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七成办公室上班族称有工作伴侣,这种关系可能并不健康

ELEANOR PRINGLE
2024-10-22

在工作中交到了挚友?最好不要称呼对方是工作伴侣。

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图片来源:SOLA DEO GLORIA—GETTY IMAGES

职场双人搭档并不新鲜,事实上,他们成功的案例人尽皆知。例如蝙蝠侠和罗宾、夏洛克和华生或者马里奥和路易吉等。然而,员工对于这种重要关系的定义正在发生变化。

近几年,“工作妻子”或“工作丈夫”这类说法变得日益流行,以至于最近有一项研究显示,七成的办公室上班族声称有一位“工作伴侣”。

对英国办公室上班族的研究发现,在2,000名受访者中,有72%表示有“工作伴侣”,即与他们关系亲密的同事。

但所谓的“工作伴侣”会延伸到职场以外。

由健康服务提供商Health Assured委托开展的研究发现,五分之一受访者表示,他们对工作伴侣的私人生活一清二楚,还有23%的受访者表示,在情感问题上,他们更信任自己的工作伙伴,而不是感情伴侣。

在工作中结交到知交好友并不是坏事,事实上,这是决定员工整体工作满意度的关键因素之一。

皮尤研究中心(Pew Research)去年发现,与同事和老板的关系是许多人工作中最积极的方面,这让他们在工作中的整体成就感更高。

但专家警告,工作中的密友将这种重要的友谊公开或者私下定义为“工作婚姻”,可能会暗示某种亲密关系,进而引发冲突和指责。

虽然这种俏皮的说法在朋友之间是简短的称呼,但对其他人来说可能是一个警告信号。

工作妻子或共享大脑?

杰西·肯特和科尼莉亚·霍尔夫鲍尔共事了近十年时间。

两人分别担任纽约公关公司Derring-Do的总裁和副总裁,他们不仅是亲密无间的好友,而且他们配合默契,以至于被人们形容两人“共享一个大脑”。

虽然两人似乎完全符合职场伴侣的所有特征,但肯特对《财富》杂志表示,他不会如此轻率地定义两人之间的关系,而是更准确地描述为“左膀右臂”或者“副手”。

肯特在约7年前创立了自己的公司,当时霍尔夫鲍尔是他招募的第一名员工。霍尔夫鲍尔表示,肯特可以信任她作为他的“第二大脑”。

肯特解释称:“我们就像是一个人。我们的客户都知道。因为我是公司的负责人,所以许多客户都会来找我,但我分身乏术。所以我告诉她们:‘为什么不去和科尼莉亚聊聊呢?她很清楚我的想法。我们的思考方式是相同的。’”

当肯特每个月需要前往外地照顾一位亲属时,两人之间毫无保留的信任变得更加重要。

肯特补充说:“科尼莉亚接手了我的所有客户和团队,让公司保持正常运行——我甚至无需过问。我和她在工作之外的私人关系,使公司变得更强大、更成功,也让我个人变得更强大、更成功。”

虽然两人之间的关系现在变得非常稳固,因此两人经常对彼此“直言不讳”,但肯特表示,他特别注意不让其他团队成员感到被疏远。

他说道:“如果没有团队的反馈,我就不会有现在的成就。”他们经常会安排一对一培训和反馈会议。他补充说:“否则,我个人和公司都不会得到成长。”

知道自己的角色

经常有研究发现,高质量的工作关系能够减轻员工的压力,进而提高工作效率。

伦敦国王商学院(King’s Business School)的阿曼达·琼斯博士解释称,与同事建立亲密关系的好处分两个方面,分别是工具性好处和情感性好处。

工具性好处是指,例如在工作中关系紧密的两个人,技能互补,因此效率更高。

琼斯博士对《财富》杂志解释称,实际好处更多与情感因素有关,例如培养更强大的社交人脉和建立团队等。

琼斯表示认为,在工作中无法获得这些实际好处,可能导致孤独和孤立,但她补充道,同事之间即使关系密切,也要有清晰的边界,以确保这种友谊不会变成相互依赖。

事实上,还有研究发现,职场友谊可以帮助人们度过经济困境,而且可能是让员工重新回到办公室的主要激励因素。

然而,琼斯博士补充说,过度亲密的关系可能影响一个人的客观性,导致人们容易过度工作。

此外,“如果在这种关系中存在权力差异,让人们很容易受到滥用权力的指控。这可能导致同事之间发生冲突、出现偏袒的指控甚至更糟糕的情况。”

