你身边是否有一位固执己见的“朋友”,类似于美剧《办公室》(The Office)中的麦克·斯考特,并因此有过一段令你感到痛苦的不平凡经历?你是否被一位同事意外背叛,或者自己的项目因办公室刻薄的女同事而遭到破坏,亦或与同事的工作情谊在毫无缘由的情况下彻底破裂?
如果你有过上述经历,那么你面对的人可能就具有心理学家所称的“黑暗人格”。这些人在三种不受社会欢迎的性格特征方面得分更高,即自恋、精神病态和马基雅维利主义(又称权术主义)。
作为一名组织学学者,我花费了数年的时间研究销售职业领域的人格特征。在最近的研究中,我和我的同事致力于找出具有上述黑暗人格的员工在销售机构获得成功的方式,以及允许他们延续其成功的社会因素。基于我们的研究,下文简要介绍了这些对抗性人格的类型,以及如何在日常生活中辨别这些人格。
黑暗人格的定义
自恋是人们最为熟知的黑暗人格类型。他们有着无上的自我优越感,而且生怕别人不知道。在工作上,你可能会发现,哪怕自恋型员工的业绩不如普通销售人员好,他们也会夸耀自己高超的销售技能。保守估计,自恋型人群的人口占比约为6.2%。
尽管自恋行为可能会让人感到厌烦,但社会对其容忍度通常要高于下面要介绍的另外两种黑暗人格特征。
功能性精神病态(非犯罪型)尤为令人感到不安。心理学家估计,这类人群在人口中的占比高达4%。精神病态者在利用他人为自己牟利时不会有负罪感。功能性精神病态人群非常反感社交,通常对他人没有多少怜悯之心。他们更关心的是通过任何必要的手段“获得自己想要的东西”。精神病态人群会迅速推诿责任,并寻找替罪羊,哪怕为此说谎也在所不惜。
有鉴于其易冲动的特征,精神病态人群更易说谎,而且毫无具体原因可言。如果你在办公室闲聊中听到有人说谎,并毫无目的性,那么你可能就遇到了功能性精神病态人士。
在职场中,精神病态人士可能一开始看起来十分有魅力。然而人们最终可能会发现,自己会质疑其动机,或成为其破坏行为的牺牲品。尽管喋喋不休的自我夸耀让他们比自恋者更难辨识,但精神病态人士臭名昭著的行为最终往往会原形毕露。
马基雅维利主义是最盛行的黑暗人格类型,预计占人口比例的16%。其名称来自意大利文艺复兴时期的政客尼科洛·马基雅维利,他认为只要能达到目的,采用不道德的手段亦属正当。马基雅维利主义者没有自恋者那么惹人烦,也没有功能性精神病态者那么折磨人,他们在追求自身目标的过程中并不张扬,在前行时也不会考虑道德约束。与狮子一样,马基雅维利主义者看起来人畜无害,而且在出击之前会一直在远处紧盯其猎物。
他们擅长放长线。正是他们的伪装、耐心和不易察觉的操控才让其成为了尤为危险的黑暗人格。
与精神病态者不必要的谎言相比,人们更有可能在无意中听到人群中的马基雅维利主义者讲一些善意的谎言,其目标是战略性地推动未来的某项议程。例如,你可能会听到他们称赞一位同事,而你恰好知道这位同事在近期将拿到一大笔奖金。马基雅维利主义者可能会为了获邀参加他们的庆祝活动而进行战略性的铺垫。
简言之,黑暗人格人士看中的目标可能会发现,自恋者以自我为中心的特征十分明显,而且会让人感到厌烦,但通常无伤大雅;精神病态人士的不良行径并不怎么明显,但有可能异常出格。相对于自恋者,马基雅维利主义者并没有那么爱炫耀,其不良行为也可能没有精神病态者那么严重。不过从长远来看,马基雅维利主义者可能会为了实现其个人目标而突然背叛他人。
当你在思考这些黑暗人格及其在人际交往中的表现形式时,你可能会有一种似曾相识的感觉。以下是规避自己生活中黑暗人格、尽可能减少其伤害的五种方法。
