》（Crucial Confrontations）一书的共同作者凯瑞•帕特森表示。

    是的，你的两难处境并不少见。帕特森说：“过去30年来我们在一些调查中发现，‘有人偷懒不干活’一直是人们抱怨最多的问题之一。”比如，本月早些时候对约550位全职就业者进行的一次网络调查显示，约93%的人表示，他们的身边至少有一位同事没有做好分内的工作。

    但只有约10%的人遇到有同事考核不达标。“大多数人担心，如果他们说什么的话，可能会发生不愉快。他们希望避免冲突和不快，或者甚至是报复，”帕特森表示。“更简单的做法是咬咬牙，多做点”——直到忍无可忍才开始想辙。

    他补充说：“通常人们会等到实在无法忍受才会爆发。问题是这这座往往无济于事，甚至可能起到反作用。即便你100%是对的，大发脾气只会让你看上去缺乏职业素养和自我控制力。”谁想这样呢？

    因此，你应该采取什么行动才能真的有所帮助呢？首先，不要把偷懒的人直接丢给老板，至少现在还不是时候。“如果你不是先和这个人谈谈，就直接就跑到老板那里，你们就算不上一个真正的团队，”帕特森说。不妨私下约谈这位出格的团队成员(也许只是午餐时谈谈，因为他是这样一个有趣的人)，而且在和他会面前，先把自己的情绪平复下来。

    “你的态度和用词非常重要。不要被愤怒冲昏了头脑，完全失去了判断力，要知道你是要告诉他一点自己的想法，”帕特森说。“注意聆听。听听他是怎么看待这种情形的。”用事实说话。比如，“上周，我的理解是你做X，我做Y，但结果都是我做了。这是怎么回事？你对这个项目的理解，和我一样吗？你怎么看自己在这里面的角色？”

    Dear Annie: Last night, for the zillionth time, I had to stay until 9:30 p.m. -- missing my daughter's piano recital -- to finish a project because another member of my team went waltzing out the door at 5 p.m. without completing his share of the work. (The deadline was this morning, and "we" made it, no thanks to him.) Other people on our team have also picked up the slack for this person on many occasions, so it's not just me, but I'm really starting to feel like a chump.

    So far, he's gotten away with slacking off because he's very likable and fun to have around, and everybody has tiptoed around the fact that he's not doing his job, but I really think it's time to do something about this. Should I tell our boss what's been going on? What do you think? —Steamed in Seattle

    Dear Steamed: This person has saddled you with his work a zillion times, and you're just getting mad now? You and your overburdened teammates are remarkably patient. But seething silently is probably just making things worse. "By not speaking up when someone isn't pulling his or her weight, you're tacitly giving that person permission to keep on with the behavior," notes Kerry Patterson, co-founder of training and development firm VitalSmarts and co-author of a book called Crucial Confrontations.

    Alas, your dilemma is far from unique. "When we've done surveys over the past 30 years, one of the top complaints that always comes up is 'carrying dead wood,'" Patterson says. In an online poll of about 550 full-time employees earlier this month, for instance, 93% said they work with at least one person who isn't doing his or her fair share.

    Still, only one in 10 has confronted an under-performing coworker. "Most people worry that bad things will happen if they say something. They want to avoid conflict and unpleasantness, or even retaliation," says Patterson. "It's easier to just grit their teeth and do the extra work" -- up to a point, anyway, and then look out.

    "What usually happens," he adds, "is that people wait until they are really fed up, and then they blow their stack. The trouble is, that doesn't usually do any good and, what's worse, it can backfire on you. Even if you're completely in the right, losing your temper makes you look unprofessional and out of control." And who needs that?

    So what should you do that might actually help? First, don't rat out the slacker to your boss, at least not yet. "You'll never be a real team if you go running to the boss without talking to each other first," Patterson says. Instead, make an appointment to speak with your errant teammate in private (maybe even over lunch, since he's such a fun guy) and, before you meet with him, calm yourself down.

    "It's all in your attitude and the language you use. Don't go in all angry and full of judgment, with the idea that you're going to give him a piece of your mind," says Patterson. "Instead, be curious. Find out how he sees the situation." And stick with the facts. Say something like, "Last week, my understanding was that you'd be doing X and I would cover Y, but I ended up doing both. What was up with that? Did you understand this project the same way I did? How did you see your part in it?"