亲爱的安妮：由于处境与那位向你提问的读者相近，而面对的问题更大，我怀着极大的兴趣拜读了你有关如何解决员工抵制变革问题的专栏文章。我刚从公司另外一个部门调来，现在的部门表现不达标，上级让我“扭转”它的局面。

    问题是，初来乍到，人们都怀疑我是否真的理解这份工作。于是，我每时每刻都在与这种缺乏信任作斗争。另外一个问题是，我现在这个职位并非从我开始。我的前任试图解决这个问题，结果忙活了一年多，最终还是黯然放弃。所以每次我解释下一步该做什么的时候，我看得出来人们心里在想：“又是老一套。”他们表面上点头称是，但依然按照老办法去做事。我有几个知名导师就这个问题给出了答案，但我仍希望能听听您和您的读者们对这个问题的看法。——两头为难

    亲爱的两头为难：你所处的困境的确有些意思。我认为，要从两方面考虑这个问题：首先，你所谓的变化是谁提出来的？是自上而下传达下来的，还是你自己想要的，抑或其他情况？第二，你那些桀骜不驯的下属们这样做可能是有原因的。可能你还不能真正理解他们认为你的办法行不通的理由？

    坚持让别人改变之前，应该认真倾听。“为了能影响别人，首先应该改变自己，” 与他人合著过《真正的影响力：善劝不迫，巧得不屈》（Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In）一书的精神科医师和高管教练马克•古斯滕医学博士指出。“它并不意味着要屈服、放弃或动摇自己的目标。要的是每次与人谈话，都能抱着承认自己可能部分或完全错误的态度——即便你是对的，也可以学到有用的东西。”

    “如果将影响力视作‘让别人按照你的意愿做事’，你实际上已经削弱了对他们的影响力，”他说。“这是因为你不再倾听别人的意见，他们很快就认识到这一点。即使暂时屈服于你的指令，他们的内心也会充满怨恨”——同时开始寻找机会顽抗到底。

    “大多数商学院中所教的影响力是指，根据你自己的逻辑判断，安排别人的工作内容，”古斯滕补充道。“但如果你有远大的目标，而且需要人们为之长期投入的话，这种方法无异于饮鸩止渴。”

    他指出，行得通的办法是用别人的实例来验证你的观点。书中列举了好市多（Costco）、苹果公司（Apple）、耐克（Nike）和Zappos等公司的案例，它们都在内部形成了有效的影响力。书中最终总结出了下面三点：

    1.试着站在别人的角度来考虑问题。“如果别人自认理性、符合逻辑并完全正确，而你一无是处。这时，你的反应会好么？答案当然是否定的，”古斯滕指出。“那么别人同样也不喜欢这样。”与之相对，“面对不同观点时，如你愿意被影响的话，你肯定能赢得众多信任——你也有可能因此作出更好的决策。”

    2.不要试图争辩求胜。“试图求胜意味着你在强辩，而这是行不通的，因为它会让人们寻求自我保护，同时刺激他们打败你，”古斯滕说。“这不是一个输赢的问题，而是为了一个远大目标彼此联系、相互合作的事情。”

    Dear Annie:I read your recent column on overcoming employees' resistance to change with great interest, because my situation is similar to that of the reader who sent that question, but with a twist. I was recently moved into my job from another division of the company and told to "turn around" this under-performing department.

    The trouble is, because I'm the new guy, people here doubt that I really understand the business, so I feel like I'm constantly fighting this lack of credibility. The other problem is that I'm not the first person in this position. The last guy they brought in to fix things here tried for a year or so and then quit. So every time I explain what we need to do, I can tell that people are thinking, "Here we go again." They nod their heads and then go on doing everything the same old way. I have a couple of great mentors who are giving me some advice on how to handle this, but I'm curious about what you and your readers think. --Stuck in Neutral

    Dear Stuck:Interesting dilemma. Two questions I wonder about: First, where did the changes you're proposing come from? Were they handed down from above, or did you come up with them yourself, or what? And second, is it possible that your recalcitrant underlings have a point and that (just maybe) you really don't understand the reasons why they think your approach to the business won't work?

    Before you go any further down the road of trying to get people to change, it might be time to do some serious listening. "In order to influence people, you have to be open to influence yourself," says Mark Goulston, M.D., a psychiatrist and executive coach who co-wrote a new book, Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In. "That doesn't mean giving in, giving up, or being any less committed to your goals. It does mean going into every conversation being willing to believe that you may be partially or totally wrong -- and that even if you're right, you will learn something valuable.

    "When you view influence as 'getting people to do what I want,' you actually reduce your influence over them," he says. "That's because you're not really hearing the other person's message, and they recognize this immediately. Even if you get temporary compliance with what you're asking, they'll resent it" -- and start finding ways to dig in their heels.

    "Telling people what to do based purely on what looks logical to you is the kind of influence most business schools teach," Goulston adds. "But if you have big goals and need people to be committed to them long term, it's a recipe for failure."

    What works a whole lot better, he says, is to start by testing your perceptions against other people's reality. His book is packed with examples of effective influence from within successful companies like Costco (COST), Apple (AAPL), Nike (NKE), and Zappos, which can be boiled down to three main points:

    1. Try thinking from the other side."Do you respond well when other people presume they're rational, logical, and absolutely right, and you're not? Of course you don't," says Goulston. "Other people don't like it, either." By contrast, "if you are open to influence when other points of view arise, you gain a lot of credibility -- and you'll probably make better decisions."

    2. Don't try to win arguments."Trying to win implies that you are arguing, and this doesn't work, because it triggers people to defend themselves and provokes them to try to prevail over you," Goulston notes. "This isn't about winning or losing. It's about connecting and collaborating toward a great outcome."