1.不要相信第一印象
就制造绝佳第一印象而言,具有黑暗人格的人是这方面的专家,他们会用幽默和魅力来吸引他人。因此,当你遇到新人时,要警惕这种肤浅的吸引力。有鉴于自恋者自吹自擂的性格倾向,这类人最容易辨识。
要辨别其他两种类型,不妨问问其过往的人际关系,并认真留意能够透露此人本来面目的线索。由于黑暗人格在最后基本上都会原形毕露,这些人不大可能会拥有长久的友谊,作为挡箭牌,他们可能会将责任归咎于他人。
切记,不要仅根据第一印象便矫枉过正,放弃工作方面潜在的新朋友。
2.分享自己的(糟糕)经历
当你遇到一个具有黑暗人格的人士,而且结果并不愉快时,你可能会为放任其愚弄或操控自己而感到难堪,亦或当你看到有人遭到他人的虐待时,你也可能会感到内疚或羞愧。最终,你可能不愿去谈论这些事情。你的这种迟疑会遭到黑暗人格者的利用,因为你的沉默有助于其隐藏“黑暗核心”,也就是定义其性格的那些对抗特征。
因此,为了帮助揭发黑暗人格,并避免其他人陷入同样遭遇,秉持谨慎的态度分享自身经历至关重要。
3.站在老板的角度思考问题,为老板提供信息
那些具有黑暗人格的人士善于认真管理其给领导者留下的印象。因此在工作中,你可以练习站在老板的角度思考问题,以帮助老板更清楚地了解黑暗人格。
与老板分享你的经历,不要添油加醋,例如围绕自己看到的无礼事件表达担忧,或围绕如何应对喜欢夸耀并可能会因此而丢失机会和客户的同事,寻求老板的建议或指引。此举可能会帮助你的老板识破其面目,并有助于你解决这一问题。
4.利用自身的人际关系
另一方面,别忘了还要倾听他人的心声。为了避免掉入操控者的陷阱,要利用自己身边与问题人士有关联的人际关系。试试在长时间内是否能搜集到有关其行为的参考证据。在理想情况下,你可能会受益于其他人掌握的情况,也就无需亲身经历挫折。
5.要意识到自身的偏见
不要低估黑暗人格人士阴谋诡计的影响力。当有人分享遭到背叛的个人故事时,要当心出现“永远都不会发生在我身上”的想法。黑暗人格人士在操控局势为己用方面是专家,而且你可能永远都不会察觉自己已经掉入了陷阱,并最终发展到无法挽回的地步。觉得自己异常聪明或精明,不会在同一个陷阱中跌倒这种想法,会让人误入歧途。
在将这些技巧运用到自己的生活中时,要注意,不要成为一名夸夸其谈的心理医生。人有旦夕祸福,而且每个人都是如此。不要根据自己推测的潜在人格特征,对朋友、合作伙伴和同事进行诊断,要专注于自己发现的任何不良行为,并采取应对举措,而不是挖空心思去推测该行为背后的人格。最好把此事留给专业人士。
如果你是机构或团队的领导者,要思考设立明确的沟通指引和路径,从而让成员能够汇报他们看到的任何令人担忧的行为。通过合作与分享共同的经验,每个人都可以揭发那些对抗性人格人士的职场不当行径。(财富中文网)
辛西娅∙贝卡塞斯∙萨托尼诺(Cinthia Beccacece Satornino)是新罕布什尔大学(University of New Hampshire)销售中心的研究主任,也是该校营销学副教授。
译者:冯丰
审校:夏林
你身边是否有一位固执己见的“朋友”,类似于美剧《办公室》(The Office)中的麦克·斯考特,并因此有过一段令你感到痛苦的不平凡经历?你是否被一位同事意外背叛,或者自己的项目因办公室刻薄的女同事而遭到破坏,亦或与同事的工作情谊在毫无缘由的情况下彻底破裂?
