亲爱的安妮：我正在向一家软件公司求职，这是一份我梦寐以求的工作。到目前为止，我已经通过了电话面试和技术资格筛选，接下来就是现场面试了。我从商务社交网站LinkedIn上面搜索了一下招聘经理的情况，发现我面试当天恰好是他的生日。如果我在面试的时候，跟他说声“生日快乐”，可以吗？又或者，这会表明我在调查这个人，反而显得古怪？我想，要是再带一张生日贺卡那就太过分了，是吗？——好奇君

    亲爱的好奇君：这是个很有趣的问题。道格•谢德说道：“我的第一反应就是，‘为什么不能祝生日快乐呢？’毕竟，既然这位招聘经理把自己的出生日期放到LinkedIn的个人资料中，那就是公开信息。所以，就算提到它又能有什么坏处？”道格•谢德是招聘公司WinterWyman的首席顾问。

    当然，如今每个人都会用谷歌搜索，查看彼此在LinkedIn和Facebook上的个人资料，人们很容易就能找到其他人的大量信息。高管求职网站TheLadders.com的一份最新调查显示，62%的求职者在与面试官见面之前都会进行仔细的研究，只有35%的求职者仅仅调查公司情况。谢德称：“不会有面试官因为你查看他或她的LinkedIn个人资料而感到吃惊。相反，他们反而会非常期待你这么做。”

    但经过仔细考虑之后，谢德表示，由于一个许多求职者都会忽视的问题，还是跳过生日祝福这个环节为好。他进一步说解释说：“求职面试与你和其他任何人进行的普通对话不同，因为求职面试牵扯到法律问题。根据法律规定，有些话题是面试官的‘雷区’。如果你主动提起这样的话题，可能会让招聘经理陷入尴尬的境地。”

    面试官会尽量绕开年龄问题，此外还有人种、种族、宗教、婚姻或家庭状况，在个别情况下还包括性取向等。因此，求职者也应该避免提及这些话题。此外，谢德补充道：“有些人并不喜欢生日。他们反而希望，不要有人提醒他要过生日了。”

    但与此同时，最成功的求职面试往往是那些能够产生一些私人接触的面试。技巧就是，找到一个与受法律保护信息不相干的话题，不过要找到这样的话题，通常并不容易。

    比如，假设一位面试官的办公室里贴满了孩子的照片，而他们恰好与你的孩子年龄相仿。这时，你可能会说：“好可爱的孩子！”但你最好就此打住。因为，求职者有几个孩子，或孩子多大，这些问题在通常情况下是禁止面试官提及的。理论上来讲，这些问题的答案可能影响面试官对于求职者能否全身心投入工作的判断。所以，何必主动交代呢？

    那么，面试时，哪些私人话题是可以提到的呢？谢德指出：“别忘了，任何一名招聘经理都在想：‘如果让我每天跟这个人一起工作，我会高兴吗？’所以，求职者可以尽量寻找一些共同点，使面试官在公事之外，还能与自己产生一些联系。但仅限于一些中性话题，比如你们都喜欢的体育队。”如果你们恰好来自同一个州，上过同一所大学，隶属同一个行业协会，或者有共同的熟人，这些也可以作为闲聊的话题。

    Dear Annie: I am applying for my dream job with a software company. So far, I've made it past the phone interview and a technical competency screening, and the next step is an in-person interview. I looked up this hiring manager on LinkedIn and noticed that we will be meeting on the interviewer's birthday. Would it be okay to say "happy birthday"? Or would it be weird to reveal that I've been researching this person? I'm assuming that bringing a card to the interview would be overkill, or would it? — Curious

    Dear Curious: Interesting question. "My first reaction was, 'why not say happy birthday?'" says Doug Schade, a principal consultant at recruiting and staffing firm WinterWyman. "After all, if the hiring manager put his or her date of birth on a LinkedIn profile, it's public information. So what harm could it do to mention it?"

    Of course, with everyone Googling everyone else these days, and checking out each other's LinkedIn and Facebook profiles, it's easier than it's ever been to gather lots of details about people. A new poll from executive job board TheLadders.com says that 62% of job seekers study up on interviewers before meeting them, while just 35% research only the company. "No interviewer is likely to be surprised that you've looked up his or her LinkedIn profile," Schade says. "In fact, it's expected."

    Still, on second thought, Schade recommends skipping the birthday wishes. The reason is one that he says many job seekers overlook. "A job interview is different from an ordinary conversation that you might have with anyone else, because it is hemmed around with legal issues," Schade notes. "Certain topics are off-limits for an interviewer, by law. If you bring up any of them, you risk putting that hiring manager in an awkward position."

    Age is among the factors -- along with race, ethnicity, religion, marital or family status and, in some places, sexual orientation -- that interviewers have to steer clear of, so job candidates should, too. "Besides, some people don't like birthdays," Schade adds. "They'd prefer not to be reminded that they're having one."

    At the same time, the most successful job interviews are those that spark some personal connection. The trick is to find one that's unrelated to anything protected by law, and that's not always easy.

    For instance, let's say an interviewer has photos of his kids all over his office, and they happen to look about the same age as yours. You might remark, "Cute kids!" but you'd be wise to leave it at that. Since interviewers generally aren't allowed to ask you how many children you have or how old they are -- on the theory that the answers could affect their perception of how distracted (or not) you might be as an employee -- don't volunteer the information.

    So what kinds of personal stuff are okay to bring up? "Don't forget, any hiring manager is wondering, 'Would I enjoy working with this person every day?'" Schade points out. "So try to find some common ground, where you connect with the interviewer in some way beyond just business. But keep it to neutral topics like a sports team you both follow." If by chance you grew up in the same state, went to the same college, belong to the same trade association, or have mutual acquaintances, those are all fine fodder for small talk, too.