亲爱的安妮：自从2010年底丢了工作后，我就一直靠自己的积蓄和一点遗产度日。虽然我也没闲着，一直在做一些咨询项目和志愿者工作，但我真的需要找一份全职工作。我总是听人说，利用自己的职业人脉求职远胜过看招聘广告投简历，从我过去的工作经验来看，我知道这话说的没错。

    我的问题是，我真的很犹豫要不要再联系那些已经很多年没见过面或通过话的前同事和其他熟人。如今再请他们帮忙似乎是个非分的要求。迄今为止，我一直强迫自己不管怎样还是这么做了。但当我联系这些人，问他们是否知道什么消息，随便什么都行，大家通常都很不自在，说不了几句就会陷入沉默。是我在处理人脉上不得要领吗？——榆木疙瘩

    亲爱的榆木疙瘩：你真的在问别人是否知道“随便什么信息”吗？如果是，这可能是你犯下的第一个错误。“究竟什么是人脉求职，对此有很多误解，”从业多年的职业咨询师达雷尔•格尼表示，他也是《打破常规求职法》（Never Apply for a Job Again: Break the Rules, Cut the Line, Beat the Rest）一书的作者。

    “每次我在求职培训班上问人们，怎么看人脉求职，他们常常会说：‘联系我的业务联系人，让他们知道我在找工作，并问他们是否知道随便什么信息，’”格尼说。“问题是如果你问的是‘随便什么信息’，你得到的可能也是随便什么。”

    或者，正如你现在一样，一无所获。以下是人脉求职中常见的其他五大误区：

    1. 开门见山。“当然，你需要一份工作，”格尼说。“但在这方面，人脉求职有点像约会。如果你看上去很迫切，人们就会夺路而逃。”他建议求职者应着重关注自己最感兴趣的工作，然后搜集相关的信息。

    “想办法接触那些有知识经验的人，同他们交谈会更有成效，”格尼说。“‘我正在研究这个领域’和‘我需要一份工作’的感觉截然不同。”这样不仅能拓展人脉圈子，也有助于了解到更多的职位空缺信息，大大增加成功的机会，找到合适的职位的。格尼说：“假如你曾经在接手一项新工作后发现有太多信息自己都不了解，你就会知道这么做有多重要。”

    2. 完全依赖社交网站。毫无疑问，商务社交网站LinkedIn、Facebook这类网站在找工作时非常有用，但“它们仅仅是迈出第一步的工具，”格尼说。“你得离开电脑屏幕，与人交往。面对面会谈时会发生些不同的事情。”而且往往是很有帮助的事情。

    3. 忽视身边每天都遇到的人。格尼会在求职培训班上让人们带着任务出去午餐：“至少同三个陌生人交谈后才能回来。”当然，一开始要这样做可不容易。“但无论如何，工作面试也是这样，”格尼说。“在星巴克（Starbucks）咖啡店排队时站在你身后的那个人没准就是你未来雇主的小舅子。”

    Dear Annie: I've been living on my savings and a small inheritance since I lost my job in late 2010 and, while I've kept busy with some consulting projects and volunteer work, I really need to find a full-time position. I keep hearing that tapping my network of professional contacts is a far better approach than responding to ads and, based on my own experience in my past jobs, I know it's true.

    My problem is that I really hesitate to get in touch with former colleagues and other acquaintances I haven't seen or spoken with in years. It seems like an imposition. So far, I've been forcing myself to do it anyway. But when I contact people and ask if they know of anything, all that comes of it is a short, awkward conversation, followed by silence. Is there some secret to networking that I'm missing? — Stumped

    Dear Stumped: Are you really asking if people know of "anything"? If so, that may be your first mistake. "There are a lot of misconceptions about what networking really is," says Darrell Gurney, a longtime career coach and author of Never Apply for a Job Again: Break the Rules, Cut the Line, Beat the Rest.

    "In my job search workshops, when I ask people to tell me what they think networking is, they usually say, 'Getting in touch with my business contacts to let them know I'm looking for work and asking if they know of anything,'" says Gurney. "The trouble is that, if you ask for 'anything,' you just might get it."

    Or, as you've found, you'll get nowhere. Here are five other common networking errors:

    1. Leading with your need. "Of course you need a job," says Gurney. "But in this way, networking is a bit like dating. If you seem desperate, people will run the other way." Instead, he recommends taking stock of exactly what kind of work would fascinate and engage you most, and then launching an information-gathering campaign.

    "Find ways to approach people that call on their knowledge and expertise, and the conversations you have with them will be far more productive," Gurney says. "'I'm researching this field' has a whole different feel than 'I need a job.'" Not only will you make more connections and learn more about specific openings, but you'll vastly increase your chances of ending up in the right place. Says Gurney, "If you've ever taken a job without enough information about it beforehand, you know all too well why this matters."

    2. Relying exclusively on online social networks. There's no question that LinkedIn (LNKD), Facebook, and their ilk can be tremendously useful in a job hunt, but "they're a tool that is only a good first step," Gurney says. "You need to get away from the computer screen and connect with people. Different things happen when you meet with someone in person." They're often very helpful things.

    3. Overlooking the people you come across every day. In his job search workshops, Gurney sends people out to lunch with an assignment: "Don't come back until you've engaged in at least three conversations with strangers." Perhaps not surprisingly, this doesn't go over well at first. "Nevertheless, people get job interviews this way," Gurney says. "The guy standing in line next to you at Starbucks could be your next employer's brother-in-law."