如何摆脱办公室政治

    4. 首先去理解，然后再寻求对方的理解。这是史蒂芬•科维在风靡全球的《高效人士的七个习惯》（Seven Habits of Highly Effective People）一书中提到的一条。我们都希望别人理解我们，我们的目的，我们的想法，我们的需求等等。但如果我们只专注于使自己的需求得到理解、接受、认可，肯定会引发冲突。作为成年人，我们都有能力将自己的需求得到理解这件事“暂停”，延迟自我满足，为其他人创造一个表达的空间。大多数人并没有做到真正去倾听。他们只是在假装倾听，直到他们有机会表达出自己的观点。这种情况导致的结果往往是冲突愈演愈烈。所以，如果我们过于自私，过于以自我为中心，我们很有可能将大部分时间浪费在冲突以及随之而来的痛苦当中。不要等着其他人去听你说，你应该主动去听听别人想说什么。当然，说起来容易做起来难。

    5. 始终坚持合作的道路。如果你专注于让自己成为“赢家”，合作关系就会成为牺牲品。公司会遭遇困难，而你也难逃其咎。让自己成为短期的“赢家”，而其他人却处在水深火热当中，这并不是真正的胜利。只要你能重新回归本心，而不再只听从大脑的指挥（评判、评价、故事、批评、攻击等），你就已经是赢家。作为人类，我们的自然条件是对他人具有同理心。如果我们沉湎于自己的判断，我们可能会感觉自己是“正确的”，而其他人是“错误的”。现实情况是，我们都是有着良好意愿的人类，这些意愿源自我们的内在需求。真正的赢家会坚持本心，专注于“我们作为合作伙伴，如何解决问题，让我们都成为赢家？”这条路并不轻松。但这是唯一一条用心灵去行走的道路，能够让我们超越狭隘的自我。这条路可以让我们关心他人，实现和谐共处，精诚合作。

    最后的建议。数千年来，关于“对与错”和“好与坏”的争论从未停止。我们都陷入到一场评判的战争当中。过去8000年来，人类为此经历了无休止的暴力、痛苦和灾难。难道这些还不够吗？你还没有对这样的争斗感到厌倦？你是否愿意专注于真正的问题，专注于共同创造一个世界，帮助彼此满足内心的需求？如果你愿意这样做，你一定能够摆脱无休止的冲突，挖掘出人类的真正潜力。我希望你能够成功。这个星球的未来取决于你的努力。（财富中文网）

    注：本文基于我的导师马歇尔•罗森博格开创的“非暴力沟通”原则。在YouTube和亚马逊网上可以找到他的作品。

    译者：刘进龙/汪皓

    审校：任文科

    4. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.This is one of the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” in the world-famous book by Steven Covey. We all want others to understand us, our intentions, our ideas, our needs. And, if we only focus attention on our own need to be understood, accepted, approved, etc., then we are going to end up in conflict. As adults, we have the ability to put our own need to be understood “on hold”…to delay gratification, and create a space for the other person to express themselves. Most people don’t truly listen. They simply pretend to listen until they can have a chance to speak their own point of view. The result is usually that the conflict grows in intensity. So, if we are selfish, self-centered, the chances are good that we will spend a good deal of our time in conflict and the suffering that goes with it. Instead of waiting for the other person to listen to you, take the initiative and truly listen to them. Of course it is easier said than done.

    5. Stay Committed to the Partnership.Every time you focus on “winning” for your point of you, a partnership is going to be sacrificed. The business is going to suffer and so are you. A short term ‘win’ that leaves another person bleeding in the water, is not a real win. If you can reconnect to your Heart, and stop living from your Head (judgments, evaluation, stories, criticisms, attacks) you are already a winner. Our natural condition as humans is to have empathy for others. When we indulge in our judgments we may feel we are “right” and the other person is “wrong.” The reality is we are all people with good intentions that come from deep human needs. The real winners are the ones who stay connected to their hearts and focus on “how can we work this out, as partners, so that we can all win?” It is not an easy path. And, it is the only path with Heart that can lead us beyond living from sheer ego. It is the path that keeps us connected to our caring for other people and the possibilities of truly working together in harmony.

    Final Words.For thousands of years we have been engaged in the process of waging the battle of “right or wrong” and “good or bad.” We have sunk into a battle of judgments. And, for the last 8000 years, the result has been non-stop violence, pain and suffering. Have you had enough? Are you tired of all the battles? Would you like to focus again on the real issues, the possibility of creating a world where we can all help each other get our deeper needs met? If so, you are on a path that leads away from incessant conflict and towards the real potential of the human race. I wish you well and I wish you success. Our future on this planet depends on your contribution.

    Note.This article is grounded in the principles of Non-Violent Communication as created by my mentor Marshall Rosenberg. You can find his work on YouTube and Amazon.com