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看不惯老板,应该怎么办?

聪明地选择哪些对抗是值得的,能够引起老板的关注,这一点非常重要。

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专家们一致认为,并不是每一场与老板的战斗都值得一战。图片来源:LJUBAPHOTO—GETTY IMAGES

如果老板在同事面前对你大声呵斥,要求你做超出职权范围的事情或者不当行为,事后员工会面临一个简单但棘手的问题:我应该逃离、抗争,还是无动于衷?

职业教练凯尔·埃利奥特博士对《财富》杂志表示,为自己辩护可以带来巨大的好处,“包括压力更小的工作环境、与老板更好的关系和更完善的沟通渠道”。

然而,在当前的经济环境下,雇主纷纷宣布减少招聘和大规模裁员,如果公司高管不得不裁员,这时候反驳老板,可能令自己成为被针对的对象。

因此,聪明地选择哪些对抗是值得的,能够引起老板的关注,这一点非常重要。

临床心理学家、公司与领导力教练和斯特拉思克莱德大学(Strathclyde University)的教授罗斯·泰勒警告:“并非所有分歧或沮丧都值得解决,而且一次性提出太多问题,可能让事情变得更复杂。”

这是一种两难境地,她的客户经常要慎重考虑。

幸运的是,泰勒和埃利奥特提供了一些明智的忠告,可以帮助人们确定与老板对峙的恰当时机,以及如何在冒险的时候将伤害最小化。

评估状况和你的感受

与老板发生冲突后,容易发生的问题是将事情变成私人恩怨,爆发情绪。

泰勒说:“然后我们会担心如果我们为自己辩护,可能就会突然大哭或者尖叫。”但她强调,无论你觉得自己如何愤怒,“在与老板沟通的时候关键是保持冷静。”

因此,为了让自己冷静下来(避免说一些可能后悔的话),重要的是首先要客观。

泰勒建议,按照从1到10的分值,评价自己的感受、事情发生的频率,以及问题对你而言的重要性。

她坚持认为:“如果分值很高,问题不断发生,并且严重程度达到8分、9分,甚至10分,那你就必须解决它。”但如果你对状况和自己的感受进行评估后,发现它的评分相对较低,原因可能只是老板心情不好。

泰勒表示:“有时候,老板的表现并非总是与你有关。”从老板自己家中的问题,到以高人一等的语气与下属说话,“老板生活中可能正在经历各种事件,很可惜,你恰好在某个时刻出现在老板面前。”

时机很关键

埃利奥特称:“决定什么时候与老板对峙,这是每个人自己的选择,但相比等待几周、几个月,甚至几年后提出一长串问题,在问题出现后立即提出来通常更容易。”

注意,这依旧不意味着要在冲动之下坚持自己的立场。但如果你对某件事情感受强烈,最好将其消灭在萌芽状态,而不是让问题持续恶化,直至你的忍耐达到极限。

问题发生后一周内通常是一个合理的时间,既能够舒缓你的怒气,又不会让你失去说出问题的机会窗口。泰勒建议,至少给自己一个晚上的时间冷静下来,练习自己想说的话。

此外,你还要考虑时机。最糟糕的做法是,当老板正在准备第二天的一项重要演示的时候激怒他。

埃利奥特建议:“如果你有每周一次或者每两周一次与老板一对一交流的机会,这就是表达不满的良好场合。”此外,泰勒建议问自己一个问题:这是否是破坏现状的好时机?

DESC法

为了避免陷入情绪激烈的辩论和相互指责(作为下属不可能取得胜利),最好坚持以事实说话,并说出你对某个问题的感受。

埃利奥特说:“如果你选择直面上司,一定不要只提出问题,还要提出解决方案。我经常鼓励客户做好准备提出令他们烦恼的具体情况,因为优秀的管理者希望听到员工用具体的例子说明他们的问题。但还要更进一步,提供可能更适合你的多个选项。”

泰勒也鼓励客户使用“DESC”法创建一份脚本。所谓“DESC”,代表了描述(Description)、情绪(Emotion)、解决方案(Solution)和后果(Consequence)。

