选择职业教练的四大误区

    史密斯在担任现在这项职务之初也曾请过一位高管教练。她说，当时她希望能找到自己的领导力嗓音和风格。在接受辅导的过程中，她发现自己的一条不成文原则“不让任何人失望”是不可能完成的任务。它不仅会让自己精疲力尽，也没有意义，因为她遇到的新请求层出不穷。在一位教练的指导下，她开始学习如何对他人的请求策略性地说“不”，并给请求者指出一个积极的方向。

    “就我的情况而言，是用‘我要保持关系’取代‘不让任何人失望’，”史密斯说，同时指出，初次见面时，接受辅导的目标是什么，往往不甚明确。“有时候，刚开始接受辅导时会有一个目标，与教练谈完后会发现其实是另一个目标。”

    一点建议：如果你需要的是一位心理治疗师，不要聘请一位职业教练。“如果你感到沮丧，高管教练可能帮不了你，”丹特纳说。“如果你承受的巨大压力是因为工作和家庭难以兼顾，家庭事务过多地牵扯了你的精力，日照不足，吃不好，锻炼不够等等，这些人生的问题会妨碍简单直接的辅导。”

选错教练

    由于整个教练市场以及高管教练市场的快速发展，很难在这么多的选择中一下子找对人。理想的情况是能从信赖的人那里获得推荐，但适合朋友的教练未必就一定适合你。

    “我觉得，应该从第一次谈话就能感到自己与教练间存在着某种联系，”培训和领导力发展企业Next Step Partners的合伙人迈克•梅尔奇表示。这家公司在旧金山和纽约都设有办事处。

    寻找拥有行为科学背景（比如心理学或社会工作）和实际职场经验的教练，如果与你同行业或有相同的背景（比如新MBA或女性高管）就更理想了。

    目标也决定你需要什么样的辅导。“如果你需要发展自己的情商，应该请一位心理学家。如果希望加强演讲能力，则应该与沟通专家谈谈，”提供高管培训和团队建设咨询的纽约企业心理学家比尔•伯曼说。

    要提防那些试图操控或大玩心理游戏的人，比如要求预付20,000美元订金，一旦你提出不同意见，对方就批评你不按规矩办事。

    找一位教练：他/她必须是教练社群的一部分，或者有一位导师可依赖，不仅仰仗导师的名头，也可以向导师寻求建议和咨询。

框架规则不明确

    另一个严重的错误是与教练间缺乏明确的框架规则、支付预期以及时间预期。丹特纳说：“你可能要找这样的教练。他们能给你发一份合同，明确列出他们会做些什么，保密级别是什么，”

    特别是如果你是通过公司福利或职业发展资源，第一次与教练见面时，你更应该明确，这项培训是限于你和教练之间，还是会包括你的上司或人力资源部。

    Smith herself worked with an executive coach when she was moving into her current position. She says she wanted to find her leadership voice and style. Through the process, she realized that one of her unwritten rules was, "Don't let anyone down," an impossible standard that not only would exhaust Smith but wouldn't make sense given the volume of new requests being made of her. She worked with a coach on saying no to requests strategically and in a way that pointed the requester in a positive direction.

    "For me, it was replacing that rule of not letting anyone down with, 'I'm going to preserve relationships,' " Smith says, noting that the goal of the coaching engagement may not always be clear in the very first meeting. "Sometimes you come to a coaching relationship with a goal and through the coaching conversation you discover there's another goal at play."

    Another tip: don't hire a career coach if you really should be seeing a therapist. "If you're depressed, it's unlikely an executive coach is going to help you," Dattner says. "If you're under severe stress because of work-family issues or preoccupied with a situation at home, not getting enough sunlight, eating well, exercise, those bigger life things get in the way of straightforward, simple coaching."

You're with the wrong coach

    Given the growth of coaching in general, and executive coaching specifically, it can be hard to find the right one in a sea of available options. Ideally, you'll get a recommendation from someone you trust, but even then, the right coach for your friend may not be the right one for you.

    "I believe you should feel a connection with your coach from the first conversation," says Michael Melcher, a partner at Next Step Partners, a coaching and leadership development firm based in San Francisco and New York.

    Look for a combination of a behavioral science background, such as psychology or social work, and real-world career experience, ideally in your industry or with your demographic (i.e. new MBA or executive woman).

    Your goals should also dictate the kind of coach you seek. "If you need to build your emotional intelligence, you should use a psychologist. If you want to present more effectively, talk to a communications expert," says Bill Berman, a New York-based corporate psychologist who does executive coaching and team development.

    Be wary of someone who tries to manipulate or use mind games, like asking for a $20,000 up-front commitment and when you demur, accusing you of not being committed to the process.

    Seek out a coach who is part of a community of coaches or has a mentor to rely upon; not only will that person have a reputation to uphold, she'll have someone to turn to for advice and consultation.

Your ground rules are unclear

    Another kiss of death is to be working with a coach without clear ground rules, payment expectations, and an expected timeframe. "You probably want a coach who can send you a contract so it's clearly specified what they are going to do and what the parameters of confidentiality are," Dattner says.

    Especially with a coach you first meet through your employer's benefits or professional development resources, you should be explicit about whether this is a relationship just between you and the coach, or one that includes your supervisor or the human resources department.