亲爱的安妮：我以前一直在漫不经心地寻找新工作，但现在我下定决心要换工作了。最近，在我供职的律师事务所，因为一桩案子的最终审判期临近，导致我不得不在办公室里度过母亲节。这件事让我的忍耐达到了极限，并促使我最终做出了这个决定。

    四年前，从法学院毕业后，我便获得了这份工作。聘用我的合伙人当时对我保证，我会有灵活的工作时间，并且可以在晚上和周末回家看我儿子——那时候他只有两岁。但事实却并非如此。我相信，在保证工作与生活的平衡这方面，事务所的意图是好的，但是在紧急关头，这里所有人都在夜以继日地工作，“早”（比如晚上9点）离开一会儿就是对团队的背叛。

    我知道，在网上有许多关于家庭友好型公司的信息，但是我怎么能知道那些信息是否属实呢？我将要有第二个孩子了，我希望在选择下一位老板的时候，不要再犯同样的错误——曾经的受伤者

    亲爱的OB：可能你也知道，有许多人跟你的经历是一样的。美国劳工统计局（Bureau of Labor Statistics）的统计数字显示，孩子在18岁以下的女性中，大约有四分之三（71%）正扮演着职业女性的角色，其中许多职业女性的孩子很小：六岁以下孩子的妈妈中，64%在外工作；对于孩子在一岁以下的妈妈群体来说，这一比例为57%。

    所以，许多公司宣传他们会努力满足父母的需要，并把这一点作为招聘和留住人才的福利。而且，你会发现，在这方面拥有一流信誉的公司，很容易就能找到。

    例如，《财富》杂志（Fortune）推出的年度最佳公司（Best Companies）榜单中，列出了重视工作与生活平衡的十佳雇主。《职业妇女》杂志（Working Mother）将远程办公、弹性工时和工作分担等特殊待遇作为评选根据，列出了一份25年来最佳家庭友好型雇主的榜单。在这25年间，IBM与强生公司（Johnson & Johnson）年年榜上有名。

    这是个非常好的现象。但是，跟大多数事情一样，家庭友好也是相对的，请别介意我这么说。比如：就在上周，职场网站Glassdoor.com公布了一份投票结果，选出了美国25家注重工作与生活平衡的最佳雇主。前三名分别是：雀巢普瑞纳宠物食品公司（Nestle Purina PetCare）、迈特公司（MITRE）和SAS研究所（SAS Institute）。

    但即使在这胜出的25家公司中，也有迹象表明，父母——尤其是新生儿妈妈们的处境——可能会非常艰难。例如，玻璃门网站（Glassdoor）调查发现，每10名雇员中，仅有一人表示，在孩子出生或收养孩子后，他们可以选择逐步返回到工作中来。

    在整个就业市场——尤其是经济衰退引发失业浪潮的背景下——要找到一家真正的家庭友好型公司，就像大海捞针一样困难。

    求职网站简单就业网（SimplyHired）首席营销官丹尼尔•格林伯格表示，许多公司都知道，求职者想要办公室以外的生活，因此，公司会在发布招聘信息时进行相应的措辞。

    格林伯格表示，从2009年以来，简单就业网发现，包含“弹性工作”的招聘广告数量增加了100%，而提及远程办公的招聘广告数量则激增了166%。

    格林伯格还表示，简单就业网的分析显示，即便如此，在网站上的530万份美国职位列表中（全球为800万份），“仅有5.4%的工作对妈妈友好”。为了帮助你，以及其他有相同情况的求职者锁定这些工作，该网站开发了一种计算方法，通过解析包含“家庭友好型”等关键字的招聘广告，创建一个快捷工具，帮助你缩小搜索范围，从中挑选适合自己的职位。

    不过，简单就业网最显著的特点，是一个标签为“我都认识什么人？”的链接，它被链接到人际关系网（Linkedln）和脸谱网（Facebook），并根据你的社交媒体联系人，给出他们所在公司的招聘职位。

    格林伯格表示，要想真正了解一家公司到底多重视雇员的家庭生活， “目前正在这家公司就职的员工，才是最可靠的信息来源。”毕竟，任何人都可以在广告中打出“弹性工作”招牌。但是，如果人际关系网上的熟人告诉你，她已经几个月没能准时回家哄孩子睡觉了，那你就得悠着点儿了。

    此外，格林伯格还为你提出两条建议。首先，如果你还没有这么做过，你可以试着和你现在公司的上级坐下来，跟他表达你对工作负荷的不满。他表示：“能否获得弹性工作时间，部分取决于你在公司的地位。‘明星’拥有更大的影响力。但是通常情况下，直言不讳还是值得一试。”

    格林伯格还表示，在开始全面找工作之前，“试着想想其他办法”。“老板们非常重视有经验的人，除非迫不得已，否则他们是不会轻易找人来替换你的。所以，相对于投奔一个完全陌生的新东家，不如与你现在的公司进行磋商，获得工作与生活的平衡，或许这会更容易。而且在新地方，至少在开始的时候，你需要花很长时间来证明自己。”

    格林伯格给出的第二条建议是，在试探潜在雇主关于弹性工作的看法时，要注意你的措辞：“不要直接问长时间工作的问题。你绝对不想给人留下职业道德缺乏的印象。但是，你可以问一下公司文化，尤其是正常工作日通常需要承担哪些工作任务。”另外，不妨邀请一两个潜在同事，与他们进行非正式会面（或吃午餐，离开办公室），借机看看能否对公司有更深的了解。