首先准确说明状况,描述你的感受,然后提出一个解决方案,说明你更希望老板如何与你沟通或者如何对待你,最后总结如果一切如常可能产生的后果。

例如:“周五,您发送了一连串邮件贬低我,这令我非常生气。未来,如果我犯错,希望您可以私下与我交流,让我能够自己与客户解决,否则可能对我的自信心以及其他人如何看待我的能力产生连锁反应。”

为遭到反噬做好准备

无论你选择哪种方式,与老板对峙总是存在风险,尤其是对于不习惯接受反馈的老板。

泰勒有一位来自法律行业的年轻客户最终鼓起勇气告诉上司,她希望上司不要对她大喊大叫。这名年轻人说出自己辛苦练习的一番话后,对方瞪着她回复了一句“滚”。

泰勒表示:“我对此感觉很糟糕。但她在说出想说的话后,感觉好多了,而且这对她有好处,因为其他同事从未对那个人说出自己的感受。”

在大胆说出自己的想法之前,首先要考虑你的终极目标是什么。

如果你只是为了说出自己的想法,没有问题,但你要清楚,这样做可能不会让对方的行为有任何改变,甚至可能进一步破坏你与上司之间的关系。

埃利奥特建议:“如果你只想发泄,或者指出对方个性上的缺点,你最好忍住,而是找朋友或者导师倾诉。”

如果你希望与老板对峙能实现特定的结果,他建议先用“小的反馈”试试水,并且要准备提出示例和解决方案,但不要变成个人恩怨。

他还表示:“最后,你无法预测当你说出自己的想法时上司的反应。然而,你可以想象一下如果你处在他们的位置,你希望其他人如何对待你,从而提高他们改善的概率。”(财富中文网)

翻译:刘进龙

审校:汪皓

如果老板在同事面前对你大声呵斥,要求你做超出职权范围的事情或者不当行为,事后员工会面临一个简单但棘手的问题:我应该逃离、抗争,还是无动于衷?

职业教练凯尔·埃利奥特博士对《财富》杂志表示,为自己辩护可以带来巨大的好处,“包括压力更小的工作环境、与老板更好的关系和更完善的沟通渠道”。

然而,在当前的经济环境下,雇主纷纷宣布减少招聘和大规模裁员,如果公司高管不得不裁员,这时候反驳老板,可能令自己成为被针对的对象。

因此,聪明地选择哪些对抗是值得的,能够引起老板的关注,这一点非常重要。

临床心理学家、公司与领导力教练和斯特拉思克莱德大学(Strathclyde University)的教授罗斯·泰勒警告:“并非所有分歧或沮丧都值得解决,而且一次性提出太多问题,可能让事情变得更复杂。”

这是一种两难境地,她的客户经常要慎重考虑。

幸运的是,泰勒和埃利奥特提供了一些明智的忠告,可以帮助人们确定与老板对峙的恰当时机,以及如何在冒险的时候将伤害最小化。

评估状况和你的感受

与老板发生冲突后,容易发生的问题是将事情变成私人恩怨,爆发情绪。

泰勒说:“然后我们会担心如果我们为自己辩护,可能就会突然大哭或者尖叫。”但她强调,无论你觉得自己如何愤怒,“在与老板沟通的时候关键是保持冷静。”

因此,为了让自己冷静下来(避免说一些可能后悔的话),重要的是首先要客观。

泰勒建议,按照从1到10的分值,评价自己的感受、事情发生的频率,以及问题对你而言的重要性。

她坚持认为:“如果分值很高,问题不断发生,并且严重程度达到8分、9分,甚至10分,那你就必须解决它。”但如果你对状况和自己的感受进行评估后,发现它的评分相对较低,原因可能只是老板心情不好。

泰勒表示:“有时候,老板的表现并非总是与你有关。”从老板自己家中的问题,到以高人一等的语气与下属说话,“老板生活中可能正在经历各种事件,很可惜,你恰好在某个时刻出现在老板面前。”

时机很关键

埃利奥特称:“决定什么时候与老板对峙,这是每个人自己的选择,但相比等待几周、几个月,甚至几年后提出一长串问题,在问题出现后立即提出来通常更容易。”

