一个CEO的自我修养

    • 它往往过于正式。因为你必须得预先计划三明治的内容，确保正确陈述，整个过程会让员工感觉很正式，像是在接受评判。

    • 而且，这种方法用过几次后，就会变得不那么真诚。员工会想：“天啊，她又在表扬我了。我知道接下来是什么了，批评。”

    • 中高级经理人员会立即意识到这是三明治批评法，结果产生负面效果。

    我在职业生涯的早期曾试图给一位资深雇员一份“三明治批评”，她就像看着一个小孩一样看着我说：“本，那些好听的就省省吧。直接告诉我，我哪里做错了。”当时，我就想，我绝对不是天生的CEO料。

关键点

    要想精通反馈之道，必须要超越“三明治批评”这类基础技巧，形成符合自己个性和价值观的风格。以下是实现有效反馈的几个关键点：

    • 真实可信。非常重要的一点是要让他们相信你的反馈，不要说一些操纵听者感受的话。不能假模假式。

    • 出发点正确。给出反馈的目的是因为希望他们成功，而不是失败，这一点也很重要。如果你真的想让他们成功，就得让他们感受到这一点。让他们感受到你的心。如果他们能感受到你的心，感受到你的支持，他们就会听你的。

    • 对事不对人。如果想开除某个人，就直接开除吧。不要让他/她准备好被开除。让他/她准备好取得成功。如果他/她不听取反馈，那就换种对话方式。

    • 不要在同事面前把一个人当小丑耍。虽然在小组会议上给出某种反馈并无不可，但绝对要避免让一个人在同事面前颜面扫地。否则，你的反馈除了能产生以下两种效果，将毫无效果：1) 让这名员工感到奇耻大辱；2)让这名员工对你恨之入骨。

    • 反馈因人而异。每个人都不同。有些人对于反馈非常敏感，有些人则脸皮特别厚，也很迟钝。你的语气应当结合员工的个性，而不是由着自己的性子。

    • 直截了当，但不刻薄。不要兜圈子。如果你觉得某人的演示很糟糕，不要说：“这的确不错，但可以加一个过渡，强化结论部分。”下面的说法听起来严厉，但效果也许更好：“我没听懂，不知道你要说什么，原因是如何如何。”弱化反馈中的批评部分，可能会比没有反馈还要糟搞 ，因为这可能导致误解，让听者困惑。但不要狂批他们，也不要显摆你的地位。这么做只会适得其反，因为正确的反馈是对话，而不是独白。

反馈是对话，而非独白

    没错，你可能是CEO，你可以告诉人们哪些是你不喜欢的、不认同的，但这并不意味着你一定是对的。你的员工应当比你更了解他们自己的职责。他们应当掌握了比你更多的数据。你有可能是错的。

    因此，你的目的应当是通过反馈，启动（而不是终结）讨论。鼓励人们挑战你的判断，给出观点和结论。从文化上，你希望围绕超高标准展开深入探讨。你想通过施加高压，获得高质量的想法，但同时也要足够开明，以便及时发现自己的错误。

    • It tends to be overly formal. Because you have to preplan and script the sandwich to make it come out correctly, the process can feel formal and judgmental to the employee.

    • After you do it a couple of times, it will lack authenticity. The employee will think: "Oh boy, she's complimenting me again. I know what's coming next, the shit."

    • More senior executives will recognize the shit sandwich immediately and it will have an instant negative effect.

    Early in my career, I attempted to deliver a carefully crafted shit sandwich to a senior employee and she looked at me like I was a little kid and said: "Spare me the compliment, Ben, and just tell me what I did wrong." At that point, I thought that I was definitely not born to be a CEO.

The Keys

    To become elite at giving feedback, you must elevate yourself beyond a basic technique like the shit sandwich. You must develop a style that matches your own personality and values. Here are the keys to being effective:

    • Be authentic. It's extremely important they you believe in the feedback that you give and not say anything to manipulate the recipient's feelings. You can't fake the funk.

    • Come from the right place. It's important that you give people feedback because you want them to succeed and not because you want them to fail. If you really want someone to succeed, then make her feel it. Make her feel you. If she feels you and you are in her corner, then she will listen to you.

    • Don't get personal. If you decide to fire somebody, fire her. Don't prepare her to get fired. Prepare her to succeed. If she doesn't take the feedback, then that's a different conversation.

    • Don't clown people in front of their peers. While it's OK to give certain kinds of feedback in a group setting, you should strive never to embarrass someone in front of their peers. If you do so, then your feedback will have little impact other than to a) cause the employee to be horribly ashamed and b) cause the employee to hate your guts.

    • Feedback is not one size fits all. Everybody is different. Some employees are extremely sensitive to feedback while others have particularly thick skin and often thick skulls. Stylistically, your tone should match the employee's personality not your mood.

    • Be direct, but not mean. Don't be obtuse. If you think somebody's presentation sucks, don't say: "It's really good, but could use one more pass to tighten up the conclusion." While it may seem harsh, it's much better to say: "I couldn't follow it and I didn't understand your point and here are the reasons why." Watered down feedback can be worse than no feedback at all because it's deceptive and confusing to the recipient. But don't beat them up or attempt to show your superiority. Doing so will defeat your purpose because when done properly feedback is dialogue, not a monologue.

Feedback is a dialogue, not a monologue

    You may be the CEO and you may be telling somebody about something that you don't like or disagree with, but that doesn't mean that you're right. Your employee should know more about her function than you. She should have more data than you. You may be wrong.

    As a result, your goal should be for your feedback to open up rather than close down discussion. Encourage people to challenge your judgment and argue the point to conclusion. Culturally, you want super high standards thoroughly discussed. You want to apply tremendous pressure to get the highest quality thinking, yet be open enough to find out when you are wrong.