如果你有过上述经历,那么你面对的人可能就具有心理学家所称的“黑暗人格”。这些人在三种不受社会欢迎的性格特征方面得分更高,即自恋、精神病态和马基雅维利主义(又称权术主义)。
作为一名组织学学者,我花费了数年的时间研究销售职业领域的人格特征。在最近的研究中,我和我的同事致力于找出具有上述黑暗人格的员工在销售机构获得成功的方式,以及允许他们延续其成功的社会因素。基于我们的研究,下文简要介绍了这些对抗性人格的类型,以及如何在日常生活中辨别这些人格。
黑暗人格的定义
自恋是人们最为熟知的黑暗人格类型。他们有着无上的自我优越感,而且生怕别人不知道。在工作上,你可能会发现,哪怕自恋型员工的业绩不如普通销售人员好,他们也会夸耀自己高超的销售技能。保守估计,自恋型人群的人口占比约为6.2%。
尽管自恋行为可能会让人感到厌烦,但社会对其容忍度通常要高于下面要介绍的另外两种黑暗人格特征。
功能性精神病态(非犯罪型)尤为令人感到不安。心理学家估计,这类人群在人口中的占比高达4%。精神病态者在利用他人为自己牟利时不会有负罪感。功能性精神病态人群非常反感社交,通常对他人没有多少怜悯之心。他们更关心的是通过任何必要的手段“获得自己想要的东西”。精神病态人群会迅速推诿责任,并寻找替罪羊,哪怕为此说谎也在所不惜。
有鉴于其易冲动的特征,精神病态人群更易说谎,而且毫无具体原因可言。如果你在办公室闲聊中听到有人说谎,并毫无目的性,那么你可能就遇到了功能性精神病态人士。
在职场中,精神病态人士可能一开始看起来十分有魅力。然而人们最终可能会发现,自己会质疑其动机,或成为其破坏行为的牺牲品。尽管喋喋不休的自我夸耀让他们比自恋者更难辨识,但精神病态人士臭名昭著的行为最终往往会原形毕露。
马基雅维利主义是最盛行的黑暗人格类型,预计占人口比例的16%。其名称来自意大利文艺复兴时期的政客尼科洛·马基雅维利,他认为只要能达到目的,采用不道德的手段亦属正当。马基雅维利主义者没有自恋者那么惹人烦,也没有功能性精神病态者那么折磨人,他们在追求自身目标的过程中并不张扬,在前行时也不会考虑道德约束。与狮子一样,马基雅维利主义者看起来人畜无害,而且在出击之前会一直在远处紧盯其猎物。
他们擅长放长线。正是他们的伪装、耐心和不易察觉的操控才让其成为了尤为危险的黑暗人格。
与精神病态者不必要的谎言相比,人们更有可能在无意中听到人群中的马基雅维利主义者讲一些善意的谎言,其目标是战略性地推动未来的某项议程。例如,你可能会听到他们称赞一位同事,而你恰好知道这位同事在近期将拿到一大笔奖金。马基雅维利主义者可能会为了获邀参加他们的庆祝活动而进行战略性的铺垫。
简言之,黑暗人格人士看中的目标可能会发现,自恋者以自我为中心的特征十分明显,而且会让人感到厌烦,但通常无伤大雅;精神病态人士的不良行径并不怎么明显,但有可能异常出格。相对于自恋者,马基雅维利主义者并没有那么爱炫耀,其不良行为也可能没有精神病态者那么严重。不过从长远来看,马基雅维利主义者可能会为了实现其个人目标而突然背叛他人。
当你在思考这些黑暗人格及其在人际交往中的表现形式时,你可能会有一种似曾相识的感觉。以下是规避自己生活中黑暗人格、尽可能减少其伤害的五种方法。
1.不要相信第一印象
就制造绝佳第一印象而言,具有黑暗人格的人是这方面的专家,他们会用幽默和魅力来吸引他人。因此,当你遇到新人时,要警惕这种肤浅的吸引力。有鉴于自恋者自吹自擂的性格倾向,这类人最容易辨识。
要辨别其他两种类型,不妨问问其过往的人际关系,并认真留意能够透露此人本来面目的线索。由于黑暗人格在最后基本上都会原形毕露,这些人不大可能会拥有长久的友谊,作为挡箭牌,他们可能会将责任归咎于他人。
切记,不要仅根据第一印象便矫枉过正,放弃工作方面潜在的新朋友。
2.分享自己的(糟糕)经历
当你遇到一个具有黑暗人格的人士,而且结果并不愉快时,你可能会为放任其愚弄或操控自己而感到难堪,亦或当你看到有人遭到他人的虐待时,你也可能会感到内疚或羞愧。最终,你可能不愿去谈论这些事情。你的这种迟疑会遭到黑暗人格者的利用,因为你的沉默有助于其隐藏“黑暗核心”,也就是定义其性格的那些对抗特征。
因此,为了帮助揭发黑暗人格,并避免其他人陷入同样遭遇,秉持谨慎的态度分享自身经历至关重要。
3.站在老板的角度思考问题,为老板提供信息
那些具有黑暗人格的人士善于认真管理其给领导者留下的印象。因此在工作中,你可以练习站在老板的角度思考问题,以帮助老板更清楚地了解黑暗人格。
与老板分享你的经历,不要添油加醋,例如围绕自己看到的无礼事件表达担忧,或围绕如何应对喜欢夸耀并可能会因此而丢失机会和客户的同事,寻求老板的建议或指引。此举可能会帮助你的老板识破其面目,并有助于你解决这一问题。
4.利用自身的人际关系
另一方面,别忘了还要倾听他人的心声。为了避免掉入操控者的陷阱,要利用自己身边与问题人士有关联的人际关系。试试在长时间内是否能搜集到有关其行为的参考证据。在理想情况下,你可能会受益于其他人掌握的情况,也就无需亲身经历挫折。
5.要意识到自身的偏见
不要低估黑暗人格人士阴谋诡计的影响力。当有人分享遭到背叛的个人故事时,要当心出现“永远都不会发生在我身上”的想法。黑暗人格人士在操控局势为己用方面是专家,而且你可能永远都不会察觉自己已经掉入了陷阱,并最终发展到无法挽回的地步。觉得自己异常聪明或精明,不会在同一个陷阱中跌倒这种想法,会让人误入歧途。
在将这些技巧运用到自己的生活中时,要注意,不要成为一名夸夸其谈的心理医生。人有旦夕祸福,而且每个人都是如此。不要根据自己推测的潜在人格特征,对朋友、合作伙伴和同事进行诊断,要专注于自己发现的任何不良行为,并采取应对举措,而不是挖空心思去推测该行为背后的人格。最好把此事留给专业人士。
如果你是机构或团队的领导者,要思考设立明确的沟通指引和路径,从而让成员能够汇报他们看到的任何令人担忧的行为。通过合作与分享共同的经验,每个人都可以揭发那些对抗性人格人士的职场不当行径。(财富中文网)
辛西娅∙贝卡塞斯∙萨托尼诺(Cinthia Beccacece Satornino)是新罕布什尔大学(University of New Hampshire)销售中心的研究主任,也是该校营销学副教授。
译者:冯丰
审校:夏林
