亲爱的安妮：我是一名资深软件专家，在本行业拥有数十年的工作经验。但是，我的老板依然不信任我，他一直不让我参与公司的决策。他曾经当过军官，所以，实际上，他对我就像对他以前手下的士兵一样。

    为了跟上技术发展的速度，我一直在不断提升自己的技能。而且，在我的专业领域，我的知识远比他的丰富。但是，他总是把我的“带宽”限制在他能理解的范围内，这根本无法发挥我的潜力。他总是忽略我的技术意见，团队为此已经付出过代价。我希望他能放宽要求，即使不能与他平起平坐，起码要把我当作资深团队成员来看待。我该怎么做？——敢怒不敢言者

    亲爱的“敢怒不敢言者”：你遇到的问题，应该包括两个相对独立的方面——首先是你老板采取的自上而下、指挥+控制型的管理模式；其次，他的知识不如你的渊博。我们先来看第一个问题。

    贡扎格•杜福尔认为，在面对难以相处的上司时（大多数人都曾有这样的经历），任何人都有三个基本选择：“限制痛苦，瞄准收益，或者离开。”

    贡扎格•杜福尔在其新著《搞定你的上司：如何成功地与各种老板相处》（Managing Your Manager: How to Get Ahead with Any Type of Boss）一书中，列出了六类“魔鬼老板”，这些老板会破坏你的职业生涯；而本书提供的一些实用策略，会帮助你将这些损害降到最低，当然，更不用说你的血压了。

    杜福尔曾在菲利普莫里斯公司（Philip Morris）、卡夫公司（Kraft）以及其他大型公司长期担任人力资源主管。目前，他在百加得（Bacardi）公司负责行政管理人员的招聘与培训。他表示，之所以会写这本书，是因为“在过去30年里，我被无数次问到这个问题：‘我该怎么跟这位让人难以忍受的老板打交道？’”

    在书中，他也提到了自己遇到过的差劲老板，其中包括一位“精明、善解人意，却不具备决策能力”的老板；还有一位老板，“他非常善于往上爬，这在很大程度上是因为，他同样善于在事情搞砸的时候，把责任推给别人。”他回忆道，有时候，在不得不跟令人恼火的上司相处时，“我感觉我们就像是一对感情破裂的夫妻。”

    针对你的特殊情况，杜福尔建议你尝试下面五种方法：

    1.限制痛苦，瞄准收益。确认为这个人工作只是“一项临时任务。你可以设定一个能够忍受这项任务的极限。并且，利用好这段时间，让自己将来更吃香。”比如说，你决定可以再忍受一年（假设你老板的任期有那么长）。杜福尔表示：“你需要从这份工作中收获什么，来为自己的职业发展提供帮助？如果你很清楚这点，那就去努力争取吧。既然你有积极的理由，那么你一定可以坚持到最后。”

    2.不要“临时通知”。杜福尔指出，专横的老板，甚至大多数人，都不喜欢被“临时通知”。“因此，任何重大的，甚至相对不重要的进展，都要及时告诉他们。他们渴望控制与权力，既然如此，那就给他们一点信息，满足他们的渴望。”

    3.为你的团队担任中间人的角色。如果你还没能做到这一点，杜福尔建议你，首先获得团队成员的信任，然后向老板传达团队成员的疑问以及他们的需求。杜福尔表示：“或许，这会让你有些担忧，毕竟这意味着，你必须向老板汇报一些他可能不想听的事。但是，这么做对于改善你的处境是有利的，所以值得。”

    4.拒绝做“好好先生”。尽管许多人会对专横的老板让步，只挑他喜欢的话说，并且严格地执行他的所有命令，但杜福尔却认为“这是一个重大错误” 。相反，你应该“一直等着，直到你确信，你的老板犯了一个重大错误”——一个将危及他的既定目标的错误——“或者，直到你想出一个更好的主意，并且你对此信心满满。”

    然后，找出简洁的、符合逻辑的理由来证明你的方法：“强调积极的结果。把重点放在按照你说的做他能获得什么这一点上。”如果你已经做过类似尝试，坚持下去：“事先预演你的论据，并且你要保证，以一种清晰、理性地方式进行陈述”——不要自以为他在技术上懂得没你多，就表现出哪怕是一丝一毫的傲慢态度。有时候，问题并不在于你说的话，而是你说话的方式。

    5.做老板不喜欢做的工作。杜福尔发现，总体上而言，指挥+控制型老板“不喜欢耗时太长的辩论和讨论，而且他们也不擅于应付各种‘人的问题’。”所以，你可以考虑把这个变成你的专长（再说，这对你自己的长期职业发展前景也不会造成任何危害。）

    杜福尔表示，补充老板软技能的缺失，“不见得会让他心存感激。实际上，由于你有能力做到他做不到的事情，他可能会对你心存嫉恨。”不过，即便是专制的老板，他们也极少会不知道，忽视“人的问题”最终会损害他们自己的职业发展前景，而杜福尔表示，这是“他们难以忍受的。”

    对于你的第二个问题，即你感觉你的老板对技术不够精通：如何保证不让他的缺点阻碍你的发展，这完全取决于你。如果你还没有开始这么做，杜福尔建议你，发展一个专业的领域，然后开始在整个公司内建立一个人际网络。