琼斯博士补充说,归根结底,这种关系会成为帮助你职业发展的武器,还是阿喀琉斯之踵(弱点),取决于你是否清楚自己的职业和个人身份,并且不要让两者发生冲突。

她补充道:“如果你感觉在个人生活中的关系,因为你在职业生活中投入的专注和资源而受到破坏,这应该引起警惕。”

到底该如何称呼

西莉亚·摩尔教授对工作伴侣这种说法的担忧,有多个原因,而不只是因为它带有一些可能不准确的含义。

摩尔是一名来自伦敦帝国学院(Imperial College in London)的学者。她表示,可以预料社会上会出现一个用来描述亲密工作关系的短语。毕竟,我们会用专门的词汇来描述我们大多数重要的关系。

但她警告:“我们对于伴侣的普遍理解包含了排他性,这是与这个词汇有关的道德义务。因此,在职场使用这个词,就具有了排他性和特殊待遇的含义……这样称呼可能引发问题,在工作内外造成各种后果。”

在某些情况下,可以用“工作姐妹”或者“工作兄弟”来取代工作伴侣,因为后者经常带有强烈的情感含义。

摩尔教授表示,最简单的定义这种对职业有影响的关系的方式,是用它们本来的称呼来形容:“长期共事的同事”或者“共同管理客户的同事”等。(财富中文网)

译者:刘进龙

审校:汪皓

职场双人搭档并不新鲜,事实上,他们成功的案例人尽皆知。例如蝙蝠侠和罗宾、夏洛克和华生或者马里奥和路易吉等。然而,员工对于这种重要关系的定义正在发生变化。

近几年,“工作妻子”或“工作丈夫”这类说法变得日益流行,以至于最近有一项研究显示,七成的办公室上班族声称有一位“工作伴侣”。

对英国办公室上班族的研究发现,在2,000名受访者中,有72%表示有“工作伴侣”,即与他们关系亲密的同事。

但所谓的“工作伴侣”会延伸到职场以外。

由健康服务提供商Health Assured委托开展的研究发现,五分之一受访者表示,他们对工作伴侣的私人生活一清二楚,还有23%的受访者表示,在情感问题上,他们更信任自己的工作伙伴,而不是感情伴侣。

在工作中结交到知交好友并不是坏事,事实上,这是决定员工整体工作满意度的关键因素之一。

皮尤研究中心(Pew Research)去年发现,与同事和老板的关系是许多人工作中最积极的方面,这让他们在工作中的整体成就感更高。

但专家警告,工作中的密友将这种重要的友谊公开或者私下定义为“工作婚姻”,可能会暗示某种亲密关系,进而引发冲突和指责。

虽然这种俏皮的说法在朋友之间是简短的称呼,但对其他人来说可能是一个警告信号。

工作妻子或共享大脑?

杰西·肯特和科尼莉亚·霍尔夫鲍尔共事了近十年时间。

两人分别担任纽约公关公司Derring-Do的总裁和副总裁,他们不仅是亲密无间的好友,而且他们配合默契,以至于被人们形容两人“共享一个大脑”。

虽然两人似乎完全符合职场伴侣的所有特征,但肯特对《财富》杂志表示,他不会如此轻率地定义两人之间的关系,而是更准确地描述为“左膀右臂”或者“副手”。

肯特在约7年前创立了自己的公司,当时霍尔夫鲍尔是他招募的第一名员工。霍尔夫鲍尔表示,肯特可以信任她作为他的“第二大脑”。

肯特解释称:“我们就像是一个人。我们的客户都知道。因为我是公司的负责人,所以许多客户都会来找我,但我分身乏术。所以我告诉她们:‘为什么不去和科尼莉亚聊聊呢?她很清楚我的想法。我们的思考方式是相同的。’”