Have you ever suffered through tales of greatness from a self-absorbed “friend” who reminds you of Michael Scott from “The Office” – and not in a good way? Have you been betrayed by a colleague out of the blue, undermined on a project by the office mean girl, or had a work friendship dropped altogether without explanation?
If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you may have been dealing with someone who has what psychologists term a “dark personality.” These people score higher on three socially undesirable traits: narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism.
As an organizational scholar, I’ve spent years studying personality traits in the context of the sales profession. In recent work, my colleagues and I focused on the ways people with these dark personalities succeed in sales organizations and the social factors that allow them to extend their successful tenures. Based on our research, here’s a primer on these antagonistic personality types – and how you can unmask examples you encounter in your everyday life.
Defining the dark personalities
Narcissists have the most familiar type of dark personality. They aren’t shy about letting you know exactly how highly they think of themselves. At work, you might find the narcissist bragging about their superior sales skills, even though their performance isn’t much better than the average salesperson. Conservative estimates of narcissism in the general population fall around 6.2%.
While narcissistic behavior can be annoying, it’s usually more tolerable than what the other two dark traits tend to serve up.
Functional – meaning noncriminal – psychopaths are particularly disturbing. Psychologists estimate they comprise up to 4% of the general population. Psychopaths have no qualms about exploiting others for their own benefit. Stubbornly antisocial, functional psychopaths generally have little empathy for others. They’re more concerned about “getting theirs” by any means necessary. Psychopaths are quick to deflect blame and throw others under the bus, even if it means telling lies.
With their impulsive tendencies, psychopaths are prone to telling lies for no particular reason at all. If you find yourself in a group water-cooler conversation and hear someone telling lies that don’t seem to serve any purpose, you might have stumbled on a functional psychopath.
In the workplace, at first a psychopath may seem charming. But eventually you’ll likely find yourself either questioning their motivations, or becoming a victim of their destructive behavior. Though they can be harder to identify than narcissists with their nonstop bragging, psychopaths’ egregious behavior tends to unmask them in the end.
