要不要“贿赂”你的孩子？

    好了，老实交代。你是否曾贿赂过自己的孩子？你是否会给他们发钱（或类似奖励），让他们保持良好的行为？获得好成绩？或在吃饭的时放下手机？别惹你生气？

    我承认，我做过这种事，虽然结果并不理想。（我提出付钱让孩子去健身房，最初这种做法受到欢迎，但后来惨遭抛弃，因为孩子爱上了其他不需要流汗的活动。）而据最近的T. Rowe Price基金母婴调查显示，约有一半的父母曾经做过类似的事情。超过三分之二的父母对数据采集员表示，他们非常或者极其关心给孩子树立一个良好的财务榜样。而贿赂似乎在可接受的范围之内。

    这让我想到了三个问题：首先，贿赂是否为一种诚实的行为？多年前，我经常听心理学家乔伊•布朗博士的广播节目。她非常赞成通过贿赂获得想要的结果。但延伸到孩子和金钱时这种观点还成立吗？第二，贿赂（有巨大的负面意义）和激励（不存在负面意义）之间有什么区别？第三，如果你认为贿赂没问题，应该如何实施才能得到你想要的结果？答案依次如下。

    贿赂可行吗？既可行也不可行。耶鲁大学（Yale University）经济学教授、Stickk.com的创始人迪恩•卡兰认为，如果家长的目的是解决短期问题，比如让孩子尝试一种新食物，或让孩子屈服，观看家里其他人希望看的电影等，贿赂会非常有效。你划下道来，孩子成功触线，你就掏钱。（例如，为了让孩子坐下来写一篇用于大学网申的论文，我的一位朋友绞尽脑汁。于是，她提供了贿赂，甚至让孩子自己提出金额。在付出五十美元和两个半小时后，她的孩子写出了一篇“漂亮的文章”。之所以说这是一个很好的例子，因为这种任务仅此一次。）

    T. Rowe Price基金的认证理财规划师斯图尔特•里特表示：“问题在于，一旦你开了价，未来如果没有同样的甚至更多的钱，你可能无法说服孩子做任何事情。例如，如果做X能让孩子得到Y，家长其实是建立一个体系。”这意味着，如果下一次你不掏钱，便很难得到想要的结果。

    贿赂与激励之间有什么区别？两者均属于谈判的方式。你付出一点东西来获得自己想要的，孩子同样如此。两者的区别在于，贿赂通常发生在危机关头。不论是何缘故，你觉得孩子的行为必须立即改变，于是你报出一个自己没有多做考虑的价格。而激励则更有计划性。（事后想想，我付钱让孩子去健身房的做法，更像是激励，而不是贿赂。）你已经仔细考虑过用哪种“胡萝卜”可能让孩子按照你想要的方式改变行为，做好准备出价来刺激孩子做出改变。

    理财知识专家、儿童理财网站Money Savvy Generation的创始人苏珊•比切姆解释道：“许多父母之所以使用贿赂，并非因为我们自信这是最好的教育工具，而是因为我们厌烦了。”（没错。听起来很合理。）“我们不堪重负，但我们又希望孩子能做到最好，我们不知道如何有效地利用自己的言语，让孩子理解我们的意图。所以，我们会想：‘好吧，管不了那么多了，眼下最紧急的是让孩子完成任务，未来，他们会明白的。’但可惜的是，靠贿赂完成任务的孩子，关心的是贿赂，而不是任务。所以，贿赂是无用的。”

    那么，家长在使用贿赂和激励时如何更有效果？首先，比切姆表示，停下来想一想自己为什么要这么做——然后将理由告诉孩子。假如孩子在暑假必须读20本书。你希望他们完成目标，并且愿意通过贿赂/激励让他们来完成目标。但你真正希望的，是他们开始享受阅读。只要这样向孩子解释便没有问题。家长可以提出一些让阅读更有趣的方式。（在海滩上阅读很有趣；在预定的熄灯时间之后拿出半个小时阅读也很有趣。）

    卡兰建议，奖励孩子付出的努力而不是取得的成果（例如，奖励孩子阅读了30分钟，而不是读完一本书。）通过这样做，阅读速度慢的孩子就不会变得沮丧并放弃阅读，因为他们有同样的机会获得奖励。而且，家长要明确告诉孩子，奖励是仅限一段时间的。否则，你会遭受没钱孩子们就不想读书（或做某事）的风险。T Rowe的里特表示：“孩子的理解力很强。他们知道现在是什么情况。”（财富中文网）

    译者：刘进龙/汪皓

    Okay, be honest: Do you bribe your kids? Do you offer them cash (or similar rewards) for good behavior? For grades? For abandoning the cell phone at the dinner table? For keeping the cursing at bay?

