亲爱的安妮：这是我第一次在现在这家公司过节。它也是我大学毕业后第一份“真正的”工作。我希望这个问题不是太傻，但是在大公司，人们一般都是怎么给老板和同事送节日礼物的？去年一整年，我都是在一家小型的家族公司里实习，人们彼此之间都很熟悉。圣诞节和光明节我们都相互送些小礼物，很有意思。但现在这家公司，一切都要正式得多，我不想在这个问题上搞砸了。我应该给老板送节日礼物吗？这会不会让我看起来像是在拍马屁？同事之间又该如何？这有没有什么惯例？——圣诞老人替身

    亲爱的替身：这个问题一点也不傻。“职场送礼如何把握分寸？这个问题对于大多数人来说可能都是一件难事，因为总有可能出现某种程度失礼，可能日后被找后账——或者至少你会担心出现这样的状况，”《妙解301个商务礼仪难题》（301 Smart Answers to Tough Business Etiquette Questions）一书的作者、个人品牌教练维姬•奥利弗称。“比方说，假设办公室同事在她桌上放了一个装饰有蝴蝶结丝带的小盒子。如果这是给你准备的，而你没有给她准备任何东西，该怎么办？假设这不是给你准备的，该怎么办？你应当给她送点什么吗？如果要送，应当花多少钱？

    为了避免这样的两难境地，在很多公司里，那些只限于同事关系的员工之间往往会互祝“节日快乐”，仅此而已。希望你所在的公司也是这样。“送礼这件事在不同的企业文化中差异非常大，”奥利弗说。“因此，最好的办法是问问已经在那里工作了几年、你比较信赖的同事，人们通常怎么做。然后，照样做就是了。”

    奥利弗补充说，通常“不必给所有共事的人送礼物，除非你工作的办公室里只有5名或更少的员工，这种情况下如果只有一个人没有礼物，会伤害他或她的感情。但是，如果有一位同事今年给了你特别大的帮助，送上卡片和小礼物表示感谢是完全恰当的行为，哪怕你没有对其他人这么做。处理这件事要有技巧，而且要考虑周到。”

    也许你会发现在你公司里，通行的做法是由团队或部门凑钱给老板买个礼物，奥利弗称这是一种普遍的做法，每个人只需出一点钱，还能防止同事间相互攀比。【这还能避免给人留下拍老板马屁（正如你所说的）的印象。】但如果这不是你公司里通行的方式，奥利弗提供了五大送礼法则，确保送礼不会出大错——无论送给老板，还是其他人。

    1.礼物价值不宜太高。“职场送礼的惯例是礼物都不贵重，”奥利弗说。“比方说，给同事买一条50美元的丝巾可能就不太恰当，因为很可能她给你准备的礼物是一小盒糖果，这会让她感到尴尬。”奥利弗建议每件礼品的价值不宜超过20美元：“比如，一张礼品卡、一本烹调书、一瓶葡萄酒、一些美食、一盆花或者一张当地酒吧的酒券（含两杯酒）。”

    2.挑选礼物要用心。“避免给办公室每个人同样的礼物，”奥利弗说。“公司这么做是可以的，比方说，给每位客户同样的礼品篮——但个人可不行。”给个人选礼物，需要根据你对对方的喜好了解。“关键是要显示出你还是花了一些心思，”她补充说。“如果你知道一位同事正在努力，希望减掉10磅体重，就不要送巧克力。”

    Dear Annie: This is my first holiday season with my current employer -- I'm in my first "real" job after college -- so I hope this isn't a dumb question, but what is generally expected in big companies regarding gifts to bosses and coworkers? I interned all last year at a small family-owned firm where everyone knew everyone else really well, and we all had fun giving each other little Christmas and Hanukkah presents. But everything at my new job is much more formal, and I don't want to get this wrong. Should I give my boss a gift, or will that look like I'm kissing up? What about peers? Are there rules for this? — Santa's Stand-In

    Dear Stand-In: It's not a dumb question at all. "Proper etiquette around gift-giving at the office is a snake pit for most people, because there's always the potential for making some sort of faux pas that will come back and haunt you later -- or at least, you fear it might," says Vicky Oliver, a personal branding coach and author of 301 Smart Answers to Tough Business Etiquette Questions. "For instance, let's say your officemate has a little box with a bow on it on her desk. What if it's for you and you didn't get her anything? What if it isn't for you? Should you still give her something? If so, how much should you spend?"

    In hopes of dodging such dilemmas, it's customary at many companies for colleagues who aren't also personal friends to wish each other "Happy holidays" and leave it at that. With any luck, your employer is one of them. "Gift-giving is one of those things that varies a lot from one corporate culture to another," says Oliver. "So your best bet is to ask someone you trust who's been there for a couple of years what, if anything, people usually do. Then just follow their lead."

    In general, Oliver adds, "you don't need to give gifts to all of your coworkers unless you work in an office of five or fewer people, where leaving one person out would hurt his or her feelings. However, if you have a colleague who has been particularly helpful to you this year, a card expressing thanks and a small gift is entirely appropriate, even if you don't do the same for others. Just be tactful and discreet about it."

    You might find that standard practice at your company is for teams or departments to chip in on one gift for the boss, which Oliver says is a widespread tradition that costs each person some small amount of cash and keeps coworkers from one-upping each other. (It also precludes the appearance of, as you say, kissing up). But if that isn't how they do it at your company, Oliver offers five suggestions for blunder-free gift-giving -- whether to your boss or to anyone else.

    1. Don't overspend. "The rule of thumb for office gifts is that they be inexpensive," says Oliver. "It's poor etiquette to spend, say, $50 on a silk scarf for a coworker, because chances are she'll have bought you a little box of candy and be embarrassed." Oliver recommends keeping each gift at a $20 limit: "Think about a gift card, a cookbook, a bottle of wine, a gourmet food item, a potted flower, or a two-drink voucher at a local watering hole."

    2. Thoughtfulness counts. "Avoid giving the same gift to everyone in the office," Oliver advises. "It's okay for companies to do that -- send the same gift basket to every client, for example -- but for individuals, no." Instead, pick a gift based on what you know the recipient likes. "The point is to show you put some thought into it," she adds. "If you're aware that a coworker is trying to lose 10 pounds, don't give them a box of chocolates."