7个反传统、却又最真诚有效的投资理念

你也许就是那种可以让钱为你打工的幸运儿。可惜我不是，我的钱似乎总是很懒，“钱生钱”这种事从来没有在我这实现过，我只能打工赚钱。

我不会像美国那些娱乐界名媛家族的千金小姐们那样，在聚会上露个面就有人付钱；或是坐在地下室给什么人指点指点最近的风向，不管说得对不对先把一沓钱收入囊中；也没人在我探寻全球货币流向的细微变动之时，给我斟上一杯23年派比•范•温克波本酒。

那些都不是我。看起来，我的命就是天亮起床、刮脸、穿上制服后出门在矿山里劳作，等到收工哨声响起，我再拖着疲惫的身躯回到简陋的床铺上蜗居几个小时。第二天一大早，就再重复前一天的事情。

我这么做不是因为我喜欢，只是因为这样做有钱赚。估计，这就是人们称之为“工作”的工作吧。我其实并不怎么在意什么是工作，但是说实话，我确实很珍惜挖矿多年攒下的每一分钱。不管是什么原因造成了损失，我都会心痛不已。

这股“怕损失”的巨大冲动，就是贯穿我所有投资策略的最大动力。除此之外，我还相信，市场就是个非理性的怪物，任何时候都是由人类的贪婪和恐惧驱动的。

以下是我这些年来一直奉行的投资守则：

1、不要亏钱

我上面已经说过了，真正能保本的投资对象通常指的是债券。虽然券面价值时涨时跌，但最后总可以收回本金，而这对我来说至关重要。

2、不要投资作恶的公司

有些公司行事卑鄙下流至极，造成巨大的负面影响。我不想从他们身上赚钱，更不想因他们赔钱。

3、投资你日常使用的东西

对我来说，这是指无糖汽水、干酪汉堡和医疗卫生，以及苹果和谷歌。这样一想，独角兽灭绝或许是有合理性的。

4、不要分散投资

每一个所谓的投资专业人士都说要将投资分散在各个行业。你知道我身边有多少人因为这个糟糕的建议损失惨重吗？简直是一派胡言！市场崩溃时，谁的损失最惨重？就是那些听信白痴说要分散投资的白痴，就是他们。注意！我们在说什么？哦，对了...

5、永远不要相信市场是理性的

市场不是理性的。市场是愚蠢的，原因多种多样。恐惧会让你变蠢。贪婪会让你变蠢。最重要的是，期待会让你变蠢。

6、想赌博就去维加斯

你去过吗？不妨找个时间去一趟。亲身站在赌场里，再仔细想想赌博和投资游戏有何区别。来，告诉我。

7、珍惜你的钱袋

你会为了一只更好的狗而赌上自己的狗吗？你会在扑克牌桌上拿自己的孩子当作赌注吗？当然不会。那为什么要为一些不切实际的胡话押上可爱的、美妙的、来之不易的钞票呢？

总之，最好的投资能带来的最大回报就是安心。所以，我打算投资全世界最好的床垫。好床垫能让我睡好觉，而且我能十分确信自己是躺在辛苦赚来的劳动果实上。

说起来，我似乎真的找到了一款顶级的瑞典床垫。它由Hastens公司手工打造，报价仅仅为49,500美元。是的，我知道很贵。但是，这款床垫一定超级大，能装的现金肯定特别多啊。(财富中文网)

斯坦利•宾（Stanley Bing）是BingCo.执行主席、《财富》杂志专栏作家。其文笔幽默、老辣，颇受读者喜爱。著作包括《你可以再狠一点》、《与象共舞：管理上司的艺术》、《职场兵法》、《一百种没用的工作，以及如何得到它们》、《搞定恶老板》、《罗马跨国企业》等。

译者：冯丰

校对：夏林

Nobody pays me like a Kardashian just for showing up at the party. Or rewards me with a nice slice of money pie for sitting on my fundament and advising other people which way the weather is going to turn, whether or not I get it right. Or gives me a tumbler of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle to sip as I search for micro shifts in global currencies.

No, my fate, it seems, is to rise at dawn, scrape my face, strap on a monkey suit, and go out the door to labor in the mines until the whistle blows and I can drag my tired carcass back to my little pallet to grab a few hours of rest. Then the next day dawns, and I start it all over again. I don’t do it because I love it all the time. I do it because they pay me. That’s why they call it a job, I guess. I don’t mind it, exactly, but I’ll tell you that I certainly do appreciate every dollar I’ve managed to assemble after years of digging that salt. And losing any of it for any reason whatsoever makes me sort of sick to my stomach.

This powerful drive never to see even a centime circle the drain if I can absolutely avoid itis the central artery that pumps lifeblood into my entire investment strategy. That, paired with my conviction that the market is an irrational monster driven at any moment by other people’s greed and fear, has produced certain operating imperatives:

1、Don’t Lose Any @#$% Money.

Like I said. This, for the most part, means bonds. Value goes up or down, but in the end you get your principal back. That means a lot to me.

2、Don’t Invest in Evil.

There are companies that do really lousy things and have a huge negative impact on the world. I don’t want to make money on them. Or worse, lose money on them.

3、Invest in What You Use.

For me, this means diet soda, cheeseburgers, and health care. And Apple AAPL 0.77% and Google GOOGL 2.17% . Also, there’s probably a reason unicorns are extinct.

4、Don’t Diversify.

Every supposed market intellectual says to spread out one’s investments across the industrial firmament. Do you know how many people I know who lost a bundle following that BS advice? What a crock! When everything crashes, who loses the most? Idiots who listened to idiots who told them to invest in everything, that’s who. Focus! What were we talking about? Oh, yes …

5、Never Believe That the Market Is Rational.

It isn’t. The market is stupid, for a variety of reasons. Fear makes you stupid. Greed makes you stupid. Most of all, hope makes you stupid.

6、If You Want to Gamble, Go to Vegas.

Have you been? Visit sometime. Stand in the middle of a big casino. Now spend some time wondering how this is different from the investment game. Go ahead. Tell me how.

7. Love Your Money.

Would you risk your dog for a chance of getting a better one? Would you bet your kids in a poker game? Of course not. Then why would you risk your lovely, delicious, hard-won money on some aspirational bushwa?

In the end, the best investments never really pay off in anything but peace of mind. That’s why I’m planning to invest in the best possible mattress I can find. It will help me sleep well, firm in the knowledge that I’m resting on the product of my own labor. There’s this handmade model by a Swedish company called Hastens that lists for a mere $49,500. Steep, I know. But man, that’s got to be one fantastic mattress. Think how much cash that baby could hold.