从挫折中寻找幸福

    一本自助类图书的序言几乎总会吐露出书中的讯息：在接下来的章节中，作为读者的你将学习如何获得晋升，给人留下更好的第一印象，挽救婚姻或降低胆固醇的技巧，本书将为你铺就一条通往幸福的康庄大道云云。

    但《解毒剂：无法忍受积极思维的人如何获得幸福》（ The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking）一书与这类主题背道而驰。在第一章中，作者奥利弗•伯克曼解释称，在从事了多年心理学领域的报道之后，他得出了一项结论：“很多情况下，为获得幸福感而付出的努力恰恰使我们陷入痛苦之中。”秉持这个观点，伯克曼着手探索各种不同于这种努力的替代方案，他将其称为通往幸福的消极路径。

    他问了一些问题。于普通人而言，这些消极路径是否太过极端，以至于难以付诸行动？成功地重新定位至一条消极路径能否逐步实施（被人羞辱估计是不可避免的，我已准备好了）？它是否肯定会是突然而剧烈的（我将积极且反复地羞辱我自己，以减少我的自我意识）？

    过去几个月以来，媒体上已经出现了多篇与《解毒剂》一书有关的书评。为了使我的这篇书评展现出不一样的特色，我想先谈谈我自己。一如许多刚刚走出校门，从事待遇微薄的实习生工作的大学生，我有时心情很差，总想发脾气。在早上上班途中读完这本书后，我确信，失败不仅是难以避免的，也是有益的。但过分沉溺于自身处境，将落入本书试图以毫不费力的方式设法避免的陷阱之中。

    在“不安全的潜在好处”（The Hidden Benefits of Insecurity）这个章节中，伯克曼描述了人类不惜一切代价，竭力避免不安全感和不确定性的倾向。“但在追逐所有这些目标的过程中，”他补充说。“我们恰恰关闭了那种使我们渴望的幸福成为可能的官能。”读到此处，你或许预期伯克曼将讨论他的过往经历：他从事过一份不称心、但应该会带来经济安全感的工作，也曾由于不会说西班牙语而放弃一个去西班牙旅行的机会。但他没有。他引用了20世纪天主教僧侣、《七层山》（The Seven Story Mountain）一书作者、神秘的托马斯•默顿的一段话：“一个许多人怎么也搞不明白的事实是，越竭力避免受苦，就会遭受越多的苦难，因为一些更加琐碎且微不足道的事情会开始折磨你。”伯克曼以一种能够建立信任感的方式与他的听众沟通。他是一位尽职的研究者，一位倾听者。他所引述的，是专家的意见。

    The introduction to a self-help book is almost always a spoiler: In the chapters that follow, you, the reader, will learn how to get a promotion, make a better first impression, save your marriage, or lower your cholesterol. This will lead to happiness.

    The Antidote diverges from this theme. In the first chapter, author Oliver Burkeman explains that after years of reporting on the field of psychology, he has concluded that "the effort to try to feel happy is often precisely the thing that makes us miserable." Armed with this thesis, Burkeman sets out to explore various alternatives to this effort, which he calls the negative paths to happiness.

    He asks questions. Are these negative paths too extreme for the average person to implement? Can a successful reorientation to a negative path be achieved gradually (I will try to accept humiliation as inevitable), or does it have to be sudden and drastic (I will actively humiliate myself, over and over, in order to diminish my ego)?

    The Antidote has been reviewed several times over the course of the past few months. In an effort to separate my review from the others, I'm tempted to talk about myself. Like many recent college graduates working as underpaid interns, I sometimes feel out-of-sorts. Reading this book on my morning commute convinced me that failure is both inevitable and beneficial. But to dwell on my personal circumstances would be to fall into a trap that this book manages, effortlessly, to avoid.

    In a chapter titled "The Hidden Benefits of Insecurity," Burkeman describes the human tendency to avoid insecurity and uncertainty at all costs. "But in chasing all that," he adds, "we close down the very faculties that permit the happiness we crave." Here you might expect Burkeman to discuss the time he took an unfulfilling job that promised economic security, or the time he turned down a trip to Spain because he didn't speak Spanish. Instead he quotes the 20th century Catholic monk and mystic Thomas Merton, author of The Seven Story Mountain: "The truth that many people never understand, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you." Burkeman speaks to his audience in a way that establishes trust. He is a dutiful researcher and a listener. He quotes experts.