    他表示：“与尽可能多的人结成同盟，从人力资源部到其他技术领域，包括后勤人员。关键是要让所有人都知道，你是某个特定领域的达人。这样一来，你名声的好坏和职业的兴衰就不会仅仅，或者主要取决于老板一个人的意志。”

    杜福尔指出，即便是为最优秀的老板工作，“你也要突出自己，否则你会错过许多机会。”谁知道呢，如果哪天你能有幸被正确的人相中，你可能得到快速提升，并摆脱这个家伙的控制——而到那时，他就是别人的麻烦了。

    Dear Annie:I am a senior software specialist with decades of experience. Yet the manager I'm working for still doesn't trust me and won't grant me any decision-making flexibility. In fact, he treats me like one of the enlisted men who worked for him in his previous career in the military.

    I've consistently kept my skills up to date through multiple technology evolutions, and my knowledge of my field is far superior to his. Nevertheless, he limits my "bandwidth" to what he understands, which is nowhere near my potential. As a team, we've paid the price for his ignoring my technical advice. How can I get him to loosen up and treat me like a senior team member, if not an equal? —Seething in Silence

    Dear Seething:Yikes. It sounds like you have two separate problems here -- your manager's top-down, command-and-control management style, and the fact that he seems to know less than you do. Let's start with the first one.

    Anybody reporting to a difficult person (which includes most of us, at one time or another), has three basic choices, says Gonzague Dufour: "Limit the pain, target the gain, or leave."

    In a new book, Managing Your Manager: How to Get Ahead with Any Type of Boss, he identifies six broad types of "bosses from hell" and offers practical strategies for minimizing the damage they can do to your career, not to mention your blood pressure.

    Dufour, a longtime HR chief at Philip Morris (PM), Kraft (KFT), and other large companies, now runs executive recruiting and development at Bacardi. He wrote the book because "I've been asked hundreds of times over the past 30 years, 'How can I deal with this impossible boss?'" he says.

    He also reported to a few bad bosses himself, including one who was "smart, empathetic, and incapable of making a decision," and another who was "skilled at getting promoted in large part because he was equally skilled at blaming others when things went wrong." At times, he recalls, while having to work closely with a maddening higher-up, "I felt we were the equivalent of a dysfunctional married couple."

    In your particular situation, Dufour suggests trying these five steps:

    1.Limit the pain, target the gain.Recognize that working for this person is "a temporary assignment. You can set limits on how long you'll tolerate it, and use the time to make yourself more marketable." Let's say you decide you can take one more year of this (assuming your boss sticks around that long). "If you figure out what you need to get out of the job to help your career, and go after it, you have a positive incentive to serve out that term," Dufour says.

    2.Avoid surprises.Autocrats, even more than most people, "hate to be blindsided," Dufour notes. "Therefore, keep them informed of significant, and even relatively insignificant, developments. They crave control and power, so feeding them tidbits of information satisfies this craving."

    3.Be the go-between for your team.If you haven't already taken on this role, Dufour recommends that you earn the trust of other members of your group and be the one who communicates their problems and needs to the boss. "This can be intimidating, since it means telling him things he might not want to hear," Dufour says, "but the tradeoff of elevated status is worth it."

    4.Refuse to be a "yes man."Although many people try to appease an autocrat by telling him exactly what he wants to hear and following every order to the letter, "this is a huge mistake," Dufour says. Instead, "wait until you're convinced your manager is making a huge mistake" -- one that will jeopardize his own stated goals -- "or until you come up with a better idea that you truly believe in."

    Then, make a concise, logical case for your approach: "Emphasize the positive outcome. Focus on what your boss will get out of doing as you suggest." If you've already tried this, keep at it: "Rehearse your argument beforehand and make sure you are stating it clearly and rationally" -- and without a trace of condescension for his (alleged) lack of technical knowledge. Sometimes, of course, it's not what you say that can trip you up, it's how you say it.

    5.Do the tasks your boss dislikes.In general, command-and-control bosses "don't enjoy extended debate and discussion, and they aren't adept at dealing with any type of 'people problem'," Dufour observes. So consider making that your specialty (which will do no harm to your own long-term career prospects either, incidentally).

    Helping your boss compensate for his lack of soft skills "won't earn you thanks. In fact, he may resent your ability to do something he can't," notes Dufour. However, even autocrats are rarely so oblivious that they don't know, deep down, that ignoring "people problems" will eventually damage their own professional prospects -- and that, says Dufour, "is one thing they can't stomach."

    Now, about your second issue, to wit, your perception that your boss's technical knowledge isn't up to snuff: It's up to you to make sure his shortcomings don't hold you back. If you haven't already started doing so, Dufour urges you to develop an area of expertise and then get busy building a network all over the company.

    "Create alliances with as many different people as you can, from human resources to other technical areas to support staff," he says. "The point is to become widely known as the 'go-to' person for a particular thing, so that your reputation and your career do not depend solely, or even mainly, on the good will of this one boss."

    Even if you worked for the world's most fabulous manager, "you need to be visible, or you'll miss out on opportunities," Dufour points out. Get noticed by just one of the right people and who knows: You could get promoted out from under this guy sooner than you think -- and then he'll be somebody else's problem.