    还有一个问题：你并没有提到，你是否在考虑跳槽到另外一家律师事务所，还是扩大搜索范围，尝试一下其他行业。一些律师事务所确实可以保证工作和生活的平衡，在这里给你推荐一个很好的信息来源：“当工作奏效时（When Work Works）”，这是一家导航网站，通过它，你可以了解美国家庭与工作协会（Families and Work Institute）和人力资源管理协会（Society for Human Resource Management）推荐的家庭友好型雇主。

    不过，有一些传统的律师事务所，它们的日程总是排的满满的，因而臭名昭著。你或许应该尽量扩大职位搜索范围，寻找一些其他的公司。我曾经在这里提到过的一本好书，或许可以给你一些启发，就是由黛博拉•亚伦所著的《法学毕业生能做什么？律师非传统职业指南》（What Can You Do With a Law Degree?: A Lawyer's Guide to Career Alternatives Inside, Outside, & Around the Law.）。

    祝你好运！

    Dear Annie:I was half-heartedly looking for a new job, but now I'm stepping up my search. The last straw was spending Mother's Day at the office, because of looming trial deadlines at the law firm where I work.

    When I took this job right out of law school four years ago, the partner who hired me assured me that I'd have flexible hours and would be able to get home to see my son -- who was two years old at the time -- in the evenings and on weekends. It hasn't worked out that way. I believe the firm's intentions are good regarding work-life balance, but when push comes to shove, everyone here works around the clock, and ducking out "early" (say, 9 p.m.) means letting the team down.

    I know there is lots of information online about family-friendly companies, but how do I know it's accurate? I'm expecting a second child, and I'd like to avoid making the same mistake again in choosing my next employer.— Once Burned

    Dear OB:As you may know, you've got plenty of company. Nearly three-quarters (71%) of women with kids under 18 are in the workforce now, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, and many of them have small children: 64% of moms with children under six years old are working outside the home, as are 57% of women with infants under a year old.

    It's no wonder, then, that many companies see promoting their efforts to accommodate parents as a boon to recruiting and retaining talent and, as you note, the ones with stellar reputations in this regard are pretty easy to find.

    For instance, Fortune's own annual Best Companies list features a ranking of the 10 best employers for work-life balance. Working Mother magazine has been publishing a yearly list of the most family-friendly employers for 25 years, taking into account such perks as telecommuting, flextime, and job sharing. Two companies, IBM (IBM) and Johnson & Johnson (JNJ), have made that list every year for the full quarter century.

    Great, but like most things, family-friendliness is relative, if you'll pardon the pun. Consider: Just last week, career site Glassdoor.com came out with the results of a poll identifying the best 25 U.S. employers for work-life balance. The top three: Nestle Purina PetCare, MITRE, and SAS Institute.

    Yet even among those 25 winners, there are signs that parents -- especially new moms -- may be struggling. Only one in 10 employees in Glassdoor's survey, for example, reported that they have the option to return to work gradually after childbirth or adoption.

    In the job market as a whole -- particularly since the recession, with its attendant waves of layoffs -- finding a truly family-friendly spot can be like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack.

    Daniel Greenberg, chief marketing officer at job-search portal SimplyHired, notes that many companies know job hunters want a life outside the office, and have worded their job postings accordingly.

    Since 2009, Greenberg says, SimplyHired has seen a 100% jump in the number of job ads containing the word "flexibility," and a 166% leap in those mentioning telecommuting.

    Even so, SimplyHired's analysis shows that, of the 5.3 million U.S. job listings currently on the site (8 million worldwide), "only about 5.4% are mom-friendly," says Greenberg. To help people like you pinpoint those jobs, the site developed algorithms that work in part by parsing job ads for family-friendly keywords and created a handy tool that allows you to narrow your search to just those jobs.

    The most telling feature on SimplyHired, though, is a link labeled "Who do I know?" that connects to LinkedIn and Facebook and shows a list of job postings at companies where you already have social-media contacts.

    "Current employees are the most reliable source of information" for getting the straight skinny on how family-friendly an employer really is, Greenberg notes. Anybody can toss the word "flexibility" into a job ad, after all, but if someone you know on LinkedIn tells you she hasn't been home in time to tuck her kids into bed in months, beware.

    Beyond that, Greenberg has a couple of suggestions for you. First, if you haven't already done so, try sitting down with higher-ups at your firm and expressing your dissatisfaction with your workload. "Getting more flexibility depends partly on your status in the company. "Stars" have more leverage. But in general, directness is worth a try," he says.

    Before you embark on a full-scale job search, "try to work something out," Greenberg adds. "Employers really value experienced people, and they would rather not have to replace you. So it may be a lot easier to negotiate more work-life balance where you are now than to go somewhere else where no one knows you -- and where you may end up putting in long hours, at least at first, to prove yourself."

    And second, in sounding out prospective employers for flexibility, Greenberg adds, choose your words with care: "Tread lightly on asking directly about long hours. You don't want to give the impression that your work ethic is lacking. But it is okay to ask about the company culture and especially about what a typical work day entails." It also couldn't hurt to request an informal meeting (maybe over lunch, away from the office) with a potential coworker or two, just to see what insights you can gather.

    One more thought: You don't mention whether you're contemplating moving to another law firm or broadening your search to include other kinds of companies. When it comes to work-life balance, a few law firms do get it. A good source of detailed information about some of them: "When Work Works," a guide to family-friendly employers from the Families and Work Institute and the Society for Human Resource Management.

    Neveretheless, you might do better to cast your job search net as widely as possible, looking way beyond traditional law firms with their notoriously grueling schedules. A great book I've mentioned in this space before that might help spark some ideas for you is Deborah Arron's What Can You Do With a Law Degree?: A Lawyer's Guide to Career Alternatives Inside, Outside, & Around the Law.

    Good luck!