注意,这依旧不意味着要在冲动之下坚持自己的立场。但如果你对某件事情感受强烈,最好将其消灭在萌芽状态,而不是让问题持续恶化,直至你的忍耐达到极限。

问题发生后一周内通常是一个合理的时间,既能够舒缓你的怒气,又不会让你失去说出问题的机会窗口。泰勒建议,至少给自己一个晚上的时间冷静下来,练习自己想说的话。

此外,你还要考虑时机。最糟糕的做法是,当老板正在准备第二天的一项重要演示的时候激怒他。

埃利奥特建议:“如果你有每周一次或者每两周一次与老板一对一交流的机会,这就是表达不满的良好场合。”此外,泰勒建议问自己一个问题:这是否是破坏现状的好时机?

DESC法

为了避免陷入情绪激烈的辩论和相互指责(作为下属不可能取得胜利),最好坚持以事实说话,并说出你对某个问题的感受。

埃利奥特说:“如果你选择直面上司,一定不要只提出问题,还要提出解决方案。我经常鼓励客户做好准备提出令他们烦恼的具体情况,因为优秀的管理者希望听到员工用具体的例子说明他们的问题。但还要更进一步,提供可能更适合你的多个选项。”

泰勒也鼓励客户使用“DESC”法创建一份脚本。所谓“DESC”,代表了描述(Description)、情绪(Emotion)、解决方案(Solution)和后果(Consequence)。

首先准确说明状况,描述你的感受,然后提出一个解决方案,说明你更希望老板如何与你沟通或者如何对待你,最后总结如果一切如常可能产生的后果。

例如:“周五,您发送了一连串邮件贬低我,这令我非常生气。未来,如果我犯错,希望您可以私下与我交流,让我能够自己与客户解决,否则可能对我的自信心以及其他人如何看待我的能力产生连锁反应。”

为遭到反噬做好准备

无论你选择哪种方式,与老板对峙总是存在风险,尤其是对于不习惯接受反馈的老板。

泰勒有一位来自法律行业的年轻客户最终鼓起勇气告诉上司,她希望上司不要对她大喊大叫。这名年轻人说出自己辛苦练习的一番话后,对方瞪着她回复了一句“滚”。

泰勒表示:“我对此感觉很糟糕。但她在说出想说的话后,感觉好多了,而且这对她有好处,因为其他同事从未对那个人说出自己的感受。”

在大胆说出自己的想法之前,首先要考虑你的终极目标是什么。

如果你只是为了说出自己的想法,没有问题,但你要清楚,这样做可能不会让对方的行为有任何改变,甚至可能进一步破坏你与上司之间的关系。

埃利奥特建议:“如果你只想发泄,或者指出对方个性上的缺点,你最好忍住,而是找朋友或者导师倾诉。”

如果你希望与老板对峙能实现特定的结果,他建议先用“小的反馈”试试水,并且要准备提出示例和解决方案,但不要变成个人恩怨。

他还表示:“最后,你无法预测当你说出自己的想法时上司的反应。然而,你可以想象一下如果你处在他们的位置,你希望其他人如何对待你,从而提高他们改善的概率。”(财富中文网)

翻译:刘进龙

审校:汪皓

In the moments after your boss shouts at you in front of your peers, demands you do something way beyond your job scope, or acts inappropriately, workers face a simple—but tough—question: Should I flee, fight, or freeze?

There can be considerable benefits to standing up for yourself, “including a less stressful work environment, a better relationship with your boss, and improved lines of communication,” career coach Dr. Kyle Elliott tells Fortune.

However, in the current economic climate, where employers are announcing cutbacks and mass layoffs, it might feel like speaking out will put a target on your back if executives have to cull the workforce.

That’s why it’s important to choose wisely which battles are worth bringing to your boss’s attention.

“Not every disagreement or frustration is worth addressing and bringing up too many concerns at once can actually muddy the waters,” cautions Ros Taylor, a clinical psychologist, corporate and leadership coach, and professor at Strathclyde University.

It’s a dilemma that her clients are often stuck mulling over.

Thankfully, Taylor and Elliott have some sage advice on knowing when it is the right time to confront your boss—and how to put your neck on the line with minimum damage.

Assess the situation and your feelings

In the immediate aftermath of a brush with your boss, the danger is taking it too personally and having an outburst.