Machiavellians are the most prevalent of the dark personalities, estimated to be about 16% of the population. They get their name from Italian Renaissance statesman Nicolo Macchiavelli, who believed the ends could justify immoral means. Less annoying than narcissists, less abrasive than functional psychopaths, Machiavellians are more subtle in the pursuit of their agendas. They forge ahead regardless of ethical considerations. Like lions, Machiavellians seem benevolent, watching their prey from afar – until they strike.
They’re adept at playing the long game – it’s their stealth, patience and subtle manipulation that make them a particularly dangerous dark personality.
Compared with a psychopath’s unnecessary lies, you’re more likely to overhear the Machiavellian in the group telling little white lies that are strategically designed to further a future agenda. For example, you might hear them flattering the colleague you happen to know will be getting a big bonus in the near future – the Machiavellian may be strategically laying the groundwork for being invited to help them spend it.
In short, targets of dark personalities likely find narcissists to be conspicuously and irritatingly self-centered, but generally innocuous. Psychopaths are less obvious in their bad behavior, but their transgressions can be quite severe. Machiavellians are less in-your-face than narcissists, and their nefarious actions are likely to be less severe than those of psychopaths. In the long run, though, a Machiavellian can leave you reeling from an unexpected betrayal to benefit their personal agenda.
As you consider these dark traits and how they show up in interpersonal relationships, you might sense a spark of recognition. Here are five tips for avoiding dark personalities in your own life or minimizing the harm they cause.
1. Don’t fall for first impressions
Dark personalities are experts at making great first impressions, drawing you in with humor and charisma. So, when you meet someone new, be wary of superficial appeal. Narcissists, with their tendency to talk themselves up, are the easiest to spot.
To identify the others, ask questions about past relationships and listen carefully for clues about who this person really is. Because dark personalities are almost always unmasked in the end, they’re less likely to have long-standing friendships – an absence they may explain away by faulting others.
Just be mindful not to overcorrect and ditch a potential new work friend based only on first impressions, either.
2. Share your own (bad) experiences
When you encounter a dark personality and the outcome is unpleasant, you might feel embarrassed for allowing yourself to be fooled or manipulated, or you might feel guilt or shame when you observe someone treating someone else badly. As a result, you might not want to talk about it. Dark personalities exploit that reluctance because your silence helps keep hidden their “core of darkness” – the antagonistic traits that define them.
So to help unmask the dark personality and keep others from meeting the same fate, sharing your experience, with discretion, is critical.
3. Manage up to clue bosses in
Those with dark personalities are good at carefully managing the impressions they make on people in positions of power. So, at work, you can practice managing up to help your boss see the dark personality more clearly.
Share your experiences in a nongossipy way, such as expressing concern about incidents of incivility that you witnessed or requesting advice or guidance in dealing with a very boastful colleague who may be alienating prospects or customers. It may help your boss see through the facade and help you deal with the issue.
4. Plug into your networks
On the flip side, remember to also listen to others. To avoid falling into a manipulator’s web, tap into the network of those around you who share a link to the person in question. See if you can gather references regarding their behavior over the long term. Ideally, you can benefit from others’ knowledge, without having to learn the hard way.
5. Be aware of your own biases
Don’t underestimate the strength of a dark personality’s machinations. When someone shares a personal story of betrayal, be wary of thinking, “that would never happen to me!” Dark personalities are experts in manipulating situations to serve their interests, and you may never notice you’re ensnared until it’s too late. Considering yourself too smart or savvy to ever find yourself in the same predicament is misguided.
As you apply these tips in your life, you want to be wary of becoming an armchair pscyhologist. Anyone can have a bad day-and everyone has. Instead of diagnosing friends, partners and colleagues based on what you think might be their underlying personality traits, focus on any bad behaviors you personally witness, and respond to the actions – not what you think underlies them. Best leave that to the professionals.
If you are in charge of organizations or teams, consider having clear guidance and pathways of communication for individuals to report any concerning behavior they witness. By working together and sharing collective experiences, the rest of us can shine light on the workplace misdeeds of those with antagonistic personalities.
Cinthia Beccacece Satornino is research director at the UNH Sales Center and Assistant Professor of Marketing, University of New Hampshire