    I'll confess. I've done it, albeit with so-so results. (My offer to pay to go to the gym was initially welcomed then discarded in favor of other, non-sweat-producing activities.) And so have half of all parents, according to the most recent T. Rowe Price Kids and Money Survey. More than two-thirds of parents told the data collectors they're very or extremely concerned about setting a good financial example for their kids. Yet, bribery seems to fall within the acceptable boundaries.

    That raised three questions for me: First, is bribery on the up-and-up? Years back I listened regularly to a radio psychologist named Dr. Joy Browne. She was hugely in favor of bribery to get the desired results. But does that opinion extend to kids and money? Second, what's the difference between a bribe (which has huge negative connotations) and an incentive (which doesn't)? And third, if you decide a bribe is okay after all, how do you structure it to produce the outcome you're looking for? Here are the answers, one by one.

    Is bribery okay? Yes and no. If what you're looking for is a short-term fix -- getting your kid to try a new food, for example, or to capitulate and see the movie that the rest of the family wants to see -- a bribe can actually be fairly effective, says Dean Karlan, economics professor at Yale University and the founder of Stickk.com. You draw the line. The child toes it. You pay up. (As an example: A friend of mine was having trouble getting her child to sit down to write her essay for the common app. She offered a bribe -- even let the child name the amount. Fifty dollars and two-and-a-half hours later, the child emerged with a "beautiful essay." The reason this is such a good example is because it was a task that would never have to be completed again.)

    "The problem is that once that line is drawn you may have trouble getting your kid anywhere near it without a similar -- or larger -- payment in the future. "Understand, if doing X gets your kids Y, you're setting up a structure where that takes place," says Stuart Ritter, a certified financial planner with T. Rowe Price. That means it can be tough to produce the desired behavior without paying for it next time.

    What's the difference between a bribe and an incentive? Both are forms of negotiation. You give a little to get what you want, the child gives a little to do the same. The difference is that bribery usually happens in the crunch. For whatever reason, you feel your child's behavior must change immediately so you make an offer that you hadn't planned on making. Incentives are a little more planned. (In hindsight, my gym offer was more incentive than bribe.) You've thought about what sort of carrot might bring about the sort of behavioral change you're after, and you're prepared to make an offer to spur the change.

    Financial literacy expert Susan Beacham, founder of Money Savvy Generation, explains: "A lot of parents use a bribe not because we're confident it's the best parenting tool, but because we're tired." (Yep. That sounds about right.) "We're overwhelmed and we want our child to do what's best, and we can't figure out how to use our words effectively enough to get them to understand it. So we think to ourselves, 'Okay, the shortest distance between two points is to get them to just accomplish a task and over time, they'll get it.' Unfortunately, a child who is given a bribe to do something is focused on the bribe, not the task. So it doesn't work."

    So how do you use both bribes and incentives more effectively? First, says Beacham, stop and think about why you're doing this -- and communicate that to your child. Say your child has to read 20 books over the summer. You want them to accomplish their goal (and are willing to bribe/incentivize) them to do that. But what you really want is for them to start to enjoy reading. It's okay to explain that. And to offer ways to make the task more fun. (Reading on the beach is fun; so is a half-hour of reading time after what's supposed to be lights-out.)

    Karlan suggests rewarding effort rather than outcomes (i.e. 30 minutes of reading rather than completing a book). That way a slow reader is not likely to get frustrated and give up because he or she has the same shot at the reward. And make it clear that this is a limited-time offer. Otherwise, you risk them not wanting to read (or whatever) without being paid for it. "Kids are pretty perceptive," says T. Rowe's Ritter. "They're aware of what's going on."