亲爱的安妮：如果你的上司总是指责你的言行，你会如何应对？八个月前，我被这家公司录用，当时我非常兴奋（我一直希望在这里工作），然而，梦想的工作如今却变成了噩梦。原因就是我的上司，他对我做的任何事都不满意。最初，我以为是我的原因，所以我加倍努力来取悦他。可过了一段时间，我才意识到，即使我完全按照他的要求完成任务，他也会毫不留情地批评指责，让我感觉自己就像个傻瓜一样。

    很明显，我并不是第一个被他这样对待的人。一位同事告诉我说，我是过去六年里第九个从事这份工作的人，之前的所有人都是主动辞职。我并不想辞职，但他给我造成了太大的压力，让我晚上睡不好觉，第二天上班的时候也是胆战心惊。请帮帮我！——绝望的达拉斯人

    亲爱的绝望者：唉！首先，接受现实吧，你的上司不会有任何改变。蒙莫斯大学（Monmouth University）咨询心理学教授艾伦•卡瓦伊奥拉认为：“具有‘控制型完美主义’性格的人不可能对任何事情满意。所以，别傻了，不要以为自己只要足够努力，就能得到他的认可。”卡瓦伊奥拉曾与人合作出版过一本与此相关的书，名为《无法取悦：如何应对完美主义的同事、具有控制欲的配偶和其他吹毛求疵的人》无论如何，你的上司可能是一位非常不快乐的人。“控制型完美主义者源自他们内心的自卑，”卡瓦伊奥拉说。他将这种性格与斯德哥尔摩综合症进行了对比，“他们的世界观，会受到儿童时期经常批评他们的人的影响，通常是在心理上有虐待倾向的家长。”

    他补充道：“这些人非常痛苦，而痛苦需要有人分担。”但这并不意味着你要被上司折磨，变得跟他一样不快乐。卡瓦伊奥拉推荐了五种应对策略：

    1. 不要把他经常性的吹毛求疵放在心上。当然，说起来容易做起来难。但你要记住，之前已经有八个人辞职了，所以，很明显问题并不在你身上。如果你能够保持一定的情感距离，你所承受的压力也会大大减少。经常提醒自己，这就是他的做事方式。不要被他的愤怒同化（更不要像你说的那样，“感觉自己是个傻瓜”），而是要努力避开他的愤怒情绪。

    Dear Annie: How do you handle working for someone who constantly rips apart everything you do or say? I was really excited to get hired eight months ago at this company (I've always wanted to work here), but my dream job has turned into a nightmare. The reason is my boss, who is never satisfied with anything. At first, I thought it was just me, so I tried harder and harder to please him. But after a while I realized that, when I do a task exactly as he requested it, he still tears it to shreds and leaves me feeling like an idiot.

    I'm apparently not the first person to get this treatment from him. A colleague told me I am the ninth person to hold this job in the past six years, because my predecessors all quit. I'd rather not do that, but he's stressing me out so badly that I can't sleep and dread coming to the office in the morning. Help! — Desperate in Dallas

    Dear Desperate: Yikes. First of all, accept the fact that this boss is not going to change. "People with a personality type we call 'controlling perfectionist' are impossible to please, so don't be fooled into thinking that, if you just try hard enough, you'll win his approval," says Alan Cavaiola, a professor of counseling psychology at Monmouth University who co-wrote a whole book about this, called Impossible to Please: How to Deal With Perfectionist Coworkers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People.（Impossible to Please: How to Deal With Perfectionist Coworkers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People）For what it's worth, your boss is probably a very unhappy guy. "Controlling perfectionists grew up feeling inferior themselves," Cavaiola says and, in a variation of the Stockholm Syndrome, "they adopt the worldview of whoever criticized them incessantly as children, usually a psychologically abusive parent.

    "These are people who are miserable," he adds. "And misery loves company." That doesn't mean, however, that you have to let this boss make you as unhappy as he is. Cavaiola recommends five strategies for coping:

    1. Don't take his constant carping personally. Easier said than done, of course, but bear in mind that eight people before you quit this job, so clearly the problem is not you. You'll be much less stressed if you can keep some emotional distance. Practice reminding yourself that this is just the way he is. Rather than absorbing his wrath (and feeling "like an idiot," as you say), try to let it bounce off you.