当肯特每个月需要前往外地照顾一位亲属时,两人之间毫无保留的信任变得更加重要。

肯特补充说:“科尼莉亚接手了我的所有客户和团队,让公司保持正常运行——我甚至无需过问。我和她在工作之外的私人关系,使公司变得更强大、更成功,也让我个人变得更强大、更成功。”

虽然两人之间的关系现在变得非常稳固,因此两人经常对彼此“直言不讳”,但肯特表示,他特别注意不让其他团队成员感到被疏远。

他说道:“如果没有团队的反馈,我就不会有现在的成就。”他们经常会安排一对一培训和反馈会议。他补充说:“否则,我个人和公司都不会得到成长。”

知道自己的角色

经常有研究发现,高质量的工作关系能够减轻员工的压力,进而提高工作效率。

伦敦国王商学院(King’s Business School)的阿曼达·琼斯博士解释称,与同事建立亲密关系的好处分两个方面,分别是工具性好处和情感性好处。

工具性好处是指,例如在工作中关系紧密的两个人,技能互补,因此效率更高。

琼斯博士对《财富》杂志解释称,实际好处更多与情感因素有关,例如培养更强大的社交人脉和建立团队等。

琼斯表示认为,在工作中无法获得这些实际好处,可能导致孤独和孤立,但她补充道,同事之间即使关系密切,也要有清晰的边界,以确保这种友谊不会变成相互依赖。

事实上,还有研究发现,职场友谊可以帮助人们度过经济困境,而且可能是让员工重新回到办公室的主要激励因素。

然而,琼斯博士补充说,过度亲密的关系可能影响一个人的客观性,导致人们容易过度工作。

此外,“如果在这种关系中存在权力差异,让人们很容易受到滥用权力的指控。这可能导致同事之间发生冲突、出现偏袒的指控甚至更糟糕的情况。”

琼斯博士补充说,归根结底,这种关系会成为帮助你职业发展的武器,还是阿喀琉斯之踵(弱点),取决于你是否清楚自己的职业和个人身份,并且不要让两者发生冲突。

她补充道:“如果你感觉在个人生活中的关系,因为你在职业生活中投入的专注和资源而受到破坏,这应该引起警惕。”

到底该如何称呼

西莉亚·摩尔教授对工作伴侣这种说法的担忧,有多个原因,而不只是因为它带有一些可能不准确的含义。

摩尔是一名来自伦敦帝国学院(Imperial College in London)的学者。她表示,可以预料社会上会出现一个用来描述亲密工作关系的短语。毕竟,我们会用专门的词汇来描述我们大多数重要的关系。

但她警告:“我们对于伴侣的普遍理解包含了排他性,这是与这个词汇有关的道德义务。因此,在职场使用这个词,就具有了排他性和特殊待遇的含义……这样称呼可能引发问题,在工作内外造成各种后果。”

在某些情况下,可以用“工作姐妹”或者“工作兄弟”来取代工作伴侣,因为后者经常带有强烈的情感含义。

摩尔教授表示,最简单的定义这种对职业有影响的关系的方式,是用它们本来的称呼来形容:“长期共事的同事”或者“共同管理客户的同事”等。(财富中文网)

译者:刘进龙

审校:汪皓

Workplace duos aren’t a new phenomenon—in fact, they’re famously successful. Just ask Batman and Robin, Sherlock and Watson, or Mario and Luigi. However, how employees are defining these crucial relationships is changing.

In recent years, the terms ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’ have become increasingly prevalent—so much so that a recent study found that seven in ten people in office jobs claim to have a ‘work spouse’.

A study of British office workers found that 72% of 2,000 people surveyed said they had a ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’—a term they would use to describe someone with whom they shared a close bond.

But a so-called work spouse goes beyond the walls of the office.

Research commissioned by health and wellbeing provider Health Assured found that a fifth of respondents say they know everything about their work spouse’s personal life, and a further 23% said they’d rather confide in their work partner than their romantic partner about emotional issues.