“Then we’re frightened that if we speak, we either burst into tears or scream,” Taylor says while highlighting that no matter how angry you feel, “the main thing is to keep your cool when dealing with a boss.”

So in order to calmly collect yourself (and avoid saying something you might regret), it’s important to first have some objectivity.

Taylor suggests ranking how you feel, how often it happens, and how important this problem is for you to voice on a scale of 1-10.

“If it’s up there, and it’s happening all the time, and it’s a particularly bad one at an eight, nine or a 10, then you’ve got to deal with that,” she insists. But if after assessing the situation and how you feel, you realize that it ranks fairly lowly then it could point to the boss simply having a bad day.

“Sometimes it’s not always about you,” Taylor says. From the boss’s problems at home to a talking down from their own superior, “there could be all sorts of things that might be going on in their lives and unfortunately, you stood in the way in that particular moment.”

Timing is key

“While deciding when to confront your boss is a personal choice, it’s often easier to bring up individual concerns as they arise, rather than waiting weeks, months, or even years, then presenting a laundry list of concerns,” Elliott says.

Take note that this still doesn’t mean standing your ground in the heat of the moment. But if you feel strongly about something, it’s better to nip it in the bud sooner rather than letting issues bubble up until you reach breaking point.

A good amount of time to give yourself to let your anger subside without missing your window of opportunity to speak up about the issue is generally up to a week after it took place. But at the very least, Taylor suggests giving yourself a night to calm down and practice what you want to say.

Plus you’ll want to think about timing. The last thing you want to do is aggravate your manager while they’re in the middle of preparing for an important presentation that’s due the next day.

“If you have a weekly or biweekly one-on-one with your manager, this can be a good place to air your grievances,” Elliott suggests, meanwhile Taylor suggests you ask yourself: Is this the right time to rock boats?

The DESC method

To avoid getting into a heated emotional debate and playing the blame game—where it’s unlikely you’ll come out on top—it’s better to stick to facts and lay out how that made you feel.

“If you do choose to confront your manager, be sure to present them with solutions, not just problems,” Elliot says. “I often encourage clients to be prepared to also point to specific situations that bothered them, as good managers will want concrete examples of where they messed up. But don’t stop there—also share a few options of what would have worked better for you.”

Similarly, Taylor encourages her clients to create a script using the “DESC” method, which stands for Description, Emotion, Solution and Consequence.

First pin point the situation, describe how it made you feel, then offer a solution of how you would have preferred to be approached or treated, and conclude with the consequence of business remaining as usual.

For example: “On Friday you undermined me in a chain email and it was very upsetting. In future, if I make a mistake I’d much prefer it if you could pull me aside for a private chat so that I can address it myself with the client or ultimately it will have a knock-on effect on my confidence, as well as how competent I look to others.”

Be prepared for backlash

Whichever way you pitch it, there are inherent risks in standing up to your boss—particularly if they aren’t accustomed to receiving feedback.

One of Taylor’s young clients in the law industry finally had the courage to tell her manager she’d rather he didn’t shout at her. After reciting what she had practiced she was going to say, he looked directly at her and told her to “f*ck off.”

“I felt awful about everything,” Taylor says. “But she actually felt better having said her piece—and good for her because nobody else around did say their piece to this man.”

So before speaking up, first consider what your end goal is.

If it’s simply to say your piece, that’s fine but be aware that it may not result in any behavior changes and could further damage the relationship with your manager.

“If you’re simply looking to vent or point out personality flaws, you’ll likely want to bite your tongue and instead speak with a friend or mentor,” Elliott advises.

If there is a specific outcome you think can be achieved from confronting your boss, then he suggests testing the waters “by starting with small, bite-sized pieces of feedback” and again, being ready to point to examples and solutions, without getting personal.

“Ultimately, you can’t predict how your boss will respond to you standing up to them. However, you can increase the chances of them improving by considering how you would want someone to treat you if you were in their shoes,” he adds.

财富中文网所刊载内容之知识产权为财富媒体知识产权有限公司及/或相关权利人专属所有或持有。未经许可,禁止进行转载、摘编、复制及建立镜像等任何使用。
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