亲爱的安妮：您网站上的一篇名为《Y一代女性正在缩小收入差距》的文章，引起了我的共鸣。我是一名26岁的女性电子商务经理，我的收入比我在自由市场的价值低了约20%——至少，根据我做的所有调查（以及我交流过的两名招聘人员）来看是这样。事情是这样的，2009年的时候，我只有一年的工作经验，而且在经济危机最为严重的时期，我认为能有份工作就很幸运了，所以我以很低的薪水接受了现在的这份工作。

    之后，我大幅扩展了公司业务，招聘和培训了许多真正的明星员工，还在其他方面为公司做出了重要的贡献。然而，虽然如此，我却只能与其他所有人一样，每年获得标准的2.5%的加薪。我喜欢在这里工作，并不想离开，但我对谈判技巧不够精通，而且公司预算也非常紧张。我该如何对我的老板说呢？或者我是否应该打消这个念头？您有什么建议？——J.J.

    亲爱的J.J.：你并不是唯一一位“不太擅长”谈判的人。薪酬调查网站Salary.com最近的一份调查显示，不论身处何种职位，都有36%的男性表示，只要他们认为自己应该得到加薪，他们“经常”会提出要求——而女性则仅有26%，但这根本算不上大多数。

    此外，据科技求职网站Dice.com的一份最新报告显示，科技行业从业者（包括电子商务经理）如果接受招聘经理一开始提出的薪酬，他们每年似乎要少赚4，300美元。美国科技行业从业者的平均工资为85,619美元，而接受调查的838名招聘经理表示，如果员工敢于提出要求，大多数员工都能获得至少5%（4,300美元）的加薪。只有18%接受调查的招聘经理表示，他们当初提出的薪酬是不可更改的。

    Dice.com高级副总裁汤姆•席尔瓦认为：“对于缺乏讨价还价的尝试，唯一的解释是担忧。”他建议，人们应该平心静气，牢记“谈判只是一次讨论，目的是达成双方都能认可的协议。”

    的确如此，因为根据你的描述，听起来你应该是公司希望留住的人才。“但态度是关键，”斯图尔特•戴蒙德说。戴蒙德为沃顿学院（Wharton School）教授谈判技巧，还曾写过一本书，名为《获取更多：工作和生活中的谈判艺术》（Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life.）。抱着受害方的身心态，始终带着负面的情绪进行谈判，根本于事无补。你必须要积极向上。

    “你还必须学会‘配合’，”他补充道。“在谈话的某个时刻，准备好承认预算非常紧张。比如，你可以说：‘我知道，现在许多人要求加薪，您肯定非常难办。’你肯定不想让老板感觉不舒服。”一点点同情可以带来很大帮助。

    下面是戴蒙德建议的四种策略：

    1. 提出正确的问题。戴蒙德说：“首先，要求老板告诉你她对你工作的看法。然后问她是否认为你值得增加报酬。向她解释，你知道自己的工资低于市场平均水平，但你的工资是否也低于公司内部同级别的其他人？”

    Dear Annie: The article that appeared on your site about Gen Y women closing the pay gap resonated with me, because I am a 26-year-old female e-commerce manager making about 20% less than I'm worth on the open market -- at least, according to all the research I've done (and two recruiters I've spoken with). What happened was, I accepted this job at a low salary in 2009 because I had only about a year of experience at that point and because, in the worst of the recession, I felt lucky to be working at all.

    Since then, I've expanded our business significantly, hired and trained some real stars, and made other important contributions, but I've still gotten just the standard 2.5% annual raise everybody here gets, and I think I deserve more. I love working here and would rather not leave, but my negotiation skills are not so great, and budgets are still tight. Can you recommend any specific things to say to my boss, or not say? -- Just Jill

    Dear J.J.: You're not the only one who's "not great" at negotiating. Regardless of their position, 36% of men say they "always" ask for more money when they feel they've earned it, says a recent poll by Salary.com -- which is more than the 26% of women who say they do, but still hardly a majority.

    Moreover, it seems that tech professionals (including e-commerce managers) leave $4,300 or more per year on the table by accepting the first offer a hiring manager makes, according to a new report from tech job site Dice.com. National average pay for techies is $85,619, and, says this poll of 838 hiring managers, most candidates would get at least 5% ($4,300) more if they just asked for it. Only 18% of the managers surveyed said their initial offer is set in stone.

    "The only explanation for the lack of haggling is fear," observes Tom Silver, a Dice.com senior vice president. He suggests that people calm their nerves by keeping in mind that "a negotiation is simply a discussion aimed at reaching an agreement, which both sides want."

    That's especially true since, from your description, you sound like someone your company would prefer to keep around. "But attitude is key," says Stuart Diamond, who teaches a popular course on negotiating at The Wharton School and wrote a book called Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life. "Going in as the injured party and being negative will not work. You have to be positive and upbeat."

    You also have to be "collaborative," he adds. "Be ready to acknowledge, at some point in the conversation, that budgets are tight. Say something like, 'I know it must be tough for you with so many people wanting more money.' The last thing you want is to make your boss uncomfortable." A little empathy can go a long way.

    Then, Diamond recommends these four tactics:

    1. Ask the right questions. "First, ask your boss to tell you her perception of your work," Diamond says. "Then ask whether she thinks you're worth more than you're making.

    Explain that you know you're underpaid relative to the market outside the company, but are you also making less than other people of similar rank inside the company?"