Having a close friend at work is no bad thing—in fact it’s one of the key factors in determining an employee’s general job satisfaction.

Pew Research found last year that relationships with coworkers and bosses was the most positive aspects of many people’s roles, leading to a higher overall job fulfillment.

But experts warn that by defining these important friendships as ‘work marriages’—either publicly or between themselves—duos are signaling connotations that can spiral into conflicts and accusations.

While the quirky phrase might be shorthand between pals, it’s a red flag for everyone else.

Work wife or shared brain?

Jesse Kent and Cornelia Holvbauer have worked together for the best part of a decade.

As president and VP of New York-based PR firm Derring-Do respectively, the pair aren’t just close friends but also work so seamlessly together they’re told they “share a brain.”

While the duo would seemingly tick every box for the work spouse moniker, Kent tells Fortune he would never define the relationship so flippantly—instead sticking to the more accurate descriptors of “right hand” or “number two.”

Holvbauer was Kent’s first hire when he launched his firm nearly seven years ago and says he can rely on her as his “second brain.”

He explained: “We’re very much the same person and our clients understand that. A lot of clients ask for me because I lead the company, but I can’t be everywhere all at once. So I say to them: ‘Why don’t you chat with Cornelia because she knows everything that I’m thinking? She thinks the same way that I will.'”

The duo’s implicit trust became all the more paramount when Kent found himself traveling across the country on a monthly basis to care for a relative.

“Cornelia stepped in with all of my clients and the team to hold everything together—I didn’t even have to ask,” Kent added. “Having that personal relationship with her outside of work has made the company stronger and more successful, and me as a person stronger and more successful.”

While the relationship with Holvbauer is now so established the pair can often be “blunt” with each other, Kent said he was conscious not to alienate other team members.

“I wouldn’t be where I am without feedback from my team,” he said. One-to-one training and feedback sessions are scheduled consistently, he added: “Otherwise I wouldn’t have grown as a person or as a company.”

Know your role

Studies have often found that high-quality work relationships can result in reduced stress among staff and, as a result, greater productivity.

The benefits of close relationships with colleagues can be split into two areas, instrumental and effective, explained Dr Amanda Jones of King’s Business School in London.

Instrumental benefits are, for example, a work duo whose skills complement each other and thus are more productive as a result.

Effective benefits are more emotional factors, Dr Jones explained to Fortune, like forging strong social networks and building teams.

Not having access to these effective benefits could result in loneliness and isolation at work, Dr Jones continued, but added close colleagues needed to set clear boundaries to make sure these friendships don’t become co-dependent.

Indeed, studies have also found work friendships can get individuals through economic upset and could be a major motivator in getting staff back into the office.

Yet overly close relationships can get in the way of one’s objectivity, Dr Jones added, making people vulnerable to overworking.

Additionally: “If there’s a power differential in that relationship, it leaves people very open to accusations of abuse of power. It can lead to conflict between colleagues, accusations of kind of favoritism or even something worse than that.”

Ultimately whether these relationships become a weapon in your professional armory or an Achilles heel comes down to knowing your professional and personal roles, Dr Jones added, and not letting the two conflict.

“If you feel your relationships in your personal life are becoming damaged by the amount of attention and resource you’re giving to the other roles, that’s probably a red flag,” she added.

What to call it

Professor Celia Moore is concerned about the work spouse phrasing for several reasons, not least because it has a raft of connotations that may not be accurate.

The academic at Imperial College in London said it’s to be expected that society would coin a phrase to describe a close working partnership. After all, we do it with most of our significant relationships.

But she cautioned: “A common understanding of spouse involves exclusivity—that’s the moral imperative associated with that term. So, using the term in a workplace then has a bunch of connotations of exclusivity and special privilege … [it] can be very problematic, [and have] consequences both in work and outside of work.”

In some cases the phrase ‘work sister’ or ‘work brother’ have been proposed as an alternative for work spouse, a phrase which equally carries weighty emotional connotations.

Professor Moore said the easiest way to define these career-making relationships is to simply call them what they are: “Colleagues who have worked together for a long time” or “colleagues who manage clients together.”

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